Jagged Edges
by Nocturnalux
Summary: Kida embarks in a very tortuous affair with Izaya. Suffering from serious issues Kida is drawn to Izaya's warped ideas and thus finds himself in a downward spiral of moral decay and sexual corruption. Izaya/Kida. WARNING: Very dark fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing: **Izaya/Kida

**Prompt: **Kida has a painful crush on Izaya. They finally have sex at Izaya's house, although it hurts him both in mind and body.

**Warnings:** Dark themes, incest

* * *

><p>It was not something to be proud of. Kida made a boisterous display of his life but the deeper undertows were kept hidden from everyone. Even his best friend did not know, could never know, about this slanted darkness that crossed Kida's entire being with secrets. Kida guarded his precious obsession with great care. Lest someone found out.<br>There was shame but the attraction was all the more irresistible for that. Being a quick judge of character Kida gave great importance to first impressions. That fatidic day when he had finally seen the man behind all the rumors, Orihara Izaya in the flesh, had been scarred into Kida's memory. Smooth, slim, suave and glib. All this Kida admired. From the bouncy way Izaya ambled down the Ikebukuro streets to the fluffy fur that trimmed his jacket Kida was captivated.  
>But more than that it was the intelligent glitter of cruelty well tempered with mirth that drew Kida in. He could not help it. Like most pathological flirters Kida was at heart skeptical of love but he did not know what else to call this constant presence of Izaya in his thoughts at all times. Izaya mocked him in hot dreams from which Kida woke up to soiled sheets and Izaya mocked him in brief encounters in his waking moments. Kida was terrified of Izaya. Danger was a form of one sided courtship that Kida felt keenly. Meeting Izaya meant cold sweat, trembling legs, being razed out of his comfort zone but despite this, or perhaps because of this, it also meant dizzying excitement.<br>It was not something to be proud of at all. Roaming dark alleys in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the laughing figure. His mind populated with wild fantasies. Kida knew that the more ensnared he became the more he severed himself from his friends. Surely they would be repulsed if they knew how he masturbated to thoughts of Izaya being the wicked person that he was. He held no illusions as to the true nature of Tokyo's most perilous information dealer.  
>Izaya was evil. It was part of his charm. There was so much of this borderline torture that Kida could take. It was just an afterthought that amounted to an impulse. He spotted Izaya dallying in some dim backstreet and followed him all the way to Shinjuku. Kida watched him slip into an apartment and took a deep breath. Here was the time to decide. Kida told himself that he could still turn on his heels and leave, never getting involved with Izaya again. But even as the words formed themselves, he headed in the direction of bondage, it could not be called anything else, and it was as if fate or some other greater force had directed him to this spot. Right in front of Izaya's door.<br>Kida knocked. His heart beat slowly but very loudly in his temples as if sending out a sluggish distress sign that did not want to reach help.  
>"Come in."<br>Kida did so. Stylish surroundings engulfed him and cut off all exit routes. The spacious apartment was sparingly furnished but it spelled wealth in the empty space where a desk and a leather swivel chair and sofa stood out in the mostly empty vastness.  
>"Ah, hello Kida-kun. What brings you to my humble abode?"<br>Izaya spoke without his eyes leaving the computer screen. Fingers flew across the keyboard. White light mellowed his features into deceptive cordiality. Now that they were face to face Kida realized that he had nothing to say. His bare feet were cold against the polished wooden floor.  
>"Orihara-san, I was just passing by and-"<br>"Hmm…that's not exactly true, now is it? You followed me."  
>Stated as matter of fact. Still avoiding eye contact, setting his own pace effortlessly. This was the inner sanctum of his territory and Kida had walked into it like a willing victim.<br>"I wanted to talk to you."  
>"Oh? Is that so, Kida-kun? Heard any tips that you'd care to share?"<br>Kida felt that Izaya already knew why he was here. And Kida was cornered.  
>"Nothing like that."<br>"Am I supposed to guess?"  
>Izaya finally looked at him over his entwined hangs, elbows on the desk in a slightly predatory pose.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Kida could feel pressure from being under this scrutiny. Many there were who became the object of Izaya's encompassing curiosity but few lived to tell about it. Kida forced himself not to break eye contact. Izaya exerted his magnetism with a mere questioning smile. Kida realized that he could not fool him.  
>"I think that you know already."<br>Intuition alone made it clear.  
>"Do you mean that I know all things, Kida-kun?"<br>Izaya closed the space between them with deliberate slowness. The question hung in the air.  
>"Orihara-san-"<br>A finger laid on his lips shut him up. Kida shivered despite his resolve to stand firm. Izaya had never touched him before and this light contact was enough to reignite his anxiety.  
>"Hush now. Want me to spare you having to actually say it out loud? 'I want you to take me, Orihara-san.' 'I think about it all the time, Orihara-san. I jerk off thinking about you, Orihara-san.' 'I can't help it, Orihara-san.'"<br>Izaya's voice grew lower with each word until it was a whisper. He repeated his own name in a lilting cadence. Kida blushed and tried to look away but Izaya tipped his chin and forced him to look into glittering red eyes that were amused. Izaya kissed his cheek. Almost friendly. Kida gasped.  
>"You're still a virgin, aren't you? Have you kissed yet?"<br>Kida swallowed. He was at the mercy of a merciless man. Lying would be impossible.  
>"Yes…"<br>Izaya chuckled and cornered him against the sofa. Kida smelled new leather, a tangy scent that he immediately connected with being an adult.  
>"'Yes' to both, I presume. You are outside my age range but I may make an exception just for you. It all depends on how much you want it."<br>Kida understood the terms. He was being toyed with, expertly so. Izaya's control was absolute and made even stronger by his being so lithe and deceptively delicate. To give into this power was liberating. It was an escape beyond shame.  
>"Orihara-san, I want you."<br>There was none of his typical bubbly joy. Kida was as serious as he had ever been. It was not easy to bring it out into the open. Izaya replied by nipping and his neck and pushing him back into the plush sofa.  
>"Do you now. What is it about me that makes you want me?"<br>It was part of the ritual of breaking down all defenses.  
>"I like your style, it's just- perfect."<br>Izaya clambered on top of him and produced the infamous switchblade that he trailed down Kida's trendy outfit, cutting through fabric all the way to his jeans.  
>"How shallow of you, Kida-kun."<br>Kida's attempt at contesting this was foiled by a deep kiss. The sharp edge of teeth barely concealed in intoxicating softness. Kida melted into it. He emerged breathless, a sense of renewed awareness making him shiver again in anticipation.  
>"Shall I read your mind for you? You are thinking that this was really your first kiss and everything up to this point did not even count."<br>It took Izaya to put it into words for Kida to realize how much it was indeed so.  
>"Orihara-san, I need you to- to do it to me."<br>Izaya twirled his blade, light flashing, as if he was considering this.  
>"You do realize that I won't stop even if you cry and beg me to. I always act for my own enjoyment."<br>Kida nodded. Here was a reason why he admired Izaya, this being dictated by self conceived rules alone.  
>"I know. I'm ready."<br>Izaya chuckled with good humor.  
>"No you're not. You still have wet dreams pretty much every single night. Puberty can be hell, Kida-kun. It really can."<br>Izaya brought a knee to press between his legs. Kida jolted immediately.  
>"Hng…"<br>"You see, I was your age in the past so I know all about it."  
>"Orihara-san-"<br>Kida made a lame effort to ward off the growing tension below his waist. Izaya shifted his weight just slightly and Kida released in his boxers, soaking them and his pants. There was nowhere to hide.  
>"This is precisely why I don't go for underage boys. But you'll do, Kida-kun. Allow me to show you how not prepared you truly are."<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

There was no preparation. Whatever warnings Izaya had to deliver, he had already presented them with his wicked clarity of thought. No amount of bracing himself could have lessened the savage pain that shot through him as Izaya stripped him and plunged into him in one swift thrust. Tears blurred his vision but he blinked them away. He needed to see. Izaya did not even bother to pin him down, he simply let his rocking rhythm to paralyze Kida.  
>"Did you ever think that your first time would be like this? On a sofa, with a man, without any of the fluff one keeps hearing about?"<br>Kida nodded weakly. He was being torn apart from within. It hurt. But it set him free from the mask of Kida the goofball and all around zany guy. Underneath the glamour he was like this: panting for breath, clawing at the leather, heating up as torment mingled with vivid pleasure. This too was Kida Masaomi.  
>"-don't believe in any of that-"<br>His sentences were choppy and unraveled.  
>"You are a realist, Kida-kun. That's quite an accomplishment at your age."<br>The compliment was hollow. It faded into the suffocating fire that ran with his blood. He squirmed under Izaya. Dimly, through the thickening haze that clouded his thought, he wondered if this might not kill him. But it did not matter because he was fully alive to this moment, his perception narrowed to the here and now and flesh hitting skin, of being repeatedly invaded and brought past his limit. The present devoured any hope for the future. There was no past here in this painful rush of hopeless surrender and this meant that Kida was severing bonds, unaware that in so doing he was effacing Mikado completely.  
>But he bypassed any disconnect by holding unto Izaya. A bite to his shoulder, drawing blood. Kida wrapped his arms around Izaya to bring him even closer. He was alit in a riot of lust and hurtful desire. Garbled sounds resounded in his ears, Izaya licked his earring playfully before ripping it out with his teeth. He tasted metal as Izaya kissed him with a passion that was practiced. Izaya's unwavering smile filled everything. It was beautiful and honed like his blade.<br>Kida climaxed in a mess of nerves drawn taunt, muscles quivering, the world becoming a scalding blur of white. The staccato of pain did not recent but added to euphoria. Toes curled. A moaning voice that he only vaguely recognized as his and eyes wide open to lose nothing. Izaya's smile grew cryptic. He whispered into his bleeding ear as he too reached orgasm without deviating from his cool control.  
>"Welcome to the end of childhood, Masaomi-kun."<br>As mocking as this overture into intimacy was, Kida still accepted it. His first name was a threshold. The import of Izaya's words sank into him with all the finality of destiny. He had been living a sham adulthood of sorts but that too was shattered now. Replaced by vicious implications. Izaya pulled out and zipped his pants. It figured that he should keep his clothes throughout it all. Kida could not bask in an afterglow. The consciousness of a violent transition robbed him of that as did Izaya's collected demeanor.  
>"I must say, you surprised me. I did expect some protests. I cannot help but find it ironic how consensual this was."<br>He tossed Kida a towel. No amount of cleaning could erase the mark that Izaya had left in him. The trickle of semen that dribbled out as Kida shifted was but a sigil of it.  
>"I…"<br>No words availed him at this point. Izaya drank from a can of oolong tea and proceeded to evaluate his prey anew. Heavy steps broke the silence. The door opened and someone that Kida could not see walked in.  
>"Izaya, don't go around-"<br>Shizuo stopped on his tracks as he noticed the small naked boy now scampering for his clothes, some of which were tattered.  
>"You really are despicable. Raping children? You'd sink that low?"<br>Izaya shrugged.  
>"Kida-kun is past the age of consent and we were just discussing how much fun we both had. Believe it or not, there are people that want to have sex with me. Apart from you, that is. Shi-zu-chan."<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Shizuo ignored the jab altogether. He waited until the blonde boy was fully dressed, wondering very briefly if Izaya had a thing for blondes, to approach him.  
>"Hey, I can give you a ride home. It's okay."<br>Izaya watched very closely from the rim of the can. He was very curious to see how Kida would react.  
>"I'm fine, Heiwajima-san. Orihara-san is right, I'm here because I want to."<br>Kida smiled. This was when Izaya decided that there was indeed more to him.

"-so I think he may be part of Dollars. Kida-kun? Are you listening?"  
>Kida was not. They were on the rooftop sitting side by side on a bench by the fence that crisscrossed the sky itself but Kida was not even here.<br>"Said something, Mikado?"  
>Mikado peered at his friend with some insistence. He noticed the half eaten bread. A bit of jam sticking out of it.<br>"You've been out of it today. Did something happen?"  
>Kida stared straight ahead at the façade of the city. Concrete and glass awash in sun.<br>"Not really."  
>It was nothing to be proud of at first but Kida was blooming into revelations that took time to develop. He felt that Mikado was very distant even as he sat next to him within arm's length, so much more so than when they could only communicate through text on a screen. Because back then they could indeed communicate even if the medium was lacking. Now that was impossible. Mikado tried again.<br>"I was telling you about that guy in class D, I just heard that he belongs to Dollars."  
>Kida chewed on a potato chip.<br>"Is that so? Well, kudos to him I suppose."  
>Normally Mikado would not breach this subject like this for a million and one reasons but he was vaguely upset at the vagueness that he had never seen in Kida before and thus eager to attract his attention. Trying to break a spell, fumbling for an incantation.<br>"Aren't you curious about it?"  
>Kida shrugged.<br>"Nah, not at the moment. It all seems a bit silly to me."  
>Mikado could not explain the flare of panic that possessed him. None of the fearful experiences he had been through so far had made him afraid in this way.<br>"What do you mean? You were so excited about it just the other day."  
>Kida chewed another chip. It was salty, flaky and unhealthy.<br>"If you look at it from a distance you see that it is pretty childish, the whole deal. A secret gang of sorts doing something or other and spreading rumors online. It seems like the kind of thing a kid would come up with. A really lonely kid that believes in having fun with 'friends' that could be imaginary for all practical purposes. It's even a bit…sad, I guess."  
>Mikado started violently. Normally Kida would mock him for such a reaction and everything would be alright because tickling and laughter would follow. But for once Kida did not even notice it.<br>"That is- I mean, I never thought about it like that."  
>And perhaps he should have had. Kida was not supposed to have any insight apart from trendy places to hang out, what fashions to adopt and what lousy pickup lines worked best. After all he was Mikado's backup and the caricature version of Kida was reassuring. This jaded seriousness was alien. Mikado did not like it. He tried to banish it.<br>"Kida-kun, what did you say to the disciplinary committee? It caused a lot of commotion."  
>Somehow Mikado suspected that asking about the mark on his ear would result in alienating him further. He waited for the giggling remarks that were Kida's favorite comment to all things.<br>"I told them that they had a point. Image is important and in the real world it is crucial."  
>"Real world…?"<br>"School doesn't really count. It's just a preparation."  
>Mikado was dumbfounded.<br>"I think that the friendships that we make in school can last a lifetime. And they're important. I mean-"  
>There was something more that Mikado felt that he should add. He was being too generic, so common place, not reaching Kida at all. But the bell chimed and Kida got up indicating that the conversation was over.<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Mikado walked to the school's gate and Kida followed in an absent manner. Kida had not flirted with Anri or with anyone either and Mikado found it alarming. That was why he readily got rid of her and decided to walk home with Kida even if their places were on opposite sides of the city. Sundown burnished the surroundings in tints of red stained gold.  
>"Kida-kun, can I drop by your house?"<br>"It depends. I may have plans."  
>"May have…?"<br>Mikado was so intent in trying to figure out what was going on that he did not even see the nearby figure until it was already on them.  
>"Hello, Masaomi-kun."<br>Kida halted and smiled calmly. Mikado missed this too but he registered the unlikely greeting.  
>"O-Orihara-san, what are you doing here again?"<br>Mikado flailed.  
>"Hi there, Mikado-kun. Sorry but today I have no business with you. I'm here for Masaomi-kun."<br>Izaya made that crystal clear by passing a still confused Mikado and approaching Kida directly, a hand extended as an invitation.  
>"I didn't think you'd come here."<br>But Kida had hoped for it. Dying light, all the more brilliant for this, haloed Izaya.  
>"What can I say, I am full of surprises. Give me your phone for a second."<br>Kida obeyed. The strap caught a fleeting bit of sun.  
>"I'll just add my phone numbers and mail to your list. I already know yours."<br>Izaya did so without even glancing at the keys or screen.  
>"There, all set. Why don't we go somewhere now?"<br>Kida took a deep breath. He was eager for a confirmation of his new status and only Izaya could possibly provide it.  
>"Okay, Orihara-san."<br>"Call me Izaya."  
>"Izaya-san."<br>"Drop the honorific. 'Izaya' will do just fine."  
>Mikado looked from one to the other. He wanted to step between the disturbing complicity that he felt was implicit in this shift of denomination.<br>"Izaya, then."  
>Izaya carried on the momentum by waving the colorful strap that caught shone in bright green and pink.<br>"Now, this won't do. It's not very stylish and it doesn't fit you. Let's do away with it. And then we'll be on our way."  
>He snapped it with a flicker of the wrist and tossed it aside. Mikado picked it up, hurt by Kida's silence. Izaya flipped the phone open again and checked the message logs.<br>"Hmm…'from: Mikado'. My, so many of them. They take up a lot of storage and I'll be texting you from now on. Mind if I delete them? Or maybe you should do it yourself."  
>Mikado felt himself pale. He did not believe that Kida could ever discard these important memories. Kida knew what was being asked of him. To let go of something dear in order to express priorities. There was a lot at stake. His SMS collection had been built over the years and it represented layers of his life.<br>He knew that Mikado was watching him closely. Kida looked at the options on the screen. Izaya was being patient, too patient, waiting for the outcome to play into his hand. Doing this was difficult, Kida was sure that it was part of the whole point. He took a deep breath and apologized to Mikado in his mind. And then he pressed a button.  
>"And that's that. Not too hard, now was it?"<br>Mikado was stunned.  
>"Kida-kun…? Did you- did you delete them?"<br>It was even more difficult to face Mikado but Kida already knew that growing up was in great part going through rough patches.  
>"I'm sorry, Mikado. But that's- that's just the way it is."<br>"So there you have it, Mikado-kun."  
>Mikado's sense of alarm kicked into gear.<br>"What are you even doing here? If you want to discuss matters further then you can just call me and-"  
>"Mikado-kun, my interest in you is professional. My interest in Masaomi is personal."<br>The day spluttered away. Kida took a step forward and followed Izaya's bouncy step.  
>"See you tomorrow."<br>Mikado watched them disappear into the darkening street. Clasping the strap. The one he had chosen with Kida, Mikado had the other half of a matching pair. Kida looked at his feet as he walked away but he did not look back. Izaya did so, however, and cheered silently at the forlorn boy still standing alone. He had just discovered Mikado's weakness. And more importantly, he had reeled in Kida further from normality. Accumulating distortions.


	6. Chapter 6

"How's yours? Mine is really tasty."  
>Izaya swung his legs under the table and took a bite of creamy strawberry. Kida nibbled at chocolate soaked crepe.<br>"Very sweet."  
>"Want to have a bit? Say 'Ah', Masaomi-kun."<br>Izaya and Kida sat at a small table for two. The semblance to a date was obvious. Kida ate a sugary red fruit from Izaya's fork. Last night had been something of a lucid dream, today Kida was as one newly erupted from a cocoon. He felt light after passing a test of fire and strengthened in his frailty. Downplaying his weakness would be null and void.  
>"Izaya- why did you bring me here?"<br>The name was odd in his mouth but by degrees it was becoming easier to say.  
>"To be honest I was going to treat you as a one night stand. But then I realized that you were more interesting than what you let show. Such people are rare. And I would know, dealing with people is what I do. So I wanted to reward you."<br>Kida smiled and drank some of milkshake. He could be himself around Izaya, somehow.  
>"You must see me as an annoying kid that never shuts up but-"<br>"Heh, you've been pretty quiet so far. Actually, I've never seen it for myself, this bubbly charm for which you're so famous."  
>"I wouldn't say famous…"<br>"Not compared to me. But still, 'Kida Masaomi' is something of an Ikebukuro staple."  
>Kida lived on the spotlight. He now bowed with a flourish in a cameo of his glamour.<br>"Kida Masaomi, at your service. Ah, 'bukuro is in my heart, the bustle of the crowds, the neon, all those beautiful girls just begging me to show them around. Is it too cliché to say? But I am a sucker for the excitement of the city."  
>Izaya clapped, still holding a fork.<br>"Eh? So those are the lines your use. But I'll bet my sundae that you don't follow them up. Am I wrong?"  
>The sugary mood of this meeting was after all a cover.<br>"Follow them up?"  
>Izaya scooped some whipped cream.<br>"Yes. You're more interested in the impression you cause rather than in those you impress."  
>Kida was silent. That Izaya could unravel his motives so easily was frightening.<br>"And now, Masaomi-kun, it is time for your reward. This was just a small treat."

It was cold here at the top of this skyscraper. Kida shivered in the wind that wrapped him in invisible swirls. Night was descending upon the city, dark purple spreading out through slanted whisks of sunlight. Izaya leant over him and smiled as he slowly removed his jacket and placed it over Kida's small shoulders. It reached the floor and surrounded him with a scent that was Izaya's. Kida wanted to sink into this warmth.  
>Izaya caressed his cheek and cast butterfly touches a bit all over Kida's body. He pulled the hood over his head. The fur was soft and smooth on Kida's skin. Izaya held him by the lapel and opted for a slow kiss that robs Kida of breath.<br>"It looks good on you."  
>This was the first time that Kida saw Izaya without the trademark jacket. The plain black shirt and pants are very simple, a silvery belt buckle around a slender waist the only adornment. But this simplicity was a blank canvas for deadly elegance. Kida wanted to say something to this effect but Izaya dropped to his knees and took his arousal into his mouth. Kida could feel the ever present smile drawn on heated flesh and he forced himself not to close his eyes.<br>"Izaya…"  
>Kida clenched his hands inside the long sleeves that hang limply by his sides. He did not dare run his fingers through slightly unruly dark hair. This was already a privilege, Kida did not know how worthy he might be but hot pleasure blurs all reason into muddle.<br>"I can't- gonna come-"  
>Panic flickered through his climax. Izaya calmly lapped and swallowed to the last drop. Kida twitched involuntarily, too overwhelmed for words.<br>"Hmmm…guess you don't last too long, Masaomi-kun. Still too young? I guess that it can't be helped."  
>Izaya was back on his feet and holding Kida in his arms, folding him into an embrace.<br>"Thank you…"  
>Kida's gratitude even encompasses the cruelty that he knows is integral to the bond he was forming.<br>"Guess you liked my special reward? And keep the jacket. I got more of them."  
>Kida could close his eyes now. And darkness was all over.<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

"Kida-kun…?"  
>Mikado could still recognize him but he was unreasonably wary.<br>"Good morning."  
>They headed toward school on a bright sunny morning.<br>"Your hair, it's black."  
>Kida had dyed it so. Not because Izaya had dropped any hint but because he wanted a visible change to mark the many inner revolutions he had been undergoing. And perhaps because Heiwajima Shizuo just so happened to have platinum blonde hair and drop by Izaya's house in the middle of the night for reasons unknown. Kida wanted to set himself apart in his claims to Izaya, as tenuous as these may be.<br>"It's my original color anyway."  
>Mikado was stunned. The last time he had seen Kida as a brunette they were still kids running through the green fields so the contrast to this calm seriousness was all the more blatant.<br>"But I thought you liked being blonde."  
>"I grew out of it."<br>"But…"  
>Mikado had planned to ask the many questions that haunted him and to return the strap but Kida seemed almost indifferent. Even to the small crowd of students that whispered about his new hairdo. Mikado expected Kida to beam in this attention but he kept on walking without giving heed.<br>"Everyone's talking about it."  
>Kida shrugged.<br>"Let them talk, then. It's not my fault they get all hyped over a dye job."  
>Throughout the day Kida remained silent and dismissed the many curious queries. This laconism attracted more attention than the change in hairdo itself. Mikado tagged along in befuddlement. He felt shut out.<br>"Kida-kun, have you known Orihara-san for long?"  
>"Since I moved into Tokyo."<br>"I thought that it was best to stay away from him."  
>Mikado was tentative now. They reached the school gate.<br>"It would probably be wiser."  
>"Then…"<br>"I got to go now."  
>"Are you going home directly…?"<br>Almost afraid of asking.  
>"Library."<br>"Do you have a test coming up?"  
>It was a deviation from the routine but at least Mikado did not sense any threat in it.<br>"No, just want to check out some things."  
>"I'll join you, then."<br>"If you want."  
>Never in a million years had Mikado even dreamt that he'd ever be sitting in a vast and intimidating library with none other than Kida. Conversation was cancelled out by the universal hush that the faint sound of turning pages served more to enhance than to break. Mikado kept stealing glances at the piles of books, through which Kida leafed. Introduction to Information Systems, Preliminary Notes into the Global Village, A Guide to Living in the Cybernetic Age. All beginner's works, and Mikado found this reassuring somehow, but he could feel the alien presence that guided Kida. And it scared him more than he was willing to admit.<p>

The following week was 'Bring a Grownup to School' day. Students invited relatives or older friends that delivered a testimony for educational purposes. The school was abuzz with excitement. Kida coolly assessed it from a distance. His class joined the others at the auditorium and he sat in the first row. Kida waited as uninteresting people talked about their hollow lives and petty occupations. And then there was a flutter of shadow, a bit of fur on its wake. Izaya stood on the stage with a brilliant smile that dimmed all things. A timid teacher introduced him and a whisper immediately swept through the agitated crowd. Kida remained silent.  
>"I'm Orihara Izaya, a friend of Masaomi's- that would be 'Kida-kun' to you all. I work as an informant mostly around the Ikebukuro area but a bit all over Tokyo. Basically, I trade info for a fee."<br>Kida watched him closely. Not losing a single inflection as Izaya extended his allure to the now captivated audience, knowing that his status regarding him was completely different from the empty fascination of Izaya's fans. Pride buoyed up Kida. The floor was open to questions.  
>"Does anyone have anything they'd like to ask Orihara-san? You in the back…Ryugamine Mikado-kun?"<br>Mikado got up. At a disadvantage all around.


	8. Chapter 8

"What if people put the information you sell to bad use? Aren't you helping people do bad things by sharing data? Isn't that borderline illegal?"  
>Izaya nodded.<br>"Why, I do act within the strictest confines of legality. Of course it is true that there may be negative consequences to my bartering but that is not my doing directly. And even if it were, in the adult world there are many shades of gray. Allow me to ask you, is the stock exchange morally objectionable? Perhaps. After all, most wealth done via speculation will be taken from someone else. In no other words, if you become richer others will become poorer. On those grounds one could denounce the whole method of achieving profit. However, if you do so and want to be coherent then you must never make any use of it. Indirectly you too gain from the loss of others. It is so with my line of work as well. No one can live without getting his hands dirty in one way or another. Does that answer your question, Ryugamine-san?"  
>It answered nothing whatsoever. Mikado balled his hands into fists. Kida had the clear impression that there was far too much between them.<br>"I think that what you're doing is wrong."  
>Izaya chuckled good humouredly.<br>"You should know what is said about opinions. Just like some parts of the human anatomy everyone is endowed with them."  
>A wicked sneer as the audience picked up Izaya's allusion right away. Kida was torn between wanting Mikado to shut up and stop making such an idiot out of himself and wanting Izaya to continue his sly mockery.<br>"People like you shouldn't be allowed to walk into a school."  
>Kida was slightly bothered. If Mikado was opting for such a direct confrontation then he was increasing his chances of having an 'accident' as so often happened to ones who made an enemy out of Izaya.<br>"Oh? Is that so? Tsk. It just so happens that I graduated from this very school myself. That makes you all my kouhai. But if Ryugamine-san doesn't want me here then I suppose I should leave."  
>Izaya's demeanor stated that he had absolutely no interest in budging. Other questions forced Mikado to sit down, all too aware that this was a defeat. Kida was sorry for him. But Izaya weaved his sharp wit and gleamed. Kida loved the cutthroat attitude that Izaya commanded so masterly.<br>A large dose of wishful thinking went into asking Izaya to come to this event so it was a surprise when he agreed to it. This was a public demonstration that Kida put things on a new level. Izaya was a creature of the dark but he carried himself under the brightest of lights. And Kida wanted nothing more than to stand by his side.

Kida put on the sleek black jacket over his naked body. He had to roll up the overlong sleeves, caressing the fur as he did so, and settled in bed. Kida got on his hands and knees. Wearing this was enough to count as foreplay. The scent - Kida had reached the conclusion that it was a mix of mint and something mysterious - had him dripping on the sheets even without having to touch himself.  
>He thought about Izaya. Not just the image of Izaya that everyone could access but the real thing that had no qualms and would take him where and how he pleased, the potential for pain not always realized but ever present. Nothing could compare to it. Kida turned to his memory to fuel his lust. A few tugs were all it took and he quivered as he came.<br>"Izaya-"  
>Kida cleaned up carefully, slipped in a pair of boxers, then rolled on his side, wrapping himself in the jacket. He would be absent from the city for a few days and he was missing it already. His first days in Tokyo had been rough. No one had showed him around and Kida had tried to prove karma wrong by doing his best to serve as a guide to Mikado. But he was glad that he had been alone in his preliminary incursions into the Ikebukuro wildlife.<br>That way he did not have to share them with anyone. They belonged to him alone. It was worth sick dread of getting lost and the blinding confusion of so many tides of people washing over the neon flooded streets. That was how he had first come across Izaya.  
>Kida was sure that Izaya did not remember the encounter if it could be called that.<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Izaya stood out from the human deluge, effortlessly. Without making a fuss of trying to get anyone's attention yet having all eyes on him nonetheless. Kida stood rooted to the concrete. Behind all the rumors the man was so much than he had even imagined. One that needs not try to make himself noticed, one that could blend with the shadows just as easily. Ikebukuro personified.  
>Before Izaya Kida came to terms with his shortcomings and he was now in a position to finally overcome them. As functional as Kida's funny playboy antics were in getting by and appearing as carefree as possible, as much as he had learnt to come across as hip and modern, at the end of day he still found all that meaningless. Mere surface moves to cover up deep insecurities.<br>Kida now drifted to sleep, the jacket as a soft embrace lulling him.

The phone rang in the middle of the night. Kida stirred awake immediately. He recognized the personalized tone right away.  
>"Hello, Masaomi-kun! How are you doing?"<br>"Just woke up."  
>"So you were sleeping? It's only 1 AM."<br>Even reduced to a voice, Izaya still made Kida's heart skip a beat.  
>"I have to wake up early tomorrow. Field trip."<br>"Hmmm…I suppose you wouldn't want me to come over, then."  
>Kida started then leapt off bed to look out the window. Izaya waved from the other side of the street, the screen shining eerily.<br>"I'll let you in, wait just a sec."  
>Kida crept out of his apartment. He found Izaya standing outside the building. There was not a word exchanged as Izaya tackled him down in the lobby and kissed him almost roughly. A knee parted Kida's legs and he moaned softly.<br>"Have I told you already that I like this new hairstyle of yours? You look older, almost makes me forget I'm doing a kid."  
>Kida took a deep breath to steady himself. As late as it was, someone could walk in on them.<br>"Izaya…"  
>"You'd like to do it in a bed?"<br>Kida nodded. Izaya smiled widely as he ripped open a condom with his teeth.  
>"Masaomi-kun, you'll have to earn your right to that. Do you understand?"<br>"Yes."  
>Izaya tossed him the rubber.<br>"Put that on. Maybe you'll last longer that way."  
>Kida was not completely unfamiliar with condoms but his fingers still shook.<br>"Nervous? And I see you're wearing the jacket."  
>Izaya had great night vision and could see every detail unfurled under him - the bulging underwear that was the only item of clothing other than the jacket - and he was pleased. This boy understood the true rules of life. To Izaya he was a diamond not yet chiseled into perfection but willing to be shaped anew.<br>"I sleep with it."  
>"Fancy that. And you wear it when you masturbate to thoughts of me."<br>It was not even a question.  
>"Yes."<br>Kida did not trail off. It was important not to.  
>"Then you can say I'm here to make your dreams come true."<br>While Kida tried to relax penetration was devastatingly painful. He bit into his lower lip until it bled to keep himself from screaming. Izaya licked the wound and lapped at the blood. A deep kiss followed as if to counter the sharp thrusting that rocked into Kida and split him apart.  
>"Hold up your legs, Masaomi-kun."<br>Kida complied with difficulty and nearly lost purchase when sudden pleasured soared through him.  
>"Hng-"<br>He wanted to yank the condom off but that would not do. Izaya chuckled.  
>"You're still so easy to read. Must work on that. But maybe that's fine when I'm fucking you."<br>This was not dirty talk, it was simple matter of fact. Kida was already far too gone. His arms beginning to give way as he edged closer to losing control altogether. Izaya replaced Kida's wavering hold with a strong grip, sinking his fingers into tender flesh and using the hips for leverage as he picked up speed. Kida could only tell that Izaya was climaxing by the slightly broadening of the smile and the scalding feeling of wetness shooting inside him. He followed in a mix of raw edged pain and ravaging pleasure.


	10. Chapter 10

Izaya was already on his feet and zipping up. Kida was still grasping for air, the condom slipping out now that he was becoming limp. Izaya tossed him a few items that Kida could not quite see.  
>"I'm a responsible adult, Masaomi-kun. Being sexually active means carrying and knowing how to use condoms so have a package and a few more freebies. Don't mistake me here, you're not going to use them when I'm not around. But it's a matter of principle."<br>"I got it."  
>Kida put them in the large pockets. Izaya made as if to leave but halted with his back turned to Kida.<br>"By the way, perhaps you think that I was too harsh to your friend Mikado-kun?"  
>Kida got up slowly. His legs were wobbly and he was exhausted. But Izaya was demanding him to think through his mess of feelings.<br>"He brought it on himself."  
>Izaya cast him a glance over his shoulder.<br>"Indeed he did. That was the right answer. So here."  
>Kida grabbed something in mid-air. He groped in the dark.<br>"Is this…a switchblade?"  
>"It's all about protection, Masaomi-kun. Have fun. And be careful, that's not a toy."<br>Izaya was gone as if he had never been there. Kida limped back to his room and marveled at the knife. It was smaller than Izaya's but the blade glimmered dangerously in the light as soon as Kida activated the trigger. He kissed the handle. Upon emptying his pockets he found a discreet enema kit. Kida could almost hear Izaya's mocking laughter wordlessly reminding him of his place.

Field trips meant Kida going into hyper mode. Mikado could think of them in no other terms. He had forgotten most of the official reasons behind these trips but he never forgot the exuberance that Kida poured into them to the point of turning the most boring of destinations into adventure lands of sorts. Mikado had begun to wonder if what made his days so full of excitement were not exactly the surroundings as much as it was Kida's joyous presence. After all, Mikado had never thought of their village as dull until Kida had left.  
>Field trips meant having fun together first and foremost. And recent events made Mikado very eager to get closer to Kida and this was a good opportunity. After all being away from Tokyo, even for a while, should diminish the negative influence that Mikado could almost see stealing his friend away. However, he was not sure if he would get around to talking to Kida today. The buses had already arrived but there was no Kida to be seen. Mikado squinted in both directions of the street, trying to spot him casually strolling as usual and ready to spin into some rant. Even if Kida was never late for field trips.<br>"Is Kida-kun not coming? Maybe you could call him?"  
>Anri was worried, too.<br>"I'm sure he'll get here any time now."  
>Mikado was deadly afraid of calling because Izaya might be the one to pick it up. He tapped his foot nervously and managed to miss Kida when he did arrive. Mikado was still not used to seeing Kida with black hair and he surely was not expecting to find him in dark clothes.<br>"Kida-kun! You're late, we were just about to leave."  
>"I'm here now."<br>Kida spared him a glance. Anri left them to their own devices.  
>"Isn't it great that we'll be sharing the same room? We're not in the same class but since I'm a rep I got them to change the arrangements a bit."<br>They boarded the bus. Mikado stopped when they reached their seats.  
>"Kida-kun, you can have the window seat."<br>Mikado did not know what was so interesting about watching the same old scenery fly by but it was one of their traditions to give Kida the prime position to enjoy it as he loved. Kida slumped on the seat and closed his eyes.  
>"It's the same to me."<br>Mikado sat next to him and smiled wanly.  
>"Are you sleepy?"<br>"Stayed up all night."  
>"Were you playing videogames?"<br>"Not exactly."  
>Kida was not being very helpful.<br>"This will be fun, won't it? It's been so long since we last went on a field trip together. Remember that time-"  
>"Mikado, I'm really tired. Wake me up when we get there."<br>"But…"


	11. Chapter 11

Kida fell asleep on the spot. Mikado sank. Kida was not supposed to be pale and sparse of words like this (now that he was sitting right next to him he could see that Kida was at least a shade whiter than usual), completely uninterested and flat out indifferent. He knew that many times Kida stayed up the night prior to field trips because he was bouncing off the walls but even then he was always bouncy by the time they were on the road. But Kida was indeed asleep now. Mikado did not know what to do.

Kida was running away. From what he did not know. He stumbled through warped streets drenched in neon lights that distorted the city into an endless maze. He was being hunted down. It was just around the corner, his frantic steps echoes madly and carried him straight into something dreadful-  
>"-you okay?"<br>Kida started from a nightmare and ran a hand through his hair. It was just a dream. Mikado was almost on his lap, shaking him. Kida wondered when he had last seen his friend this scared. It had been around forth grade over a storm that caught them unprepared in the middle of a field.  
>"I'm fine."<br>"You were having a bad dream. Is something wrong?"  
>Kida shook himself awake. And then he jumped on Mikado and applied his favorite locking technique that only worked because Mikado was never fast enough- or willing- to dodge it.<br>"Mi-ka-do, it's the Kida-kun special tackle!"  
>Relief filled Mikado. He remembered a particular stormy afternoon. Kida had distracted him from his fear of lightening by applying a surprise attack just like this.<br>"I can't breathe!"  
>"Field trips, being on the road, it just makes me want to share these days of my youth with my best friend."<br>Kida did not precisely lie but he overcompensated. Mikado squirmed weakly.  
>"Let's have fun together, Kida-kun."<br>Kida held him closer. Short of being painful. In the backseat no one could see them. Kida was lying on top of him, his face hidden against Mikado's back.  
>"Mikado, please don't ever make me choose."<br>Before there could be a follow up Kida had recovered and was chatting with someone from across the aisle. Exuding light hearted joy. Mikado watched him, the warning still ringing in his ears. He knew what Kida meant. He almost wished that he did not.

For the remaining of the day Kida warded off exhaustion as best as he could. He was tired in more ways than one. It was as if he had in fact been racing for ages. As Tokyo receded into the distance, he felt a bit more at ease. Mikado stalked his every move as if Kida was about to be spirited away by some ogre. Every now and then Kida checked his phone but Izaya did not call nor did he establish contact in any way.  
>Kida was not even aware of how much of effort he put into playing up his façade for all it was worth until late afternoon rolled by and he stepped into the shower. Standing under the hot water he exhaled and closed his eyes. Suddenly he felt too drained. About to cry. Warm droplets washed away his tears. Loss was upon him.<br>In the room Mikado hesitated. He had told Kida to take a shower first because he wanted to check out on something but when brought to actually going through Kida's pockets, he found himself unsure. But in the end he needed to find some clue as to what was going on. Mikado opened Kida's wallet and searched its contents. Two condoms. Despite everything Mikado was still shocked. He was still trying to come to terms with this discovery when he found a switchblade tucked in a back pocket.  
>"If you want to borrow money you only have to ask."<br>Mikado jumped. He turned around slowly, as red handed as possible. Kida was nonplussed, a towel around his waist, his eyes narrowed.  
>"Are you having sex…?"<br>"Yes."  
>"And you didn't tell me?"<br>Kida shrugged.  
>"As opposed to you that keeps me up to date with all things in your life?"<br>Mikado gaped in silence for a while.  
>"We promised to tell the other when we lost our virginity."<br>"Oh yeah, that we did. I guess I should apologize, then."  
>Kida did not sound at all sorry. Mikado expected that his bragging ways would insure that Kida told him at least something this important.<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

"And since when do you carry weapons?"  
>"You always do this. You always take some sort of moral high ground and lecture everyone. What makes you sure you're right and everyone else is wrong?"<br>"Orihara-san gave you this, didn't he. You have got to stop seeing him. All these tickets to Shinjuku, just how much time are you spending with him? He's no good for you, you're changing into a stranger-"  
>"Or maybe I am being myself. Now give me back my blade."<br>"No. You can't-"  
>Mikado never saw it coming. Kida snatched the knife, flickered it open and kicked him to the floor in one fluid move. It was the suddenness of it that disarmed him so completely. Mikado had no time to even react, his very reasonable speech knocked out of him along with the air that he tried to recover. Kida had him pinned down, the blade poised high above.<br>"Don't tell me what I can and can't do."  
>"Kida-kun, please listen to me! What are you doing, are you going to kill me?"<br>Tears threatened.  
>"I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. That's why- that's why you shouldn't push me."<br>From the window a blast of lightening crossed the room and for a split second they were locked in lugubrious light. And then thunder followed. Fear froze Mikado anew. Kida too was shaking. He could feel the distance of years between them and it turned Mikado into the frightened kid that Kida always had to protect. The blade was gone in a flash. Kida got dressed and fixed some tea. Hot and green. He placed the steaming cup next to Mikado who was now crying. Random goons attacking him was one thing but his own best friend turning a knife to him was beyond his coping skills.  
>"Mikado, for all it's worth I am sorry."<br>It was difficult to look at him so Kida studied the pattern of rain on the windowpane instead. He had never realized how heavy Izaya's gift of violence could be. Kida knew that he could not offer any words of consolation. This was a storm that split them apart.  
>"You sound like you're about to go away."<br>Mikado stared at the warm ghost emanating from the tea. Everything was utterly preposterous.  
>"I think I'm already too far gone."<br>"Do you hate me now?"  
>"I don't hate you. You're the one that probably hates me now."<br>All the reasons that Mikado had lined up had deserted him whole. Shattered in instant. He tried to take some advantage of the reopened lines of communication.  
>"I don't hate you either. I just think you're confused and-"<br>"That's what you want to think. It makes you feel better."  
>Mikado was silent for a while.<br>"Kida, Orihara-san isn't a good person."  
>"I know."<br>"You do?"  
>"Don't get me wrong. I hold no illusions as to Izaya's nature. He's cruel, at times even vicious and he does enjoy hurting others."<br>Kida found it easy to expound on these traits. The feeling of election with which Izaya occasionally bestowed with, the dizzying unreasonable joy it brought, these were secret issues of which he would never speak.  
>"Then…why? Aren't we friends? What could make you turn against a friend…?"<br>"A lover would."  
>Mikado flinched. Somehow this was worse than overt violence. There was a sense of finality that was painful to accept.<br>"I think that a lover that would force you to reject your friends just can't be good for you."  
>Kida chuckled.<br>"No one is forcing me to do anything. Did you honestly think that Izaya would say something like, 'Masaomi-kun, keep tabs on Mikado for me and make sure you tell me when you find anything suspicious.'? Izaya doesn't need me to crush you."  
>But Kida wondered if Izaya would get an extra boost from making him instrumental in that.<br>"But he's just using you-"  
>"Of course he is. He is Orihara Izaya, he has no need for me. Or you or anyone else for that matter."<br>Transparent admiration in his words.  
>"That's not love. He'll just hurt you, kill you even!"<br>"What do you know about love anyway? You're so patronizing. With you it's always black and white. You judge people left and right as if you were some sort of moral authority. Well guess what, I don't really care."  
>"I just wanted us to have fun together- that's all- but you're being so mean and-"<br>"Mikado, growing up is not about 'having fun'."


	13. Chapter 13

By now Mikado had scrambled back to his feet again.  
>"I've got connections too, you know. And I can use them."<br>"I'd love to know where those connections of yours were when you got stuffed in a locker on a daily basis in elementary school."  
>Mikado wiped away his tears.<br>"You were there to help me back then."  
>"I don't think I'll be able to do that from now on."<br>"I can't understand why this is even happening."  
>Kida smiled wanly.<br>"I'm not too sure it can be understood."  
>Mikado picked up the cup. There was a bitter undertow to the tea. A tiny stick floated vertically.<br>"Even if you say that, you don't seem very happy to me. You hardly laugh anymore and you've been having nightmares-"  
>"Sorry if you don't enjoy being around me anymore."<br>"It's not like that! You've always been so energetic and cool. I just don't know how to handle you when you like this."  
>Mikado finally looked directly at Kida. In the background the weather soothed down to milder gusts of wind that hissed through the cracks. Kida sat on a chair, quietly sipping his tea as if this was not one of the most heart wrenching moments of his life as it was to Mikado. Kida shrugged.<br>"You can just ignore me. We're not in the same class so it wouldn't be awkward."  
>"I don't want that."<br>"Neither do I."  
>"Then-"<br>"But Mikado, when you really desire something you have to be willing to let go of other things. Even if you have to give up on them."  
>Mikado had to clear his throat.<br>"So I'm…collateral damage?"  
>"You make it sound as if I'm a villain here. Truth is, I'm not exactly your priority either, now am I? And that's fine with me."<br>Mikado wanted to tell Kida that all along he had been planning on sharing everything with him but he knew it would be pointless.  
>"Kida-kun, I really-"<br>"But it's all good. You have your connections now and all sorts of prospects ahead of you. It's not as if you need me to pick you up when it gets stormy."  
>Kida stretched as he spoke. Then hopped off his seat and sauntered to bed. Putting an end to the conversation with a kind of rude civility that did not speak of his inner turmoil. Mikado was disconcerted at this even more than at the initial attack.<br>"Are you dismissing me?"  
>"Not exactly. But I am tired and I really did not sleep last night."<br>Somehow, Kida felt relief. Part of him still wanted to console Mikado but that would defeat the purpose. Even if his conscience ached at this.  
>"Because of…Orihara-san?"<br>"If you must know, yes."  
>Mikado winced. He would rather that Kida were a bit less matter of fact about this whole deal. It made Mikado seem as at odds to deal with change as he knew himself to be. Mikado realized that he hated Orihara Izaya.<br>"Did he also make that mark on your ear?"  
>"That's a bite mark."<br>"Didn't that hurt…?"  
>"I didn't even notice it at the time."<br>Silence stretched out.  
>"Kida-kun, let's remain friends. Okay?"<br>"Alright."  
>Kida was in for a second sleepless night in a row. Mikado suffered through his first one and hated it through and through. The clock ticked five am when Mikado reached the conclusion that he could only destroy Izaya. No matter what it took.<p>

The ride back was mostly silent. Just enough cautious chitchat to cover up a chasm. Kida could not remember ever being this drained. He kept zoning out. Too numb to even care. All he wanted was to get home and sink into oblivious sleep. Hopefully dreamless. But it figured that Izaya should be waiting just outside the school gate, parked on a shiny black convertible Ferrari. Just casually leaning against the highly expensive machine that screamed luxurious decadence from the plush seats to the silver wheels.  
>"Hello, Masaomi-kun."<br>Izaya waved. His rings seemed to sparkle.  
>"Hi there."<br>"Hop in."  
>Izaya jumped into the driver's seat without even opening the door. After some hesitation Kida sat next to him.<br>"Are we going somewhere?"  
>The engine hummed in a purring manner.<br>"We're going for a ride. Now buckle up. Oh and hello, Ryugamine-san! Off we go."  
>Mikado stood agape as Izaya burnt some rubber in as his car took off, leaving only the after image of his smile on his wake. For a long time Mikado followed the car with his eyes, even when it was no longer visible.<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

Speed blurred the city into a smudge, bright glimmers bouncing off the rearview mirror. The seatbelt was tightly strapped so that Kida could hardly breathe. Izaya drove with one hand, the jacket trailing in the wind that swept over him. Kida felt that they were flying above the asphalt. Izaya turned corners, clipping the angle to the point he nearly got out of the road. He hummed some popular tune and was altogether breezy. The famous black motorcycle passed them but Kida almost did not notice it. Izaya swerved in between cars, took an overpass and sped into a tunnel. Lurid orange illuminated the darkness.  
>"Are we leaving the city?"<br>Kida had the disorientating feeling of being lost. He glanced at the speedometer, the needle steadily creeping beyond the speed limit.  
>"Masaomi-kun, are you afraid of death?"<br>He held the seatbelt and tried to remain calm. The world was spinning wildly.  
>"Everyone is, I think."<br>"Oh? Is that so? Let's check."  
>Vertigo made Kida sick with dread as Izaya turned the stirring wheel and without breaking the monotone melody burst through the opposite lane. For a split second Kida could see the liquid-like road running too close to him as the car tipped on two wheels alone and then they were dashing headlong into a flood of incoming headlamps. Kida had the vague idea that he screamed.<br>"Izaya- what are you doing?"  
>"It's an experiment."<br>Izaya zeroed in on a van and locked his trajectory so as to unswervingly lead to collision. He finally bothered to use both hands to drive but the song, Kida recognized it now, still lingered on. Izaya smiled with narrow hard eyes.  
>"You'll die!"<br>"Such selflessness truly touches me. He'll back off soon enough."  
>Kida wanted to close his eyes but somehow he could not. He now knew the blind panic that possessed some animals to stand frozen to the spot even as they were about to be mowed down. At the very last moment the van gave up blasting its horn and swung out the Ferrari. Izaya chuckled and after a few more death defying moves returned to the right lane, resuming the soundtrack without a hitch. Cold sweat dampened Kida's skin. Nausea overtook him.<br>"No throwing up on the seats, Masaomi-kun. I mean it."  
>Kida vomited over the window, the restraining belt keeping him from losing his balance and falling to a rather painful demise. Bitterness worked its way. From the rearview mirror he caught Izaya's smile. It was as smooth and full of mirth as Kida was fearful and ill. Izaya patted his head, fingers soothingly caressing hair.<br>"There, there. We're here."  
>It was with surprise that Kida realized that were in front of Izaya's apartment. He did not know when they had returned to Tokyo. Izaya parked underground and hopped out of the car, his step as light as ever. He opened the passenger's door in a mock invitation of sorts.<br>"Aren't you coming?"  
>Kida needed help to unbuckle and his legs were so wobbly that without Izaya he would have sunken. With some effort Kida managed to walk on his own. Surely there were ulterior motives to this kindness of Izaya's but whatever they were Kida could not guess. Izaya led him to the living room and Kida found himself sitting on the couch. Shortly after some hot drink was offered to him.<br>"Just a little something to steady you. Now, I could be mistaken but by the looks of it you haven't been getting much sleep as of late."  
>Kida nodded. He took a sip and the unfamiliar burn was oddly recognizable at the same time.<br>"There's a bit of alcohol in that. I guess you shouldn't have it, then. Since you are a minor after all."  
>Of course Kida could only down the rest of this liquid fire, the initial distaste replaced by comforting warmth as he kept drinking.<br>"Izaya-"  
>"You keep impressing me when I least expect it. When push comes to shove you are more concerned about my life than your own."<br>There was indeed a note of interest in Izaya's voice.  
>"Is that why you did that?"<br>Izaya shrugged and sat next to him.  
>"Who knows. Call it 'calculated risk', if you will. But this much I will tell you, Masaomi-kun. That which you cannot possibly bear to lose is what you truly do love. It's a flawless litmus test for human emotion."<br>Kida started. It was as if Izaya had somehow managed to eavesdrop on the previous night.


	15. Chapter 15

"You're telling me that I love you."  
>"More than that, I'm telling you that you do not expect me to love you back. You may be a masochist. We are a perfect fit. Because you see, I am something of a sadist."<br>Kida was getting heated. Perhaps he could not yet hold his liquor or it could be that Izaya had spiked the drink. Kida accepted this possibility without batting an eyelash.  
>"Aren't those two connected? Sadism and masochism, that is."<br>"So you're a fast learner as well as fast in other areas."  
>Kida smiled drowsily.<br>"I've always liked your sense of humor."  
>Izaya crossed his legs.<br>"Is that so? I'm afraid most people cannot appreciate my comedy genius."  
>Alcohol unloosened Kida.<br>"I just so happen to be your number one fan. I make people laugh all the time, you could say it's my 'Kida Masaomi' forte. But you bruise with your words while you're having fun."  
>"It seems that you're drunk."<br>"Probably."  
>Kida giggled. His mind was mushy, thoughts sliding off as if it were tilted at some odd angle.<br>"Masaomi-kun, why don't you try to make me laugh?"  
>Izaya was quiet in his predatory way of stalking his prey at the pace he wanted.<br>"It's funny, today I almost died- yesterday was hell- Mikado thinks I'm on the way to perdition-"  
>"And aren't you? On your way to perdition, that is."<br>It was such an adult word that even though Kida had first brought it up, he still fought to define it accurately. Conceptual distinctions were now far too vague for him to grasp. The floor was shaking.  
>"Earthquake? No, that's not it. You put something in my drink, didn't you?"<br>"I do not confirm nor do I deny it."  
>Kida nodded then regretted it. Even that made his budding headache spring to the forefront of his awareness. He lied on the sofa, almost falling into it.<br>"I see. Is it poison?"  
>"Hmm…not exactly. It's just a mild chemical disinhibitor."<br>Kida laughed.  
>"By that you mean that it'll probably fry my brain."<br>"Oh? You don't sound too worried, though. But maybe you're regretting ever crossing paths with me?"  
>Kida shook his head. The veneer of reserve that naturally coated his interaction with this volatile man was now pushed to the dim edges of muddled apathy.<br>"No, I don't regret it at all. I'm glad."  
>"Do you remember when we first met?"<br>"I remember. It was late at night, in Ikebukuro, near the Sunshine intersection. I knew that you were right away. And that I wanted to follow you no matter what but it wouldn't have worked back then."  
>Izaya caressed his cheek with all that treacherous gentleness that Kida found so captivating.<br>"That wasn't the first time I saw you, though. I spotted you before that. You were standing just outside of the Ikebukuro station, 'I come from the country' all but spelled on your forehead. I waited on the other side of the street to see just who was picking you up. As it turned out, no one did."  
>"No, no one did. I had no idea you were there at that time."<br>As unstable as his power of association currently was, Kida could picture that incident with perfect clarity. So much so that as he reached inside memory, he saw Izaya in his urban stealth mode.  
>"Strange, I remember seeing you now."<br>"A side effect of this drug is that it enhances one's recollection skills. As well as making one unable to lie."  
>"So you're calling it a drug now."<br>"Non-addictive."  
>"Unlike you."<br>"Are you saying that you're addicted to me?"  
>Kida spread himself on the soft seats and inhaled the familiar scent of leather.<br>"Yes. I couldn't get away from you even if I wanted to. And I don't want to."  
>"That's perdition. It's not by mere chance that it is said of me that I bring corruption."<br>"I know. No one that is pure can ever possibly love you."  
>Izaya contemplated this.<br>"No wonder Shizu-chan hates me so very much."  
>"What kind of relationship do you have with Heiwajima Shizuo? He has your key."<br>Kida would never have dared to ask but all obstacles between them had been swept clean. Artificially so. But he felt on the same slanted platform as Izaya. The one from which the world was viewed as so many interconnected distortions.


	16. Chapter 16

"A hate/interest relationship. That would be the best way to describe it. Shizu-chan despises everything I stand for."  
>Kida detected something beneath the surface.<br>"That makes you sad."  
>"Does it now. I guess the drug also boosts your perception of other people."<br>Kida rolled until he was lying on his back.  
>"Orihara Izaya actually being sad over someone else. Never believed I'd see that."<br>"Jealous?"  
>"Yes."<br>There was no hesitation, he admitted it readily. Being stripped of lies also lifted Kida from a bog of apprehensions. He felt afloat and in motion.  
>"And why's that?"<br>"The closest you can come to loving anyone is being interested in them. That seems to be what drives you."  
>Izaya closed Kida's eyes with briefest touch.<br>"I'm interested in what you've got to say now. What is your colour? Still yellow?"  
>"Figures you'd know about that as well."<br>"This city is mine."  
>"My color…I don't know if I have one. I suppose it would be…'mixed'."<br>"Mixed?"  
>Mild surprise on Izaya's part. Kida saw it as a tiny victory.<br>"It's not a pretty color. Just a mix of many colors, a bit like watching the Ikebukuro neon through cracked lenses."  
>"I like that image. And what color do you believe is mine?"<br>Kida was carried by a stream of lights. It took him away into secret places.  
>"Not black. Not exactly, at least. That would probably be everyone's choice in describing Orihara Izaya's colour. But you're too much for a single colour. It's more like…so many dark gradients. Like the shadow side of colour."<br>"Would you kill for me, Masaomi?"  
>It was not even an abrupt change as much as it was a logical progression. Down to the suppressed honorific.<br>"It depends…I really can't say."  
>"What does it depend on?"<br>Without the restrictions of fear Kida did not think of squirming away from the question.  
>"On who it was…and on whether I really needed to."<br>"So you're not just a minion following orders."  
>Fingers brushed Kida's hair.<br>"You already have many of those."  
>"Very true. Would you kill, say, Ryugamine Mikado? If you had to."<br>Silence. Not so much because Kida was reluctant to answer as much as because he was rather unsure.  
>"I can't say."<br>"Would you kill Ryugamine Mikado to save your life?"  
>"No."<br>Izaya repeated the name in a sing song lilt that added to the strain-less effect of being in a bubble of sorts.  
>"Would you kill Ryugamine Mikado to save my life?"<br>More silence. Kida still kept his eyes closed for he was unwilling to resist. His darkness was relative only, for many bits of memories flitted by.  
>"If I really had to."<br>"Let us assume that it was either your killing Ryugamine Mikado or my dying. What would you do?"  
>Izaya craftily constructed the query so as to lead Kida into formulating a full reply.<br>"If that were to happen, assuming that it was indeed impossible to avoid it, then- then I would do it."  
>Subconsciously Kida avoided voicing the words themselves. Izaya took note of how Kida framed the scenario so as to be completely hypothetical. Still, the damage was done.<br>"Are you sure about that?"  
>"Yes. As sure as I am that I'd hate myself forever."<br>"To the point of letting guilt wreck you?"  
>"Yes. I wouldn't be able to live with myself."<br>"Now that's no good, Masaomi. Our sins are also part of who we are."  
>"This is why all of your many colours are dark. Even when they shine."<br>Izaya picked him up easily. A small built man as he was, Izaya had no problems carrying him all the way to a big room. He placed Kida on a massive bed neatly covered by black silk sheets.  
>"Growing boys should get plenty of rest. So stay the night."<br>Kida looked around. Minimal decorations, a folded laptop on a low table.  
>"Is this your bedroom?"<br>"Indeed it is. I have some work to do so goodnight. Put this on."  
>Izaya tossed him a shirt. Kida stripped before the unfaltering gaze and slipped between the covers. Wearing Izaya's clothes was usually a turn on but the quasi poison flowing in his veins made him comfortable in absolute relaxation. He fluffed a pillow and sighed.<br>"This is nice…goodnight, Izaya."


	17. Chapter 17

Kida dropped asleep. Izaya watched him for a while. Observing the child that was so small on the stage like set that was his bed.  
>"Your colours haven't changed all that much, Kida Masaomi. Only instead of simple yellow they are more like the colour of gold. Broken gold. Just like the shards of light that bounce off Tokyo Bay in the dead of night. It's a colour that looks very beautiful to me."<br>Izaya spoke to himself. He softly closed the door behind him and waited. Timing was important. And within half an hour there was indeed a knock at the door. Two resolute knocks followed by,  
>"It's Ryugamine. We've got to talk."<br>Izaya smiled.  
>"Well hello, Ryugamine Mikado-san. Whatever brings you to my humble abode? And congratulations on finding it, I suppose."<br>Izaya stood on the threshold so as to block it.  
>"Just let me in."<br>"Hmm…now why would I do that? If you want to recruit my services this is my free time so you might as well leave."  
>Mikado did not budge.<br>"You know why I'm here. Now let me in."  
>Izaya swung open the door without removing the obstacle that his body introduced in the entryway.<br>"Now, now, I may be an informant but I cannot be expected to simply guess, now can I?"  
>"Orihara-"<br>"This is private property. So state your business."  
>"I've got to talk to you. About Kida."<br>Izaya bowed with a flourish as he stepped out of the way.  
>"Was that so hard? Do come in. What can I get you? Tea?"<br>"No thanks."  
>"Take a seat."<br>Izaya pointed at the sofa.  
>"I'll stand."<br>"Let it never be said that I am not hospitable."  
>Izaya sat and stretched.<br>"I'll cut straight to the point. Stop seeing Kida."  
>Mikado had reached the conclusion that convincing Kida was beyond him and that the only person that could put an end to the downward spiral that was so painfully obvious was Orihara Izaya himself.<br>"About that, could you keep your voice down? Masaomi-kun is sleeping now."  
>Mikado balled his hands into fists.<br>"What did you do to him?"  
>"Surprisingly enough, nothing much."<br>Mikado made it to the corridor, he would find the room himself. Izaya let him take a few steps then chimed in,  
>"You should know that if you wake him now you'll lose him forever."<br>He halted on his tracks.  
>"Orihara-san, I'm not asking you to let him go. I'm telling you to."<br>Izaya put on his mock shocked face.  
>"Oh my. I am being ordered by a middle schooler. Panic seizes me suddenly."<br>Mikado narrowed his eyes. Izaya smiled calmly.  
>"I don't mean just me. I'll use all the power at my disposal and my organization to the fullest."<br>Izaya clapped.  
>"Bravo. So you're making a formal declaration of war?"<br>"That's right."  
>"Hmm…how troublesome. By now you must have realized that telling me was a mistake on your part. But it doesn't even matter. You see, your 'strength in numbers' and cuddly 'best friend' formulas are pretty much useless when it comes to this."<br>"We'll see about that."  
>Izaya shrugged.<br>"Masaomi-kun is here because he wants to be. I didn't kidnap him if that's what you think."  
>"Don't call him that. No one uses his first name."<br>"Apparently someone does."  
>Mikado was silent for a while. Gathering his bearings.<br>"You are a truly despicable man, Orihara Izaya-san."  
>"Aren't you missing something here? Do think about it. The fact that Masaomi - and I'll call him as I well please because I'm the one bedding him - is so attracted to me says so much more about him than it does about me."<br>"You're leading him on. He's not thinking properly. You're older, smart-"  
>"And you were about to say 'smarter'."<br>"-wily and you do this to nice people all the time."  
>Izaya chuckled.<br>"And I suppose that you know all about Masaomi-kun, don't you. 'I know him better than you do', you'd say. You've got all the answers. If you honestly believe that he was doing absolutely fine until evil Izaya appeared and stole his virtue or something equally obtuse then I must say that you overestimate your intellect."  
>"He wasn't like this."<br>"Let me ask you something, did he ever tell you of any problems he had while you were still in the middle of nowhere? 'He didn't have any', you'd say. Isn't that convenient for _you_."


	18. Chapter 18

"I'm sure you've been stalking him for a while now."  
>"Wrong. Masaomi-kun came to me. Not the other way around. But 'bukuro is my turf so I know a thing or two about its prime players."<br>"Is that how you get your information?"  
>"I keep my methods to myself. It suffices to say that they work."<br>"If you're blackmailing him I'll find out."  
>Izaya laughed.<br>"Good luck on that. Truth is, you haven't been paying attention."  
>"To what?"<br>At the back of Mikado's mind he was already questioning himself. And that was the worst place for him to be. Izaya's smile grew sharper.  
>"Ryugamine-san, allow me to give you some advice as your sempai in life. Strangers will always be easier to get to do your bidding than those close to you. Furthermore, power over those often blinds one to the obvious. Do you see what I mean, Ryugamine-san? If you have a secret side to you then others have one as well. If you can keep it from your friends then they can hide it from you too. In other words: we are all humans. Apply some logic to the situation if you will. Bye now."<br>Mikado gritted his teeth.  
>"I'm not leaving until I see him."<br>"Be my guest. Second door to the right."  
>Mikado had every intention of ignoring Izaya's not too veiled threats and taking Kida with him by any means necessary. But that dissolved into confusion when he came within sight of the large bed. Kida was curled on his side, peacefully sleeping. A faint smile illuminating his face. Mikado had expected to find Kida crying perhaps even huddled in a corner and ready to throw himself into his arms. Up to this point Mikado had viewed his visit as a rescue mission but now he knew that if Kida was dreaming his dreams were happy ones. The gravity of the situation reasserted itself in more complicated terms.<br>Mikado brushed his cheek, very softly. His hand shook a bit.  
>"Izaya…?"<br>Mikado retracted immediately and stepped out of bed. He left the room hurriedly. Izaya was waiting with folded arms just outside.  
>"Could it be, a sudden change of heart?"<br>"I'm not giving up on Kida."  
>"It's more like he's given up on you, isn't it?"<br>Mikado wished he had his ballpoint pen.  
>"He's my friend. I won't let him waste away with the likes of you."<br>Izaya followed him to the door and as Mikado put on his shoes added almost as afterthought:  
>"'The likes of me', huh. Truth is, even if I were the nicest person on this Earth, even if I had wings and a halo you'd still not approve of my involvement with Masaomi. Have fun figuring out why that is, Ryugamine-san. I bid you good evening."<p>

Kida had the vaguest idea that he was being touched. But it was a faltering caress that could not be Izaya's. So Kida could not be bothered. He sank deeper into smooth soothing darkness. An untold amount of hours afterwards he woke up to find tiny slices of sushi arranged on a low table right next to the bed. A short message scribbled on a notepad informed him that he was to eat and sleep to his heart's content, signed Orihara Izaya. Kida admired the spidery handwriting.  
>After a few bits of ootoro he realized that he was very hungry. He ate without giving any thought to what Izaya could have added to the food. His eyes were closing of their own accord and his still unabated exhaustion washed over him. He sighed contently. The warm weight of Izaya's jacket on top of the covers, a new addition, along with the lush sheets enveloped him in Izaya's presence. Kida was drawn down to deeper layers of sleep.<br>He woke up to the faint sound of fast typing.  
>"Welcome back. Slept well?"<br>Izaya spoke without turning around, his eyes scanning the bluish screen. He sat hunched over the laptop, wearing nothing but black boxers. Kida was immediately fully awake.  
>"Yes. What time is it?"<br>"Half past eleven."  
>"That late? Guess I missed the morning classes."<br>"Actually, you missed the entire day. It's half past eleven pm."  
>Kida gasped.<br>"I slept for twenty four hours…?"  
>"Indeed you did. Feeling more refreshed now?"<br>Izaya crawled towards him with the understated prowl of a predator.


	19. Chapter 19

"Did I really sleep a whole day?"  
>"You must be wondering what exactly was in that drink."<br>Recent memory returned to him. The balance of power between them, or lack thereof, had been reasserted but Kida felt strangely at ease around Izaya. Enough to smile and say,  
>"At least there was nothing in the food."<br>"I figured you needed some rest. The drug only helped you unwind and get rid of the stress you're under."  
>Kida smiled. He was aware that Izaya spun him around and that a lot of the anxiety that gnawed at him could be directly attributed to none other than Izaya himself. Yet for all his devious ways there was some truth to Izaya's truth. Kida felt much better and alert.<br>"I just had dinner but there's still sushi around."  
>"Fatty tuna?"<br>"I'm not stingy with my…I suppose 'underling' wouldn't be right. What should I call you?"  
>"'Masaomi'."<br>"I thought no one called you that."  
>"Clearly someone does."<br>Izaya smiled. There were times when he recognized glimpses of himself in this scrawny boy (Kida was thinner than he seemed once the clothes were off) that was teetering on the edge of greatness. Kida was not as sophisticated and he had not exactly mastered the art of keeping his silence but instead he covered up what was important with a lot of white noise. Kida seemed to be thinking along the same lines.  
>"How were you when you were my age?"<br>Izaya took up a few bits of sushi and offered them to Kida, feeding him juicy pieces of highly expensive fish.  
>"Exactly as I am now."<br>"I'm not surprised."  
>Kida sucked at the slender fingers that Izaya put in his mouth along with flavorful tuna.<br>"But doesn't that mean that I have not evolved?"  
>"Not really. It means that Orihara Izaya is Orihara Izaya and always was."<br>"I'd rather 'And always will be'."  
>Izaya sat cross legged, close without quite touching. Kida stared openly.<br>"You'd like to live forever?"  
>"It's in line with your theory that everyone is afraid of death."<br>Kida swallowed a nigiri, fingers wet with saliva as they slipped from his lips.  
>"Wouldn't that be too hard? To keep on living forever and ever."<br>"Do you have a death wish, Masaomi?"  
>He shook his head slowly. Izaya ate some bits of rice from the corners of his mouth.<br>"It's not like that but at times it's so difficult to go by and live each day by day that just imagining that going on forever sounds so tiring that I doubt I'd like it."  
>Izaya laughed. Kida watched how laughter flexed the slim body and made red eyes glitter.<br>"You do have a point. But I would not mind it at all."  
>"That's because you're very strong. Eternity cannot be for the weak."<br>"'Eternity cannot be for the weak'. I like that. I like it a lot. It sounds like something I wish I had said myself, in fact."  
>Kida smiled around a piece of sushi that melted on his tongue.<br>"I'm sure you're fit to live forever."  
>"But why is that? Your spiritual Darwinism is a wonderful conception but does it explain it completely?"<br>Kida gave it some thought. The impediment to being challenged by talking with Izaya, that frenzy of fear that made Kida speechless, was removed. He wondered if the drug did not have some permanent effects.  
>"I guess not. I think you could handle living forever because you would never grow bored of yourself. You love yourself above all things and that makes you a prime candidate…for a god, I suppose."<br>Izaya blinked. For once caught by surprise.  
>"Bravo, Masaomi. That may very well be it. I would take any afterlife over none. I want to live forever and ever but that does not mean I'll only take a fairy tale ending. It doesn't have to be 'happy ever after', it only needs to be 'ever after.'"<br>Izaya chewed on salmon, Kida bit it and went for a soft kiss. Taking the initiative for a change.  
>"If it's you, I don't think it's impossible."<br>"Is that so?"  
>Izaya's smile was cryptic once more. Kida nodded and ducked until he was licking his way down chest, bellybutton and further down. Izaya was apparently passive as Kida divested him of his underwear, a wet trail drawn over hardening flesh.<br>"Your fingers were just practice for this."  
>"My, you do learn fast."<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

Kida lapped and sucked, being extra careful so as not to let his teeth interfere. A hand patted his hair softly, then pulled at it slightly as Kida redoubled his efforts. Slackening up the jaw, licking, lathering up. It was a high of sorts and only made even more so when he swallowed salty release, letting some of it drip to his lips.  
>Izaya reached for his switchblade from the nightstand and triggered the razor. He placed it so that Kida could see his own reflection in the cold metal. What Kida saw surprised him because for a split second he could not tell who the glowing boy that stared back at him was, a streamlet of semen covering his chin.<br>"This is what you look like when you're happy, Masaomi."  
>Izaya disappeared behind him, the blade nicking at the nape of Kida's neck. Kida moaned as it travelled slowly, cutting the shirt and the skin underneath. It was a shallow wound but the pain was not minor. He was very still, trying not to shiver as Izaya's knife followed his spine in a bloodied caress.<br>"Izaya…"  
>"This has got to hurt but you're aroused, aren't you. A true masochist."<br>Kida did not stir despite the telltale signs of excitement that riveted his now exposed body. The shirt fell around in ribbons.  
>"Then we are a perfect match indeed."<br>"Masturbate."  
>Kida had been clutching at the sheets, he gladly obeyed the laconic command. He spread out his legs and pumped himself while Izaya trailed the thin cut with the tips of his fingers, adding some tongue as he sampled the blood streaming between shoulder blades, playing with the blunt side of the by now slightly warm blade. The painful stimuli tilted Kida over the edge of control. He barely heard Izaya add,<br>"Don't come on my bed."  
>But still he reached for his discarded underwear and climaxed into it. The biting line imprinted on his skin added to the euphoria. Before he could even descend from the heights of his afterglow Izaya was carrying him in his arms and then placing him in a vast bathtub. Kida turned blurred eyes to Izaya who was testing the spray from a showerhead.<br>"I'll take care of this for you. After all, I am a responsible adult after all."  
>Kida was more taken aback by the gentleness with which Izaya washed his cut with lukewarm water and then proceeded to bathe him. Foamy sponge covering him with apple scented shower gel. Izaya disinfected the wound and tended to it with minute gestures that spoke of a long experience of countering as well as inflicting damage.<br>"This is strange. It's like you're adopting me."  
>"I am doing just that. This won't leave a scar."<br>"You've got some great switchblade skills to get it just right."  
>Kida fully accepted that Izaya had enough ownership over him to hurt him if he so desired. Izaya climbed into the half full tub and brought his attention to a slight blemish just along the collarbone.<br>"I've been on the other side, too. See this? Shizu-chan, tenth grade. I dodged the vending machine just fine but unfortunately I couldn't escape from the crowbar that followed."  
>Kida brushed the healed patch of skin, it felt smooth but still Kida winced a bit before kissing it.<br>"To think that anyone would dare-"  
>Trailing off into rage. Kida wrapped his arms around Izaya, loving the sweet contact that was so much more than he could ever hope for. Izaya could scorch him over fire if he was to dote on him like this afterwards.<br>"Shizu-chan has broken a few of my bones over the years."  
>Kida leant against Izaya, the dull ache in his back spreading slowly. For a moment he was silent as he tried to arrange his thoughts. At length he spoke,<br>"If Heiwajima Shizuo is still drawing breath and is even allowed to visit your home then you must have some sort of feelings for him."  
>"And you know this because?"<br>"Otherwise you would never have allowed him to injure your body in such a way."  
>"Ah, careful now, Masaomi. Are you about to ask something of me? Perhaps to further your position and find out where you stand?"<br>"No. Because I know you'd ask me something in return- that would be very difficult for me to do."  
>Izaya tilted Kida's chin and held him in a gaze akin to a serpent courting its prey.<br>"But isn't god the one of whom you ask everything?"  
>Kida smiled.<br>"God also destroys. Do you love Heiwajima Shizuo?"


	21. Chapter 21

Izaya got up, stretched and tossed him a fluffy towel.  
>"Hmm…love is complicated. Everyone has a different idea of what it is to the point of making the concept empty of meaning."<br>Kida draped the towel around his waist. There was only a faint pain in his back. Izaya dried himself and sauntered to the bedroom. Kida followed with a slow step.  
>"Do you have an idea of love as well? 'That which you cannot live without', 'What makes you willing to sacrifice all things'?"<br>Izaya settled comfortably in bed.  
>"You are asking what I love, not what love is for me."<br>Currently Kida drew no exact distinction between the two.  
>"I suppose."<br>"What could I not live without? Simple: my very own self. If you think about it, all other answers may lead one to suicide."  
>Kida sat next to him and Izaya threw him a pair of boxers. They reached to Kida's knees as he put them on so that he felt almost dressed. Izaya basked in glorious nakedness as one that dismissed convention altogether. His command was instinctive.<br>"Why?"  
>"Imagine that your treasured one without which you cannot live just so happens to be a person. People are mortal. If that person dies then so do you."<br>Kida started. On the verge of something.  
>"But that will never happen to me. Because you will live forever."<br>Izaya pulled the covers and rolled on his side, eyes closed as if dreaming.  
>"Even if I do, if you were to die yourself then you would still lose me."<br>"That's just the way it is."  
>Izaya smiled.<br>"Then perhaps this 'love' you speak of is not strong enough. If you would allow for death to interrupt it."  
>Suddenly, new horizons were visible to Kida. Breaking through.<br>"Do you mean…eternal love?"  
>"Its prime condition is of course-"<br>"Eternal life."  
>Kida was aware that he had been led to this conclusion step by step. But that did not make it any less true. Even if Izaya had deflected the original question. Kida pondered over all these things but thought receded as Izaya drew him into a kiss. Preparation was minimal but efficacious so that when Izaya mounted him, it hurt considerably less. Izaya had him on all fours and set for a slow pattern of sharp thrusts, slipping Kida a condom as he became fully hard. As much as Kida wanted to push back, he was too much under Izaya's control to do anything other than let him have his way. Izaya chuckled when he felt a sudden tightening and heard the raspy moan that made it clear that Kida's orgasm was upon him.<br>"You still don't last very long."  
>Izaya followed shortly after. He removed the condom and withdrew. Leaving Kida with a contented sense of emptiness.<br>"Sleepy again? I'm calling it a night as well. Goodnight, Masaomi."  
>"Goodnight…"<br>Kida fought off lethargy and watched Izaya. He lied close and paid a silent worship merely by watching. Izaya's smile did not fade with sleep, it merely grew abstract and more turned inwards. For most of the remaining night Kida watched his god slumber. In the soft darkness there was no notion of time passing. And he wondered if this was not a bit of eternity that he was experiencing.

Mikado did not expect Kida to come to school but he still checked with his class. He was unsure if going to Izaya's apartment had been the wisest thing to do. Having the hostilities out on the open was something that Izaya could all too easily turn against him. Mikado also realized that he had nothing to actually talk about to Anri when they were alone. The awkward silence between them was not that of those who have so much to tell each other but a blank space.  
>Mikado hurried home as soon as he could and spent some long hours going over his and Kida's chat logs. Izaya had hinted at some crisis of which Mikado knew absolutely nothing. So he now dug for clues in the meanderings of their conversations. He could not find anything amiss until he turned to the time. Kida typed as fast as he spoke which was saying a lot. Yet between Mikado's initial greetings there was always a pause that lasted up to one minute, at times a bit longer.<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

Mikado had never noticed it before and even if he had, he would attributed it to multitasking. But he now had his doubts. He imagined Kida hesitating before 'How are you doing?', perhaps considering to tell the truth before going off on tangents that buried the silence, this one a silence of secrecy, in so many words. Mikado bit his lower lip. If he had asked Kida then there was a chance of getting the truth.  
>He folded his hands and poised his chin on them. Perhaps this was an intricate case of Stockholm's syndrome. Kida, for some reason, had bonded with his tormentor. Such things did happen after all. Whatever it was Mikado would not accept that it could possibly be 'love'. His own notions of what that was were somewhat sketchy but he knew that it did not include switchblades and crafty manipulation.<br>Mikado shook his head forcibly. Dwelling in commiseration would not do. After all, Dollars was all about making a change for the positive and what could be better than saving Kida. Even if he was alone in this as Izaya had made all too clear, he had to adhere to the spirit of things. He had not a single doubt that he was doing the right thing. Even though he knew that it would have been impossible he regretted not having dragged Kida out of bed and simply forced him to leave Izaya's den.  
>Mikado could imagine all too well what Izaya was doing to his friend, probably at this very moment, and it made him ill. It was so patently wrong that he had to chalk it down as some kind of temporary insanity. No matter how one looked at it, the fact remained that it was absolutely wrong. Mikado was not one to allow for relativism when his very best friend was involved.<br>He hated injustice which made him not a bit resentful. They had been friends for ages and it was beyond unfair that Kida could ever choose a clearly psychotic individual over him. Mikado halted this train of thought. Izaya had said something about jealousy and he was forced to concede the point. To some extent.  
>Mikado decided that he had to investigate the past as much as possible. But he had to act in the present. Kida's birthday was around the corner. It was a chance that Mikado could not possibly let slide. He got online and found himself chatting to Kanra. Mikado typed rapidly.<br>'I've got a problem. A good friend of mine is hanging out with the wrong crowd. He won't listen to me, what should I do?"  
>He might as well give this a go.<br>'Hmm…can't really say I know but why don't you just find some way of spending more time with him?"  
>It was a very general kind of advice.<br>'I'd like to do something special for his birthday that is soon. He's really bubbly and often overenthusiastic.'  
>'Eh? Sounds like a very colorful person. So you're aiming for a cheerful gift, right?'<br>'That would be nice. But I'm on a budget.'  
>'Oh, I know. Get him a yellow scarf. They're pretty popular around 'bukuro. Everyone wants one. Not expensive either.'<br>'That's it! Thank you, Kanra-san.'  
>It was something of a perfect gift, Mikado thought. It could be a reminder of their friendship that Kida could actually wear.<br>'You're welcome. By the way, it might be fun to keep it a secret from him so that it'll be a surprise.'  
>Even though Mikado had solved nothing, he felt considerably relieved after talking about it.<p>

"Kida-kun, do you have plans for your birthday?"  
>"Not really."<br>Mikado smiled. He had managed to have lunch with Kida and they were currently eating some not too tasty ramen.  
>"If you'd let me, I'd like to throw you a party. Let's see, it would be me, you, Sonohara-san…anyone else you'd like to invite."<br>Kida poked the egg that floated unseemly over the noodles. Mikado had a moment of panic, what would he do if Kida were to say he wanted to add Izaya to the mix.  
>"No need to invite anyone else."<br>Things were not back to normal but Kida was not avoiding him either. He was sparse of words but Mikado did not get the impression that he was angry at him as much as that he was in deep thought. Kida had gained a status of popularity that assured that a small crowd followed him around. Mikado did not precisely understand why Kida was surrounded by girls all the time, maybe the turn for the aloof and reserved had some sort of charm that he completely missed.

* * *

><p><strong>NB:<strong> This fic takes some liberties to better exploit potential of the prompt, thus it's a bit AU-ish


	23. Chapter 23

"Say, Mikado…what do you suppose is the point of all this? Waking up, going to school, having lunch. Being alive, I suppose. What's the point when we'll all end up dying anyway."  
>Mikado closed and opened his mouth a few times, the noodles slipping from his chopsticks.<br>"I don't know but I suppose what matters is what we do while we're alive?"  
>It was so tentative a reply that Kida barely heard it. He was already a bit upset that Izaya had commanded (in that suggestive way of his that might even give you the illusion that you could refuse) him to spend his birthday with friends. Kida felt a bit guilty at how little he was looking forward to it. Even if it had been the longest of times since they had celebrated the date together, Kida still wanted to spend that day with Izaya. He felt it as a demotion.<br>Mikado followed Kida to the shoe lockers after school. A bunch of letters dropped to the floor as he opened his. Pink fringed envelopes scattered about.  
>"You're really popular, Kida-kun."<br>Kida put on his shoes and picked up one of the missives.  
>"'Dear Kida Masaomi-san: you don't know me but I've been watching you-"<br>"Don't read it out loud! That's private…"  
>Mikado flailed some.<br>"'-and I like your style. It's just perfect.'"  
>Kida did not even bother with the rest and promptly shredded the paper into tiny bits. He was annoyed, not only at the empty adoration as at the echo he recognized in these words. Kida remembered that he had said something very much akin to Izaya and somehow he found that highly unpleasant. He walked away.<br>"Wait, are you just going to leave the letters here? Where anyone can read them…?"  
>"Pretty much."<br>Mikado hurriedly scooped them and put them in his backpack, Kida was already turning the corner so he had to pick up his step.  
>"But what about their feelings?"<br>"What about them?"  
>"Don't you care…?"<br>"I don't."  
>They were walking side by side now.<br>"But they like you, it's just cruel to ignore them like this."  
>It was, in fact, the greatest example of lack of respect Mikado had ever witnessed and it was off too. Because Kida was supposed to brag about love letters, perhaps even invent them if they did not exist, and expound at length about how amazing he was without, perhaps, quite believing himself.<br>"No they don't. They don't know me. Whatever they think, their 'love' is created by their own illusions and isn't even real."  
>"But still…"<br>Kida shrugged.  
>"What would you like me to do, then? Tell them face to face I could not possibly care less? They're not important enough for that."<br>"All people are equally important."  
>"Says who. You?"<br>Mikado looked away. He did not at all like this calm sarcasm.  
>"I just think you could be a little nicer, that's all."<br>"Heh, don't you see the irony in that? When I was 'nicer' they just didn't give a shit. People, it seems, like being hurt."  
>Kida had a few ideas as to why it was so. The healing cut still hurt and he had spent a lot of time admiring it in the mirror. A mark of ownership. Kida almost wanted it to leave a scar.<br>"That's rather awful."  
>"But true. I've shredded plenty of these letters in the past days. I'm sure the senders must have realized it by now. But they keep sending them. I believe they keep doing so not despite the fact that I don't care but because I don't care."<br>Mikado scratched his head and blinked a few times. He was not sure how to counter this merciless wisdom.  
>"But that just doesn't make sense."<br>"In a way it makes sense. I mean, they have got to be shallow. Down deep they must know that. As long as they think I'm treating them unfairly and being 'mean', they can say to themselves something like, 'Ah my love is ever so deep, it must be so to survive all this pain. It's so painful but I'll endure anything, that proves that my love is true.'"  
>"That's a sad way of looking at it."<br>"Sure. But that's reality for you."


	24. Chapter 24

Karaoke night. Mikado's treat, all of his savings had been emptied for this one occasion. As he watched Kida sing some silly song or another he knew that it was worth every single yen. His friend was bouncy and perhaps against the odds very talented. Mikado did not have to fake his clapping because Kida's voice naturally flowed with the melody and stayed true to its spirit while adding a peculiar lilt that turned it into a Kida Masaomi reinterpretation.  
>"Mikado! You sing now."<br>"Eh? You know I can't sing."  
>"No matter, no matter. We'll duet, then! And next is Anri-chan."<br>She smiled politely at this. Kida dragged Mikado and got him to half-sing half-flail through a song. Anri was still trying to figure out the boys and what was between them. In her quiet way she observed. She found that more interesting than interacting with them herself. Kida threw an arm over Mikado's shoulder and forced him to join him in a flourishing bow. Mikado nearly fell flat on his face.  
>"For Anri-chan, let's see…Utada Hikaru!"<br>She took the microphone and grabbed it with both hands. Her voice floated softly and without much confidence, apologetic in the very cadence that was mostly drowned by the music. Kida clapped and jumped up and down on the couch. Mikado produced a chocolate cake, too tiny for all the candles piled on its foamy top.  
>"Happy birthday, Kida-kun."<br>Anri nodded in agreement. She was aware that her role was to remain in the background while Mikado and Kida sorted out whatever had to be sorted. Kida blew on the small flames and offered them all a slice, that was all the mini-cake could afford.  
>"Thanks, Anri-chan! I love D and this is a limited edition!"<br>Kida turned the diamond case CD box in his hands and flipped through the glossy booklet.  
>"I'm glad you like it."<br>Mikado waited to hand him a shiny package wrapped in a massive ribbon.  
>"Here's my gift, Kida-kun. I didn't know what to get you, so I gave it a lot of thought."<br>"Whatever can it be, Mi-ka-do!"  
>Kida hoped that his friend had not spent too much on buying him something expensive. He unpeeled the paper rapidly and then his eyes widened before narrowing. His hands shook faintly. Anri knew that something was wrong immediately and tried to warn Mikado with a look but it was too late.<br>"I think you like scarves-"  
>"Is this your idea of a joke, Mikado?"<br>Seething resentment took him aback.  
>"What are you talking about?"<br>"You gave it a lot of thought alright. You _knew_."  
>Paper crumbled as Kida clenched his hands. Mikado flailed in sheer confusion.<br>"Kida, what do you mean? Knew what…?"  
>He lifted his furious gaze from the yellow scarf to Mikado who found himself taking a step back.<br>"You must think this is all very funny. Guess the joke's on me, huh."  
>"I don't know what you're talking about! Kida, this must be some misunderstanding-"<br>"Shut up! People make mistakes- who the _fuck_ are you to throw it in my face-"  
>Kida was a few shades paler.<br>"I don't get it, why are you so upset? It's just a scarf…"  
>It took all that Kida had not to punch Mikado.<br>"It had to be yellow, didn't it. I'm out of here. Don't get near me."  
>Kida was gone before Mikado could even react, tossing the scarf in a billowing stripe of colour. He made as if to follow but Anri detained him silently by just placing a hand on his arm. Mikado slumped on the seat, hands holding his head.<br>"What is happening? Why is everything falling apart, Kida-"  
>Anri had no answer and her supply of consolations was rather limited. She discreetly excused herself and left. Mikado did not even notice.<p>

Kida almost ran. Down some random street, he did not care which. Blinding fury blurred the city and turned the human throngs into a faceless mass. He picked up his pace. The sound of loud steps hitting the pavement resounded hollowly. Kida needed to put as much distance between himself and Mikado as he could lest he turned his blade on him as part of him was aching to do.  
>Anger lent him speed as he dashed toward the crowd.<br>"Masaomi? Happy birthday."  
>He stopped on his tracks, nearly tripping as momentum carried him forward and into arms ready to fold him in a protective embrace.<br>"Izaya…Izaya…"  
>The name was a mantra. Kida sobbed openly, tears springing unbidden.<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

"What seems to be the problem?"  
>"It's Mikado, he- he knew everything, probably all along, I thought we could remain friends but- he was never my friend at all."<br>Izaya gently stroked his hair. As one would soothe a child.  
>"Hush now. Ryugamine isn't important now. After all, I have yet to give you my gift, haven't I?"<br>He kissed Kida's forehead. Izaya's calm was not contagious but some of it reached Kida, carried by the lightness of self confidence. Slowly Izaya removed a silver ring from a slender finger and placed it on Kida's left hand.  
>"You can wear it as you see fit."<br>Kida picked up the tiny piece of metal and looked into smiling eyes as he slipped it around his ring finger. Izaya raised an eyebrow.  
>"Are you telling me something, Masaomi?"<br>"I belong to you."  
>Izaya took a step back, an arm extended as an invitation.<br>"Then come with me."  
>Kida bridged the gap. Wrapping himself in Izaya and standing on tiptoe to kiss him. From across the street Anri saw them. She did not stay long enough to see just how Kida leant on Izaya and mingled their lips. But she knew that this was a public declaration of possession and she couldn't help but pity Mikado.<p>

Kida followed Izaya all the way to the roof of a skyscraper.  
>"What do you see?"<br>Izaya skipped on the ledge, playfully enough. Fur twirling in the dark air that whispered in the wind. Kida peered over into the abyss.  
>"Many lights."<br>"To stand above them all, that is what I do. But if you look around what do you see?"  
>"Only you."<br>"Precisely. If you want to share my life then you will be lonely. No matter how many may surround you, you shall have only me. And I am not the one to give myself away."  
>Kida smiled.<br>"I knew that all along."  
>"Will you work for me, then?"<br>"I hardly know I am worthy of that."  
>Izaya caressed his cheek, the ring cold against his skin.<br>"Let me be the judge of that, Masaomi."  
>"I want to stand by your side. Even if I cast aside everything that I have."<br>"And right now you believe that there is precious little that you have to sacrifice."  
>Kida nodded. The severed bond ached but it could not be retied.<br>"I don't know what you see in me. But even if I have nothing at all I still have myself. And that is yours."  
>Izaya smiled slyly.<br>"Forever?"  
>"Forever."<br>Izaya sealed the contract, for that what it was, with a kiss. Kida lost himself in it completely. There was no outside world apart from this warmth under which there were sharp edges. Kida understood that he was an offering to god. And his god was a wicked one. In ways that his half blind acolyte could not discern. Izaya offered him power to wield over the future and to bring this about he dissected the past. This path to which Kida was led veered away from routine and tortuously filled him with a giddy kind of elation. God was not in heaven and not everything was well on this our collapsing Earth.

"Ryugamine? Ryugamine Mikado? As in, seriously?"  
>Those were the very first words Kida addressed to a four year old Mikado who hid behind a tree because he was slightly afraid of the bubbly boy in front of him.<br>"That's my name."  
>"That is so cool! Ryugamine Mikado! I think I like you already. I'm Kida, by the way. Kida Masaomi. At your service, Mikado!"<br>A bow followed. Mikado took a tentative step forward. He did not know what to do with someone who discarded formalities like this. Kida took the chance to stare at his name tag with great interest and little respect for personal space.  
>"Eh, so that's how you write it. You don't mind it if I call you Mikado, right?"<br>"Oh, no. It's fine…Kida-san."  
>"'-san'? Heh, don't you think that's a bit too much for kindergarten?"<br>"Kida-kun?"  
>Kida shrugged.<br>"Guess that'll have to do. Want some of my lunch? I got pocky, too."


	26. Chapter 26

And this was how Mikado found himself sharing food despite his apprehensions.  
>"You know, we're actually neighbors. Everyone's a neighbor around here but I can see your home from my room. I tried throwing pebbles at your window but it was like you were too busy. I never saw you at the backyard or anything."<br>Mikado clutched his chopsticks.  
>"I don't like being outside too much. There are so many people around…"<br>It frightened him considerably and so Mikado retreated into silence. Kida stole a sausage from Mikado and swallowed it in a few bites.  
>"Nonsense, Mikado! This is nothing compared to Tokyo and that's where you and I are headed!"<br>Kida pointed at the horizon, the azure horizon that blended with an endlessly empty sky. Mikado blinked.  
>"Tokyo…?"<br>"Yes! I just decided. You and me, Mikado!"  
>Mikado looked in the direction of Kida's finger. A few cranes took flight, in the distance that swallowed the sound of their fluttery wings into silence.<br>"I don't think Tokyo is in that direction. As the name says it is in the East, it's written with the kanji for 'East' and-"  
>"Mikado! That doesn't matter!"<br>Kida jumped to his feet and spread out his arms.  
>"Right…but what will you do in Tokyo?"<br>"No idea."  
>"Then why do you want to go there?"<br>"I'll find out once I get there. And it's not just me. You're going as well! Mi-ka-do!"  
>"Ah…"<br>Mikado stopped with an eggroll held in midair. The sun beat through the leafy canopy of trees and greenish light trembled as a gust of flower scented wind shook the trees in a swaying motion.  
>"Do you know what I'm sure Tokyo is full of? Cute chicks! By the way, that short girl that sat next to you? Totally likes me."<br>"How do you know…?"  
>Mikado had not even noticed any girl. He had been too stressed out about being surrounded by so many strangers to pay attention to individuals. Except for Kida who so forcibly intruded on Mikado's privacy.<br>"I always can tell these things. I have love radar. It never fails!"  
>Mikado smiled.<br>"How does that work?"  
>"It's a mystery. Let's make a pact, no girl is ever coming between the two of us. Bros over hoes, something like that."<br>Kida offered his pinkie. Mikado did not even exactly understand what Kida wanted to pledge but it did not even seem to matter because Kida suddenly jumped on him. Mikado was nearly floored, literally so, scrambling on the tall grass as the weight on his back forced him out of the bench.  
>"Kida-kun- heavy-"<br>"Piggyback ride! We're going to Tokyo!"  
>"Tokyo's East from here- we're going North- heavy-"<br>Kida surveyed their very green surroundings.  
>"How can you tell?"<br>"East is where the sun rises-"  
>"You're pretty smart, Mikado!"<br>"Heavy-"  
>Mikado collapsed and the two of them were sent falling, fluffy grass cushioning the fall. Kida ended up lying on top of a highly distressed Mikado and burst out laughing as he rolled on his back.<br>"We're going to be best friends for life, I can just tell! Have some pocky."  
>Kida handed him a chocolate stick. Mikado hesitated before taking it.<br>"Thank you, Kida-kun."  
>"'Ryugamine', huh. That has got to be the coolest name ever, I want it for myself as well. I know! Guess I'll just have to marry you when we grow up!"<br>Kida bit the pocky dangling between Mikado's lips, smiling widely as he did so. The day was brightly lit upon them. Mikado had not known it at this point but this was happiness.

"Hey, aren't you friends with Kida?"  
>"You know, Kida Masaomi. Izaya's pet."<br>Mikado did not recognize these students but over the last couple of days many people had asked him about Kida's whereabouts. He expected Kida to skip school but this was becoming absurd and made worse by the fact he was incommunicable, his phone turned off.  
>"We're best friends."<br>There was something comforting in saying it.  
>"Eh? So you know if it's true?"<br>"What's true?"  
>Already Mikado had a terrible feeling.<br>"Word on the street has it that he dropped out of school."


	27. Chapter 27

Mikado ran to the school's administration office and rapped at the counter.  
>"Hello, can you tell me if Kida Masaomi has been here recently?"<br>A speckled middle age woman peered at him through thick lenses.  
>"And you might you be?"<br>"A friend of his. M'am, please. This is important."  
>"He just withdrew from school this morning."<br>His sense of impending disaster kicked up a notch.  
>"Did he transfer to some other school? And did his parents approve of this?"<br>"No transfer, he just quit. There was no parental permission but we did get a signature from his legal guardian."  
>"What legal guardian?"<br>With painstaking slowness that was almost like torture she went through a pile of papers.  
>"Here it is, Orihara Izaya. Can't be that Izaya."<br>Mikado took a deep breath and clasped the ballpoint pen in his pocket.  
>"What do you mean, do you know Orihara-san?"<br>"I knew a Orihara Izaya. I wish I didn't. He was a student here a few years ago but I remember him perfectly. He was a troublemaker but somehow there was never any proof that he was up to no good. Kida-kun, was he the blonde boy that talked all the time? He was such a nice boy."  
>Mikado was livid and this past tense usage was not making him feel any better.<br>"What did Orihara-san do?"  
>"Normal kids would hang out with him and change. They became quieter but not in a good a way. And then they'd just disappear and no one would ever hear from them again. I'm sorry for your friend, Kida-kun was really sweet."<br>Mikado twirled the pen.  
>"Don't talk like he's dead."<br>The woman gave him a sympathizing look that was despairing to Mikado.  
>"Now that I think about it, there was this student that stood up to Orihara. Heiwajima Shizuo. Good luck."<p>

"Tonight is your debut, Masaomi-kun"  
>Kida walked behind Izaya as they climbed up a flight of stairs.<br>"What should I do?"  
>"Whatever you like. I am giving you the freedom to do what you want."<br>Izaya smiled and opened the door to the windswept night and the dizzying heights. Kida was beginning to feel at home in this environment of skyscraper rooftops but there was a new element. A girl standing next to the ledge. Kida turned to Izaya, silently asking for instructions, but Izaya was silent himself. Kida hesitated but Izaya's gaze was upon him with all its unknown expectations. He walked over to the girl, catching the scent of perfume strewn in the cold air.  
>"Hello, what are you doing here?"<br>She did not turn around.  
>"It's not worth it."<br>"What isn't?"  
>"Living."<br>Kida decided on the spot that he would save her.  
>"Do you feel that there is nothing left for you in this world?"<br>She nodded. Still not turning around. Kida had the distinct feeling that he was putting on a performance for Izaya's pleasure.  
>"But can't you change that?"<br>She shook her head and finally turned to face him. Right before she took a step back into the emptiness of falling. Kida saw it coming and immediately reached out, grabbing one of her hands before it slid out of the concrete rim. Gravity pulled him along until he was doubled up over the railing, her whole weight supported by his arm as he reeled. Frantic lights burst into his field of vision and panic stared at him from glassy eyes.  
>"I don't want to die!"<br>Her shrieking voice pierced his ears. He slid down a bit more and tried to grab her other hand only to give up when his body was nearly sent hurling over. Any change in this precarious balance would prove deadly.  
>"It's okay- I'll try to haul you- just don't move-"<br>She was crying now. Kida's hand was slippery with sweat and at the back of his mind he knew that he was not strong enough to lift her dead weight when he too was about to fall. Izaya sat next to him and hummed some tune.  
>"Masaomi, you have to make a choice now."<br>Kida made another effort at pulling her but this time his feet left the solidity of the floor and it took all the scrambling he had in him just to hold this position. The girl screamed as her body hit the wall. Kida gritted his teeth and hung his head. His arm was tearing at the socket, wind chilled him and threatened to be the final straw.  
>"Izaya-"<br>"You'll have to rely on your own powers."  
>Tears brimmed Kida's eyes and fell on the suspended girl. He squeezed her hand as tightly as he could and made a third attempt that made it cruelly clear in its failure: it was physically impossible to save the two of them. Kida forced himself to look her straight in the eyes. He understood it now.<br>"Your name?"  
>His voice was hoarse.<br>"Harima Mika."  
>"Harima Mika- I'm sorry- so sorry-"<br>Time stilled. Still, a few more seconds and he would topple into the abyss. Kida let go. Izaya held him and whisper into his ear,  
>"Don't you dare look away. Bear witness."<br>Until the very end, until her face was veiled in darkness, as she fell and fell, Kida saw stupefied fear in her eyes. He watched. She fell for a small eternity and yet it was over in a flash. An ugly cracking sound sealed it as her doll-like body, limbs trailing above her as if to reach for Kida, smashed into the concrete. Kida watched. Unaware that he was weeping.  
>Izaya hugged him from behind and rocked him soothingly.<br>"You did well, Masaomi. Do you know why you came to Tokyo? It was so that you could meet me."  
>Kida's heartbeat thundered and resounded inside his head. He crawled into Izaya's lap and breathed in his scent. It steeled him even though he was still shacking uncontrollably.<br>"I tried, I really did try- I-"  
>Izaya kissed him fully on the mouth and slipped him a pill.<br>"Know this, no matter how awful you may feel right now you did not want to follow her. Because you are my very own Kida Masaomi."  
>Consciousness was fading out. Kida could only vaguely tell that Izaya was carrying him in his arms. Being sheltered. He fumbled to the surface before the tide of oblivion lulled him to artificially induced rest.<br>"Izaya…I love you."  
>"Oh, I have no doubts that you do. That makes it all the more interesting."<p> 


	28. Chapter 28

"So, what did you call me out here for? Ryugamine-san?"  
>Izaya sat in front of Mikado at a picnic table. They were in the anonymously crowded environment of one of Ikebukuro's parks. A perfect setting.<br>"You tricked me. You're Kanra, aren't you."  
>"It seems that you are rather perceptive when it comes to the obvious. But I wasn't sure you'd actually take the bait. It was, how should I put it, a bonus of sorts. I wish you'd stop shooting yourself in the foot like this, you make it almost too easy."<br>Mikado had to be very careful in his wording. Things were going his way.  
>"You manipulated me into giving Kida a yellow scarf."<br>"Ah, but that brings us back to what I told you before: you don't pay attention. To what is important, at least. Think about it. What do you know about Kanra? Nothing. But you still took her advice over all you do know about Masaomi when it came to picking up a gift."  
>Mikado tried his utmost to remain calm. The more Izaya spoke the better.<br>"So you're using dirty tricks to tear us apart."  
>"And what part of this is at all unexpected?"<br>Izaya acted surprise and swung his feet unto the table as if to remind Mikado that if this was to veer into a physical confrontation he still had the upper hand.  
>"You are lying to Kida. You've done this before with other kids, you've been doing it since high school."<br>"My, done our research have we."  
>"Your <em>modus operantis<em> remains the same. You'll take kids that feel lost for one reason or another and lure into a life of crime and after they've served their purpose you simply dispose of them."  
>Izaya laughed.<br>"Isn't that absolutely horrible of me. But you're somewhat mistaken. Masaomi is special to me. I do treasure him."  
>"I don't believe you for one second. You don't like him. And you surely don't love him like-"<br>"'Like I do'? You might as well say it."  
>Mikado narrowed his eyes slightly. Never had he known such complete loathing for someone.<br>"I'm Kida's best friend."  
>"Hmm…I am not up to speed with this 'best friend' business but I'm pretty sure it only works if it's mutual. Have you asked Masaomi if <em>he's<em> your best friend as of late?"  
>It was an offhand provocation.<br>"I can't talk to him since you took him away."  
>"You mean 'spirited away'. Like evil goblins and ogres do to little children?"<br>Izaya seemed to half entertain that very notion himself.  
>"You're worse than that."<br>"Except I didn't do any of that. If you want to find Masaomi you need only drop by my apartment. You know where it is so and all."  
>Mikado already knew this. That Kida had not only dropped out of school but moved in with Izaya as well. It was a descent into a world of shadow, that polarized the issue completely and urged Mikado into action.<br>"That's exactly the same thing."  
>"You may very well have a point there. I suppose you're very sorry for Masaomi?"<br>"I'm sorry he ever laid his eyes on someone as despicable as you, Orihara Izaya-san."  
>Izaya chuckled and flipped his legs under the table, propping his chin on folded hands in the same swift movement.<br>"Ever noticed how you become more polite the more pissed off you are?"  
>"And you call me by my last name and '-san' to make fun of me."<br>"Heh, maybe. But really, can you even afford the luxury of pitying anyone? And especially Masaomi?"  
>"It's not pity. It's- I would call it 'love'."<br>"'Would call it' or 'do call it'?"  
>"Drop the word games."<br>Izaya nodded in a parody of seriousness.  
>"Yes, sir. Reading you loud and clear, sir. Why do you feel sorry for Masaomi, then?"<br>The infliction change was subtle but crucial.  
>"Because you're ruining him. I don't care how you spin it, Kida is a good person. Don't try to convince me that he's better now. He has nightmares because of you."<br>Izaya shrugged.  
>"So what? I'm there to hold him through the night when that happens."<br>"If you're so secure about this then why did you take him away from me?"  
>"For the record, I hope you realize that you are talking as a jealous lover would. 'Best friend'? And I have a halo. And again, I did not take anyone 'away'. Masaomi did not want to have to see you everyday so I provided the means to please him in that respect."<p> 


	29. Chapter 29

Izaya's smile was very thin. Mikado decided to ignore the jab altogether.  
>"You could've transferred him to another school instead of just turning him into some sort of sex slave."<br>"As Masaomi's legal guardian I must say that I take offense at what you are implying."  
>"What are you going to do with him when you grow bored?"<br>"You're assuming that that'll happen. Shouldn't you envy Masaomi, if anything?"  
>Mikado felt the conversation shift to territory he had not foreseen. It made him nervous.<br>"What for? I don't care what toys you give him or even if you pamper him."  
>"I don't mean any of that. But of the three of us Masaomi may be the only that can obtain what he truly wants."<br>"And what is that?"  
>Mikado's lead, subterraneous as it was, was slipping.<br>"He gets to stay with the person he loves. It may sound very simple but isn't it amazing in its own right? Masaomi is something of a chosen one. He can remain close to his loved one. Neither you nor I can boast of that and I doubt we ever will."  
>Izaya's voice kept its typical lilt but there was a change in his eyes. Mikado studied it as closely as he could without becoming too overt. He wondered if it could possibly be sadness that he saw therein.<br>"I don't understand what you mean."  
>"Yes you do."<br>Izaya got up and abruptly brought the interview to an end.  
>"Why don't you explain it?"<br>"Because it is needless. You cannot be with Kida because he doesn't want you to, in fact, you can't even tell him how you feel about him. And that you can't even blame me for, now can you? You had plenty of opportunities before."  
>Mikado dismissed most of this.<br>"Are you saying that you have someone you love?"  
>Izaya turned around and spoke as he walked away, waving a hand in the air as he did so. Missing a ring.<br>"Ah, you don't really expect me to tell you that. Ask Masaomi if you want to know. I wish you a good day, Ryugamine-san. And I suppose you will stay in touch."  
>Mikado watched him disappear, fur trim receding into the distance and blending into the crowds until it was no more. Only then did he allow himself to smile. He pressed 'STOP' on the tape recorder inside his pocket. Mikado spun on his heels and headed home. Armed with ammunition now. He would make Izaya regret the day he saw Kida. Mikado walked fast but without rushing. He had come to Tokyo because all those years ago Kida had some sort of dream about the big city and its many worlds. And that dream, Mikado was sure, had nothing to do with cruel men and their devices.<br>Mikado could fight back now.


	30. Chapter 30

Kida fished out the key and held it in his hand for a while before letting himself in. His very own key that lead into Izaya's apartment. He had not expected to ever be living here and he still felt in a daze of joy. It offset the recurring nightmares that startled him awake, heartbeat racing erratically through his whole body, afterimages of falling imposed in the first moments of consciousness.  
>Kida knew that the apartment was empty. He could tell immediately from the silence that made the large rooms seem larger. As it was becoming his habit, he stripped to his underwear and slid into the fluffy fur trimmed jacket. But not before he emptied his pockets of a thick roll of bills that he straightened as he counted, placing each pressed thin piece of money unto a stack as he counted. A generous sum by any estimation.<br>Selling those tiny blue pills had been considerably easier than Kida thought it would. What their exact contents Kida did not know but could well imagine. They were illegal, that much he knew and he had no desire of finding out their effects personally. Some sort of Ecstasy derivate, most likely. Kida faked a first hand knowledge of the product in a brilliant way. After all, faking was another Kida Masaomi forte.  
>He puzzled a bit at this nonchalance of his then remembered the past. Kida washed his hands for a long time, letting the soap sink in until there were bubbles everywhere. It was a useless gesture. Izaya's mission had been clear, accrue as much profit as possible and do not get caught, and having accomplished it Kida felt almost happy. Even as he pushed venom unto the streets.<br>Izaya had assigned him a room into which he now stepped. Just outside a sign indentified it as the living quarters of 'Orihara Masaomi', Izaya's way of reminding him that he had indeed enrolled him in the Orihara family registry. Kida could not quite tell how much of it was a joke and the surname could not possibly apply to him but at its most basic it signified belonging. And that Kida did like.  
>This room was not half as cluttered as his former one. Izaya had told him to get rid of his dear manga collection along with his games and DVDs and Kida had stared with unblinking eyes at the bonfire that consumed all of the volumes of Gintama published up to this date along with other favorites that quickened to become ash. Kida himself had done the burning, such was Izaya's way of making him an active agent in this skewed partnership.<br>Kida was amused at the fact that while his CDs had been tossed out as well (except for his birthday gift, Izaya allowed him to keep that one) it turned out not to even matter since Izaya's taste in music coincided with his, against all odds, and he could listen to Izaya's extensive music library at will. There was a lot more in it, though, and when Izaya was late in returning Kida often turned to long classical pieces that lulled him to sleep only to explode at unpredictable intervals with booming moments that were epic in scale and volume.  
>Kida loved these pieces of music as well as acidic jazzy beats that seemed to drum directly on one's blood. He now turned to a board where a newspaper clip told in a few lines the tragic death of Harima Mika. Kida needed no reminder but the brevity of the black and white article told him that in Tokyo death was dealt without much ado and soon buried under rumors that unhinged it of truth. If it did not touch you directly then it was the stuff of urban legend. He had sent an SMS to Anri, offering condolences that were not a lie. She answered with her typical politeness, thanking him and discreetly probing as to his whereabouts, telling him that Mikado was worried almost as an afterthought before the standard and formal goodbye. Kida did not reply to it. He could almost see Mikado hovering about her.<br>And Mikado was not someone he wanted to even consider.


	31. Chapter 31

Kida returned to the living room. At first he had been a bit nervous of the wide window that overlooked the city and opened up the apartment to any attack, but he had learnt early on that it was bullet proof and not even see-through from the outside. Covering all bases.  
>Kida resumed what he had been doing for the last couple of days: dismantling, cleaning and reassembling weapons. There were no bullets but he was already becoming familiar with the weight of metal and the minute parts that constituted these instruments of death. This too was a task given by Izaya and Kida was eager to obey. This turn around he found pieces of a semi-automatic scattered over the table and immediately set to attaching them together, using as a guide a manual that he found next to them.<br>It cleared his mind of everything else. But that was not all. This was not just an odd choice of relaxation chosen by Izaya's unpredictable genius. Kida was very aware that Izaya was cashing in on his past. He studied the barrel and felt the trigger. His hands moved almost mechanically as he polished. Dull metal sent off a warped reflection of his face. Kida finished and headed to the main bathroom.  
>He stood before the full-length mirror. There were a few of these scattered a bit all over the apartment and he smiled at this, only a narcissist like Izaya would have these many. Kida peered into the cold glass. People reacted differently to him, he caught hints of envy and a sense of respect that came from his being 'Izaya's pet' as word on the street went. His silver ring invoked command and was immediately recognizable.<br>Kida stared, trying to understand who this person on the other side of the mirror was. The black hair did make him seem older and edgier but it was in his eyes that the true difference was made visible. Harder and serious. Even as he practiced a typical Kida-kun smile, it still vibrated against a certain sharpness. Perhaps this was Orihara Masaomi.  
>The sound of a key turning on the lock snapped him from these reveries and hurried back to the living room, standing next to the massive table. His heartbeat picked up speed even before Izaya walked in with a casual,<br>"Hello, Masaomi. How was your day?"  
>"It was good. I did as you told me."<br>Izaya glanced at the money and picked it.  
>"My, did you sell everything?"<br>"Yes."  
>"You can keep it, then."<br>Kida started.  
>"That's your money."<br>"You were the one who made it. So it's yours."  
>Izaya slid the bills in his direction. Kida hesitated. Somehow, selling drugs for Izaya was something he was willing to do but keeping the profit to himself gave him a rather uneasy feeling. Izaya sat on a chair and looked at him over folded hands.<br>"But…"  
>"What will you spend it on? Buy whatever you want. You can even get back your manga collection, it may be difficult to find some of the older volumes but if you're willing to pay and do the research you may get lucky."<br>"I don't want that."  
>Izaya got up and touched the furry trim on Kida's hood.<br>"You think that this is dirty money and you want nothing to do with it?"  
>"It's not like that exactly."<br>Izaya let the silence span for a few more moments.  
>"Masaomi, do you think that I would choose just anyone to live with me and take care of these things? No matter how much you love me, if you had no experience in this kind of activity, I would not have picked you."<br>Kida nodded. He knew that if Izaya were to become a dealer, he would not resort to petty sales. Kida was being tested.  
>"I understand that."<br>"No matter how much you try to hide from your past, it will find you out. And this way it has a point. Instead of regretting it over and over again you can use it."  
>Kida was still not over Mikado's affront but he could take this in when Izaya was the one telling him. Izaya knew all and as god he had rights that humans could not even hope to obtain. Kida hesitated just slightly. Ultimately he had to accept his sins in all their weight. He took the bills and folded them.<br>"I'll take you out for dinner."  
>Izaya lifted an eyebrow.<br>"Is this a date?"  
>"Yes, yes it is. Because I'm your lover."<br>"Says 'Izaya's pet'."  
>Kida could feel a particularly wicked smile pressed against his lips in the kiss that followed.<p> 


	32. Chapter 32

Mikado put down his binnacles. He stood on the building across Izaya's apartment and found that he could see nothing through the glass even though he knew that he was home. Mikado had listened to his recording of Izaya's confession of guilt many a time until he knew every word by heart. And found it lacking in more than one way. As obvious as it was that Izaya had framed Mikado, there were parts of it that he was sure Kida would get angry at. Namely, the whole pity issue that Izaya had pushed.  
>Mikado considered doing some selective editing but he was exceedingly afraid that Kida would either find out or that Izaya would point it out to him. If there was one thing Mikado would not do, it would be to ever underestimate Orihara Izaya. So he now waited. This building was abandoned and so he had it all to himself. Shadows lengthened out. Eventually, Izaya left. With Kida on his heels.<br>That destroyed Mikado's first plan of talking to Kida alone. But it opened another avenue. Mikado put on plastic gloves and glided across the street. He had an idea of the apartment's layout, having looked up the adjoining ones, and had perfected the art of picking a lock. Mikado hit a button on a device that killed all surveillance systems around a fifty meters' radius. Something he could never have afforded but he had managed to borrow it courtesy of some kind soul at Dollars.  
>He stole into the apartment and made his way to the living room. Mikado needed to find something he could pin on Izaya but he found himself wandering to the master bedroom. Black satin sheets, disheveled. Kida has slept here, Mikado knew. With Izaya. Mikado pushed these forlorn considerations aside. They returned as soon as he walked past a door and read the sign.<br>"'Orihara Masaomi'?"  
>Mikado had already checked the legality of the adoption and found nothing lacking, to his despair. Pleading with Kida's parents was so ineffective that he gave up before his phone bill became too absurd for him to possibly afford. Somehow, Izaya had charmed them into thinking that he was an outstanding citizen. Mikado entered the room that he knew to be Kida's, Kida Masaomi's and <em>not<em> Orihara Masaomi. Mostly empty shelves. It looked impersonal. Somehow this was a relief.  
>No pictures but Mikado did not miss the newspaper clip. The name rang a bell. He remembered, Anri's friend. He felt a chill run down his spine. A far too tidy room for an unruly teenager. Mikado spotted the jacket placed on bed in lieu of a blanket. This was rather fruitless, he needed to check out the laptops.<br>Mikado sat in front of one and plugged in a copying device that he had also borrowed from his network. He would work on dismantling the security later at his own leisure. He checked the progress, a few bars shining bluely. And then noticed a gun. He turned his back to it, returned to Izaya's bedroom and proceeded to search through every drawer. Apart from lubricant and condoms he only came across ropes, the use of which Mikado did not want to contemplate. When he was about to give up he noticed a photograph of two girls. They stood side by side, glasses and a very Izaya expression on one and a quiet reserve on the other. Izaya's sisters, surely.  
>Mikado smiled faintly. If Izaya cared to have pictures of his siblings around then they must be important to him. And that meant that Mikado might use this to his advantage. The moral slippery slope did not even occur to him. There was also an audio and video room, a veritable movie theatre, a collection of spare computer pieces, a huge kitchen, a few more bedrooms and bathrooms. Mikado ruffled through the medicine cabinet and as he expected there were a few pills of dubious nature. All of them courtesy of Yagiri pharmaceutics. That could be relevant. Mikado took some solace in believing that Kida had been drugged into becoming Izaya's accomplice. Not lover. He would never accept that.<br>Mikado checked the progress again and within a few seconds it was done. That was when the street door opened, a triangle of light spewing into a lengthening rectangle as the hinges turned. Mikado somehow managed not to freeze. Instead he retrieved his device and ducked under the desk. If Izaya were to find him then all was lost. He prayed to whatever gods there were.


	33. Chapter 33

Kida picked an expensive sushi restaurant and ordered top notch ootoro. Izaya appreciated the private room with bamboo canes and leaves penciled on the walls.  
>"I always wanted to try out this place. Why no Russia Sushi, though?"<br>"There are too many troublesome clients there."  
>"Namely?"<br>Kida did not want to go into his research on their date but he was dining with Orihara Izaya after all.  
>"Kadota Kyohei, aka 'Dotachin'. His connections are shady and he does know you from your high school days. Along with Kishitani Shinra, medical doctor without a license, links to the underworld. Also, Heiwajima Shizuo."<br>"Hmm…and what is so bad about Shizu-chan?"  
>Izaya toyed with an assortment of nigiris.<br>"He's your enemy and that makes him my enemy."  
>"Ryugamine Mikado is my enemy and that makes him your…?"<br>Easily diverting the question, shifting the core of it.  
>"If he goes against you then-"<br>"'If'?"  
>Izaya swallowed a juicy piece of tuna without quite breaking his smile.<br>"As long as he stands against you, he's my enemy as well as yours."  
>"But surely, the costumers at Simon's place aren't much of a threat when they are eating."<br>Kida conceded to the point.  
>"I don't want anyone to bother us."<br>Izaya bit into a piece of wasabi.  
>"I'm regretting that I didn't bring my ropes along."<br>Kida barely ate. Izaya's allusions made him very eager to be touched and even more so as Izaya took his time sucking on bits of fresh fish. Kida would not mind it if Izaya were to tie him down right here and simply have his way with him. Instead Izaya grew silent as he finished his meal and then moved on to sample Kida's mostly untouched plate, picking up the food with his fingers.  
>They returned to the apartment sooner than Kida expected. Izaya sat on his favorite swivel chair (Kida found it amusing how god could have such preferences but indeed it was so) and kissed him with that passion that never failed to sweep Kida away.<br>"There's something I want to know. Why did you ask for Harima Mika's name?"  
>"I think that I owed it to her. And I'm not sure I'd be able to risk my life for a complete stranger. It's different if you know the name."<br>Izaya ran his fingers through soft hair. Professional negotiators always asked for a name in their dealings, it struck a note of personal resonance. Kida was a natural at it and unaware of it. Which was ever so convenient. Kida was something of an open script to him, one with a great deal of footnotes without which understanding him was impossible. Underpinnings of the past.  
>"Masaomi? Why don't you show me your devotion?"<br>From under the desk Mikado was trying to process this dialogue without betraying his presence. He could only see the wheels of the chair and legs from where he was hiding. A zipper coming done, a belt buckle hitting the floor. Mikado had to place both hands over his mouth to keep himself from screaming. He wanted to close his eyes so that he would not see Kida flushing deeply as he knelt and began servicing Izaya with very red lips and a tongue darting at intervals. The sound of slurping reached Mikado, it was mingled with a breathless moan that he could not even recognize as Kida's.  
>"It seems like you like doing this."<br>"Because I love you."  
>"Is that so. You're getting better at it."<br>"Thank you."  
>"Feel free to take care of yourself while you're at it."<br>"But…"  
>"The night is still young."<br>With Kida on his knees Mikado could catch the smile of pure joy that was perhaps the most shocking thing about this. Mikado held his breath. If Kida looked to the side, he could not miss him. But Kida was obviously too engaged in what he was doing to pay anything else any attention whatsoever. And still Mikado could not close his eyes. He was thoroughly horrified. And jealous. The combination of these two emotions gave way to anger and he almost interrupted this terrible ordeal that was only so to Mikado.  
>"Try not to spill any of it. You know how I hate a mess."<br>Kida shoved a trembling hand into a pocket and produced a tissue, the other hand never ceasing to move in a blur until he was releasing, his body shaking. And then Kida was swallowing. Greedily drinking to the very last drop. Mikado almost forgot his fear in the horror of it all.


	34. Chapter 34

"Tsk, I guess you still can't last much. Let's see how you handle those ropes I got just for you."  
>Mikado waited until he was sure they had left and gone to the bedroom to take the next breath. That was when he remembered the gun. It still sat on the desk right above his head. Izaya was not expecting an attack in the sanctorum of his territory. Mikado had never shot a gun before but he was sure that if he did it point blank he could not possibly miss. Hushed voices reached him faintly. Mikado shook his head, as much as he wanted to kill Izaya, it would have devastating consequences on Kida if he were to do it now.<br>He dashed to the door and almost fell flat on his face. Kida stood right in front of him. It took Mikado three heartbeats to even see the blindfold. All he was aware of were ropes crisscrossing his body, twined over smooth skin that was marred by scabs here and there. Mikado had to call on all he had so that he did not scream.  
>There was no time to dally. Izaya was near, Mikado could almost feel him hovering about, and all that he could do was turn his back on his friend and run out. He was careful not to let the door bang behind him. And then Mikado was running, running, running. Running away into the uncaring night.<p>

"Strip."  
>Kida obeyed. Izaya tested the ropes and apparently found them good enough.<br>"I have a very simple task for you. All you have to do is bring me the gun that is in the living room. Think you can do it?"  
>Kida knew that there was a catch to this.<br>"I think so but you could tie me up so that I couldn't."  
>Izaya smiled broadly.<br>"You are learning, indeed you are. But I won't do that. However, I will put these to good use. Turn around."  
>Before Kida a mirror showed his naked body with its shallow scars scattered a bit all over. Each was a treasured memory. Izaya placed the ropes over his shoulders, binding them in skillful knots across the chest and firmly encasing him in a pattern of threads that allowed him to move easily enough if not for the added pressure that Kida could feel in certain regions. Especially a knot placed at his lower back that did not restrain him but made him all too aware of his nakedness.<br>"I know a thing or two about bondage. This is all very light, of course. After all, I am a considering individual."  
>Izaya adjusted a blindfold unto Kida's eyes, fastening tightly. And then he proceeded to spin him around until the darkness was sliding aimlessly and keeping his footing was difficult.<br>"Think of it as a test, Masaomi. I expect you to have memorized the layout of the apartment by now so you shouldn't let something as minor as being deprived of sight hinder you. Oh, one more thing. I'll be holding one of the ends of this rope so you'll have to navigate it without knocking anything down and I advice you not to come."  
>Kida was already on mission mode. He identified the point from where Izaya's voice emanated from the bed which meant that the exit was just behind him. Kida turned around and bit a moan.<br>Exquisite weight pressed in just the right spots. He paused at the threshold to catch his breath. For the briefest of moments he was sure that there was someone standing right in front of him, some intruder, but the deep dark was full of false alarms. Kida knew where the living room was but he only had an idea of where the desk was located. He put his arms forward to avoid collisions and regretted almost immediately as the ropes grew taunt and sent a wave of warm directly into his groin.  
>It caused him to falter and he nearly tripped. From behind him Izaya tugged at the rope very gently.<br>"Having troubles? Think positive now. I'm sure you can do it."  
>Kida had his serious doubts. He settled for taking small steps, not so much because he was afraid of hitting anything but because the knots seemed lodged at his very nerve endings each time he moved. Kida nearly bumped into a low table but managed to go around it. Even though he was not in public, he had a feeling of complete exposure in being naked and aroused like this in swirling shadow that surrounded him on all sides.<p> 


	35. Chapter 35

It took a lot of groping to find the gun even once he bumped into the desk. Kida picked it up and realized that he did not know where the bedroom was. He waited for a while in the hope that Izaya would speak up again and thus reveal his whereabouts but as he expected it was fruitless. Kida vaguely wondered if Izaya played these weird games with everyone that fell into his web or in his case leapt into it. He walked slowly and veered to the right to locate a wall. Once he found it he relaxed. It did not last because even as he exhaled and his muscles grew less tense the ropes clutched and redoubled their teasing as soon as he inhaled again.  
>Kida moaned softly under his breath and somehow had enough presence of spirit to wipe away the trickle of pre-cum from his erection. Dripping on the floor would make Izaya cross. Kida regretted this carefulness of his almost immediately, the touch of his fingers, as minor as it was, was like liquid electricity rushing through his veins. He wished that he had asked what the penalty for failing was.<br>Kida considering speaking in order to get Izaya to reply and that was how he lost his concentration and tripped on the rope that had coiled in front of him. He fell, which was bad, and the gun went sprawling in some direction, which Kida considered much worse. There was something absurdly frightening in falling in the dark like this and landing on his hands and knees. The ropes dug into him, not so much cutting as sinking into his skin and straight into the rush of blood beneath.  
>He decided to crawl lest he fell again. Kida had to focus to remember that the gun had clattered left-wise and so he crawled in that general direction, hands feeling the floor ahead. In the darkness of silence his pants were very loud as was the sound of ropes stretching. Kida realized that it was likely that Izaya had made him trip. Instead of resenting it he was excited by the thought.<br>It occurred to him that this whole play was a perfect representation of the power balance, or lack thereof, between the two of them. Ensnared in Izaya's world of his own volition and utterly unable to resist or fight back. Kida had to stop to catch his breath. Thinking about Izaya only added fuel to the fire. By now he had realized that he was caught in a vicious cycle, the heavier he breathed the more the ropes worked their excruciating magic into his flesh and the more he tried to control his breath the more he panted.  
>Kida needed to be touched but he was terribly afraid that even without that he could still topple over. For a whole minute he forgot that he was supposed to carry the gun back to Izaya. And then Izaya was whispering to him, tongue wetting his ear and then nipping at the earlobe.<br>"Having some troubles, Masaomi?"  
>"Dropped the gun- sorry."<br>"Good thing that wasn't loaded, then. How do you like my rope work?"  
>Kida struggled for words. The mere sound of Izaya's voice made him feel about to burst.<br>"You're good with ropes."  
>"It seems so. And I decided to be nice and found the gun for you."<br>And indeed, Kida could feel cold hard metal being slid into him. Not at all forcibly, Izaya was not that predictable, instead he was insufferably slow about it.  
>"Izaya-"<br>Kida tensed in anticipation to being more filled and each and single knot dug in into his sensitive spots. The silencer was not halfway in but it did not even matter.  
>"Yes? Do you have something to say?"<br>"Can't- can't hold back-"  
>Izaya removed the blindfold just in time so that Kida could see himself releasing unto a full length mirror that he splashed with a jittery whitish mess that covered his reflection. Kida barely even had time register any of this as Izaya's length replaced the gun. Kida moaned loudly and pushed back even as the ropes became tighter around him.<br>"Izaya- sorry- faster, please-"  
>"Now, now, that's not very romantic now is it? Whatever happened to love-making?"<br>From the mirror Kida could tell that Izaya held a hand camera and through the splatter on the glass he could see himself writhe in pleasure and toss his head back.


	36. Chapter 36

"You're more into fucking- _oh_…"  
>Izaya chuckled and picked up his pace just a bit.<br>"Tsk, that is so heartless of you. Why do you wear my ring on your ring finger, then? If you don't want me to make love to you."  
>The mockery was obvious. Izaya pulled at the ropes and Kida jolted forward as he came again. In his ecstasy he was only vaguely aware that there was blood streaming down his frayed skin. Kida could not properly reply to the kiss with which Izaya devoured him.<br>"Speaking of which, Masaomi. I got you a brand new ring."  
>Kida was not even all that surprised when a piece of cold metal was slipped over his still half erect member hardening it completely. He clawed at the floor and one of his nails broke which Kida completely failed to even notice.<br>"You know that you failed your mission and it was so simple. It makes me wonder how you'll do as my agent on the streets."  
>It did not occur to Kida that he was only working for Izaya because Izaya himself had deemed him suitable for the job. Through a haze of shredded pleasure he was only sure that Izaya was still inside him and that he was not completely sure he could survive this. So this was the penalty. Izaya held him firmly in his place and Kida fought for air. Something had finally occurred to him and he had to speak up now.<br>"It's okay- because- you're the most dangerous- man alive. I'll do fine- if you won't kill me- then no one else will."  
>Izaya removed the painful ring and immediately Kida was squirming in the grips of orgasm, semen raining on him as Izaya withdrew and made sure to cover him with his release. Kida lied on the slimy floor, heavy lidded and breathless. He could not tell anything from the darkness in Izaya's eyes.<br>"Clean up."  
>Bloodied rope came undone as Izaya gave it a special tug that dissolved the knots easily. Kida could not quite get up just yet.<br>"I'm sorry for the mess."  
>Izaya smiled.<br>"Oh, don't worry about it, Masaomi. You'll be cleaning up. All of it, in fact. I'm sure you know what I mean but I won't play charades with you. Dispose of those Yellow Scarves that have been buzzing around. And now-"  
>"What do you-"<br>"-you'll ask, 'what do you mean by disposing'? I mean what I say. Kill them, ship them off to the North Pole, hack off their limbs, I leave the exact means for you to decide upon. Is that understood?"  
>Kida was silent for a moment. There was no lightness to his afterglow.<br>"I got it. Is that my penalty?"  
>"Now, now, don't be silly. That will be your thirty days without sex that will begin as of tomorrow. Not too great a punishment, now is it? I am a fair person."<br>As far as cruel justice went. Kida did not know how he managed but he smiled back.  
>"I'll get a calendar."<br>"You do that. Ma-sa-o-mi."  
>God presided the world and commanded him to atone. Half collapsed on the floor as he was Kida could see that Orihara Izaya stood not only above humanity as its sole point was to abide by his will.<p>

Mikado ran with his head down so that he was sure he had somehow bumped into a wall when an obstacle sent him flying backwards into the pavement.  
>"Hey, kid. You a friend of that blonde boy?"<br>A large shadow towered above him, interrupted only by the flicker of a cigarette that burnt red in the night. Mikado realized that he had collided with a man who now steadily watched from behind blue lenses. Without offering any help as Mikado got back on his feet with some difficulty.  
>"Do you know Kida-kun?"<br>"Oh yeah, that was his name. Come, it's not safe just standing here."  
>And without further explanations a broad back was turned to him and he walked away, stepping under a lamplight that revealed bleached hair and a bartender's vest.<br>"Heiwajima Shizuo!"  
>The man did not bother to reply to him and Mikado had to pick up his step in order to follow him. Shizuo led him to the backroom of a pachinko parlor. Mikado stood uncomfortably in the dimness. Rowdy sounds reached him from the front of the store and the scent of alcohol filled the air. Shizuo took a swig of whiskey straight from the bottle's neck and ignored Mikado.<p> 


	37. Chapter 37

"Heiwajima Shizuo-san, how do you know Kida-kun?"  
>A cigarette cast a glint of fire. Shizuo turned on the lights but Mikado did not notice much of a difference, the light bulb seemed screened in darkness.<br>"Aren't you supposed to introduce yourself first? No matter. I saw him the other day at Izaya's place."  
>Mikado's mind was spinning in all sorts of directions and trying to focus on possible courses of action at the same time. It was difficult and he felt a bit unsteady.<br>"You don't know me but I'm Ryugamine Mikado. I understand that you are Orihara Izaya-san's enemy?"  
>Shizuo smoked at his leisure.<br>"You could say that. 'Kida-kun', I knew he looked familiar. Color gang member, yellow scarves or something."  
>Mikado winced. He was sure that Shizuo was not one to keep track of the many mushroom gangs but even he knew about this. Mikado forced himself to push such concerns aside. He had something to negotiate here.<br>"I believe that you have reasons for wanting to bring Orihara-san down. As do I. It would serve our mutual interests to join forces."  
>Shizuo drank some more. Mikado found it difficult to keep his annoyance from showing. He had far too much riding on this and he could not at all afford to have his one glimmer of hope to be clouded by drink.<br>"Heiwajima-san-"  
>"It's not every night some kid runs out of Izaya's place. I take it you're friends with Yellow Scarf?"<br>"Don't call him that. Kida-kun is my best friend."  
>Shizuo shrugged and puffed some smoke that caused Mikado to cough.<br>"Doesn't matter squat."  
>Mikado made an effort to remain calm. Shizuo's tendency to flare up in anger was notorious but ironically enough it was Mikado who struggled not to explode. He produced his data copier device.<br>"I have information on him. Plenty of it."  
>Shizuo lifted an eyebrow.<br>"So what?"  
>Mikado remembered that Shizuo was not particularly known for his intelligence.<br>"I copied this from his laptop. I'm sure there's something here that we can use against Orihara Izaya."  
>Shizuo finished smoking his cigarette.<br>"Seems like you got the wrong idea here. I'm not your pal."  
>"I understand. But you can-"<br>"Do you know how many times I've knocked the daylights out of him? I lost count by now. I've had plenty of chances of killing Izaya."  
>Mikado slammed his hands on the tiny table.<br>"Then why haven't you? Don't you hate him? They say he even framed you- don't you _hate_ him?"  
>Shizuo thoughtfully puffed some more. The harsh scent of tobacco was highly disagreeable to Mikado.<br>"I hate him alright."  
>"Then <em>why<em>?"  
>The cigarette was snuffed against an ashtray and died a sooty death.<br>"I don't have to tell some punk who's running around acting like an idiot. Get a grip, kid. Things aren't as simple as you think."  
>Mikado's hands turned into fists.<br>"I don't understand. You have every thing to win by getting rid of him."  
>Shizuo poured him a glass of whiskey.<br>"Here, drink up. Looks like you need it."  
>"I don't want it. I'm a minor too."<br>"Let me ask you something, kid. Do you normally sneak and steal stuff from people's computers like that?"  
>"Of course not."<br>Shizuo lit another cigarette. Mikado was becoming more aggravated.  
>"There you go. Izaya got you to do that. Think it was your idea to go snoop on him? Get real. He's pulling the strings on you whether you like it or not. Why don't I kill him? I doubt you'll get it but I don't want to stoop to his level. I hate Izaya too much to give him that satisfaction."<br>"What am I supposed to do?"  
>"Have a drink. Won't kill you."<br>Mikado hesitated. At length he took a sip and spent the following five minutes spluttering.  
>"That is <em>awful<em>."  
>"Could be worse."<br>Mikado sank on a chair. All the pent up tension from having no one to talk to about this awful situation caught up with him. Mikado closed his eyes and sobbed.  
>"Why can't Kida see that this is just bad for him. I'm his real friend, I don't care if he was a gang leader, he's still my best friend."<br>"Thing with Izaya is, he looks past appearance and straight at the filth. Shit you've done when no one was watching, Izaya knows about it. Don't count on me to help you but I sympathize, I guess."  
>Mikado narrowed his eyes.<br>"I don't _need_ sympathy!"  
>"Not too sure about that."<p> 


	38. Chapter 38

"Fine. I'll bring him down on my own if I have to."  
>"He's got plenty of enemies as it is."<br>Mikado got up and made as if to leave but something made him halt.  
>"How do I defeat him?"<br>"You don't. You can't."  
>"He must have some weakness. What about his sisters?"<br>"Don't go there, kid."  
>Mikado took a step in his direction.<br>"I have to fight fire with fire!"  
>Shizuo seemed to really look at him for the first time.<br>"You do that and Izaya wins. That's what he does, he brings out the worst in people. There's no bloody way I'll become a bastard like he wants."  
>Mikado took a deep breath. Alcohol still stung in his mouth.<br>"Aren't you afraid he'll kill you?"  
>Shizuo took his time sucking in the smoke and spewing it out into the air.<br>"Izaya won't do that."  
>"How do you know?"<br>"Because I'm 'Shizu-chan'."  
>Mikado sensed something to this.<br>"What do you mean by that?"  
>"Only Izaya knows for sure but I got an idea. Things aren't as simple as you think."<br>"Perhaps not but I can't just sit and watch my friend ruin his life completely. I can't, I won't, I _can't_."  
>"That's why I sympathize with you. But you're going on as if this Kida-kun was some little lamb or some shit. He led one of the most violent gangs in 'bukuro, hell, in the whole country."<br>"He's still my friend. I've told you this before, don't you have any short-term memory?"  
>Mikado was aware that he was venting out deep seated frustrations that did not concern Shizuo at all and that this was not a man one should exasperate but he was too angry. Shizuo puffed impassively enough, cigarette tucked between two fingers so that it dangled, a growing bit of ash haloed in fire.<br>"I know that this city can be bad for you. Everyone's done shit they wished they hadn't. You can't pick and choose, ya gotta take the bad as well as the good. Think you can help him shoulder his sins?"  
>Mikado was forced to rethink his idea of Heiwajima Shizuo.<br>"He just needs to turn his back to that."  
>"You can't pretend that shit didn't happen. The past creeps in on you. Why do you think I'm stuck doing shitty jobs? Cuz I've been fired from all the decent ones. In the adult world you don't just get recession if you fuck up."<br>Mikado considered this and sat down again.  
>"Can you give me anything to use against Izaya? Anything at all?"<br>"I can tell you not to bother with the shit on his computer. Half of it is just made up. The other half needs decoding or encoding or some shit."  
>"How do you know this?"<br>Shizuo smirked.  
>"Izaya told me. And I believe him. Orihara Izaya never lied to me and he never will."<br>Mikado nodded.  
>"Anything else?"<br>"Pay attention to what Izaya says. He's into games. At times he tells his pawns how to escape from the board. By then it's usually too late."  
>"You mean he might kill me?"<br>Already Mikado was thinking about how vulnerable he was in his shoddy paper-thin walled apartment. Shizuo downed another glass.  
>"Nah, too easy. No fun. He won't kill you but you'll end up dead I bet."<br>"He must have hitmen at his beck and call."  
>"Sure. But that ain't it."<br>"What do you mean?"  
>Mikado was not used to this abrasive way of speaking. There was a ring of honesty to it but Mikado resented it at the same time. He did not make a connection between the two.<br>"Izaya would get Kida-kun to kill you. So be prepared for that, kid."  
>Mikado reached for the whiskey glass himself this time around.<p>

Kida crossed the second square on his calendar. Two days into his sex ban and he was already slightly fidgety. At first he could hardly believe how a mere month could have such an impact on him, as every teenage boy he was a riot of ranging hormones but his hand alone had gotten him through many lonely nights. But he was realizing all too clearly that his craving was on a whole different level now. Maybe because he was no longer a virgin, maybe because Izaya just had a way of making himself literally addictive.  
>Whatever the reasons were the fact remained that Kida was struggling to keep his mind clear amidst the turbulence of lust that clouded it. And the timing could not be worse. Kida did not know how he should 'dispose of' what needed to be disposed of.<p> 


	39. Chapter 39

Izaya had left him some leeway and it was up to Kida to exploit it. Yet no formidable plan occurred to him and more often than not, his mind wandered off to how much he needed Izaya to touch him. More than these forty eight and some hours that had elapsed it was the long dry spell of the many more that awaited him that bothered Kida to the point of it becoming ridiculous.  
>Kida left the apartment to take a stroll in the dimming daylight sprawled over wicked streets. He avoided going out during school hours unless it was to run some errand. A chime drifting in the bustling air informed him that classes were over for the day. There were still times when he heard these sounds that had patterned most of his life and find himself wondering what to eat at the cafeteria or what class was next. Izaya expected him to eventually take the high school exams and ironically enough Kida studied much more now than he had ever done.<br>Kida caught sight of a trio, shortly liberated from the classroom. About his age, a bubbly boy walking a few steps ahead, followed by another boy and a girl. Kida smiled faintly as he watched them. He did not even have to listen to their conversation to know that it was just silly chatter that meant so much more than they could possibly know at this precise moment in time. They existed still in a continuum, protected from lies by more lies.  
>More than once Kida had almost told Mikado. What stopped him had been the fear of disappointing his friend, Kida assumed that there would be tears, blaming and Mikado naturally assuming the judgmental role in opposition. Now that he contemplated events from the sober viewpoint gained by distancing himself from them, he realized that there was no reason for being angry at Mikado. None that Kida could sustain without incurring in hypocrisy.<br>Which did not at all mean that Kida's anger had lessened. Such reflections left him as he lost track of the trio in the crowds that swept the city at regular intervals that obeyed the traffic lights, the rhythm of life in this artificial world of neon and concrete. He spotted yellow scarves. Quite a few of them. Spilling from the Ikebukuro haunts and unto Shibuya like human overgrowth.  
>Kida sneaked into a narrow alley and stalked his way to a pair of these that stood oblivious in front of some store. Kida watched. He did not need Izaya to tell him how to take it to the backstreets that were something of a subterraneous lifeline of the city, he did not need Izaya to tell him how to keep his blade sharp and his ears sharper, he did not need Izaya to tell him how to now creep on the unsuspecting pair that had stolen his color and wait for a careless word to provide a hint as to how to better plot their doom.<br>After so many fruitless attempts at figuring out issues Kida reached a realization. All these skills that he had picked up on his own were necessary qualifications. Not to become Izaya's right hand man but his very own attendant spirit. Or an angel to a god. Kida still did not know what he would do regarding the vicious bunch that was his duty to curb but whatever happened, he would not turn his back to his past.  
>Because in the end he was on a mission to make amends. Behind a trash bin and keeping low to the ground Kida contemplated murder without batting an eyelash. And he knew that his god would approve.<p>

Mikado was keeping track of all the rumors that he could find about Orihara Izaya and of Kida's past involvement with gangs. Never the best field agent Mikado now burnt most of his free time in front of his laptop and well into the cold beginnings of dawn. There were many threads to follow, far too many, and they invariably trailed off into rumor. As a result Mikado was more or less always tired.  
>His bell ring had never worked as far as he knew and the knock at his door nearly startled him. Mikado was on his feet, unsure of whether to answer it or not, when the door turned on his hinges and none other than Izaya strode into the small apartment.<p> 


	40. Chapter 40

"Good afternoon, Ryugamine-san."  
>"What are you doing here?"<br>Izaya looked around his surroundings as if assessing them clinically.  
>"Hmm…since you took such liberties in entering my property I thought I'd pay you a courtesy visit."<br>Mikado could not even put up a pretense of ignorance.  
>"How did you know?"<br>"I have my ways. But really, you left just when it was becoming interesting. Masaomi put up quite a performance. Shame you missed it. Fortunately for you I recorded it."  
>Izaya tossed him a hand camera.<br>"What do you want?"  
>"My, this sure is a drab little place. I don't suppose you know but I just happen to own this building. Its location ups the value considerably but you see, some refurbishing is in order."<br>It gave a new meaning to this being Izaya's city. Literally so.  
>"Refurbishing?"<br>"Yes. I'm thinking a complete makeover. Curtains, paint on the walls, decent illumination. Topnotch luxury."  
>Izaya walked around as one envisioning such projects in the shabby room.<br>"It's fine as it is."  
>"You should be happy, it'll become so much nicer. Of course, the rent will increase considerably. Perhaps it'll be over budget for you?"<br>Tossing the question almost as an afterthought.  
>"Are you evicting me?"<br>Izaya lifted his hands in one of those peculiar gestures of his that displayed his flippancy toward the world at large.  
>"Not at all, Ryugamine-san. If you can afford it then I'll gladly renew your contract. If, however, you cannot then the law assists me in keeping you from making me lose money. Such a harsh city Tokyo is. I'll send you the papers shortly. You have a month to decide what you want to do."<br>Izaya's smile was amicable.  
>"What're you doing to Kida?"<br>"Let me see, some bondage training-"  
>"I don't want to know about any of <em>that<em>."  
>Izaya shrugged.<br>"Oh well, you did ask. And I got the idea from you and all."  
>"From me? What are you talking about?"<br>"Do think about it, didn't you tell me that Masaomi was my sex slave? I figured I might as well try that. Thanks for the tip."  
>"You're a horrible…whatever you are. 'Person' might not even cut it."<br>Izaya chuckled.  
>"Heh, that was funny. But really, it was your idea. We can always prove it by going over the recordings that I'm sure you still have with you."<br>"How do you know-"  
>"I didn't. But I do now, don't I?"<br>Mikado wished he had indeed killed Izaya that night.  
>"If you hurt Kida I swear you'll pay."<br>"Speaking of which, Masaomi is going through a very important time in his life. As his self-proclaimed friend I do hope that you will support him. After all, he has always cheered you on."  
>Mikado could tell that a trap was being prepared for him. He needed to anticipate it.<br>"Kida and I have been friends since we were four. You wouldn't understand it because I doubt you have any friends, not any real ones at least."  
>"True. And yes, you have been with Masaomi for the longest of times and you have many shared memories. I am not one to ignore the power of those. Like that time in what was it, elementary school? Some sleepover or other, you couldn't quite fall asleep for various reasons so you stayed awake and stared at Masaomi as he slept, thinking how you <em>really<em> wanted to know how his lips would taste, knowing that you _really_ shouldn't be thinking such things at all, but all along _really_ wanting to kiss him and it's not as if anyone would know, it's not as if anyone would get hurt, and what Kida-kun doesn't know _really_ can't at all hurt him so maybe, just maybe, if you closed your eyes yourself you could later deny it when morning came and you had to-"  
>"Shut up! How can you possibly know-"<br>Mikado bit his tongue a fraction of a second too late. Izaya smiled quietly.  
>"Ah. I see. Maybe I know all things? Maybe I am not at all human as you said and instead I am some sort of superior being, something that your species deems divine? Or maybe I made an educated guess that just happened to be correct. What do you think?"<br>Mikado had to will himself into not hitting the still smiling demonic figure. He felt cheated. Manipulated into disclosing a deep secret. Vaguely he remembered Shizuo's warnings.


	41. Chapter 41

Before Mikado could come up with a reply a ringtone went off and Izaya gingerly produced a state of the art phone. Different from the one he had seen before, Mikado somehow noticed.  
>"Do excuse me, Ryugamine-san. I must take this. Hello, Mairu! Oh? He is, isn't he? I told you that Masaomi was adorable. But don't tease him too much. Heh, I bet. Sure. Give my love to Kururi. Ah, not in <em>that<em> sense. Tell Masaomi that we'll be dining out tonight. Yes, all of us. After all, we're a family now. Bye now."  
>Mikado paid close attention to what to him was a one sided dialogue.<br>"Where were we. Ah yes. Don't worry, I won't tell Masaomi about your, how should I put it, 'longing' for him. It's not my role to interfere in what is between the two of you."  
>"Liar."<br>Izaya chuckled.  
>"Well, I don't know if you stole his first kiss or if you chickened out at the end. Either way, I was the one who took his virginity."<br>Mikado felt his self-control waver.  
>"You're turning this into a competition?"<br>"Hmm…not exactly, no. But there is winning and losing involved. Ryugamine-san, are you familiar with the bible?"  
>"What does that have to do with anything?"<br>"'For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?' If you reach your own answers to that, do let me know. Masaomi already knows."  
>And with this Mikado found himself alone.<p>

Kida registered two female voices immediately.  
>"Eh? So you are the Yellow Scarves I've been hearing so much about?"<br>"They seem to be so."  
>He could not seem them but the first talker was chirpy, with a flicker of wickedness darting through each words, the second one was quiet and impassible.<br>"What you girls want?"  
>"Take me to your leader. I always wanted to say that. But you're just small fry, aren't you?"<br>"They seem to rank rather low."  
>Kida peered over a metal lid. The girls were shadow silhouettes.<br>"Huh? You looking for trouble?"  
>He reached for his blade.<br>"Not at all!"  
>"That is not our intention."<br>Skipping steps, very light on the pavement.  
>"You see, we are fans of your leader."<br>"I would like to meet him."  
>"But you're just minions."<br>"As such you are irrelevant."  
>Kida could hear an angry stirring that always preceded violence. These girls might have a death wish but he was not about to remain in shadow as his color was wielded against them. He stepped out of the alley, standing between the two groups.<br>"Put those bats down and walk away."  
>"Kida! You're back, that's really you?"<br>"The hair's different but it's got to be Kida."  
>Kida did not budge. His disgust could not show.<br>"I've given you your orders, why are you still gawking at me?"  
>This was the only language that they understood. Kida heard clapping but he could not afford to look behind his back and check it. Dealing with gang members was not different from taming rabid dogs: never show fear, never run away, always look in the eye, be ready to shoot them if needed.<br>"But Kida, it's be ages-"  
>"And word has it you're with that Izaya guy-"<br>"That would be 'Orihara-san' to you. I'll explain later but for now you're going to scramble."  
>"'kay. Didn't know they were your chicks."<br>"We'll be waiting for you, Kida."  
>He watched them disappear into the crowd that washed them over as if they were living dirt. Which was precisely what they were. Kida hardly knew what to think when someone jumped on his back, pigtails flitting in the afternoon sun, a giggle close to his ear.<br>"Nice to meet you, Masaomi! I'm Mairu, Orihara Mairu."  
>Kida spun around. Mairu latched on.<br>"I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I am Orihara Kururi."  
>Kida was at a loss for words but he did take the hand that Kururi extended and shook it. She stood apart with her borderline vacant eyes and gym clothes in that odd place as they were did not seem to at all bother her, short shorts or not. Mairu let go and skipped in a sort of twirl that sent the navy blue skirt and pigtails aflutter. Deliberately childish in her outward demeanor. Bright eyes smiled behind glasses and Kida wondered if she only wore them for effect.<p> 


	42. Chapter 42

"Did Izaya send you?"  
>Mairu walked around him as if to watch from all sides.<br>"Yes and no. I've always wanted to meet you and so much more so now."  
>"That was my desire as well."<br>Kida had not at all expected this.  
>"You knew that I was there."<br>"Correct! Thanks for valiantly saving us."  
>"I extend my gratitude to you."<br>Kida had of course heard about the Orihara sisters. Mairu, the most dangerous one with her girlish charm and Kururi, the quiet one that watched everything. He could tell immediately that there was some truth to the rumors but Kida knew not to give them too much credit. After all, word on the street had it that the Yellow Scarf leader was a tall cool man, one of those legends spread from mouth to mouth and disseminated through electricity. Very much like a virus.  
>"Izaya told you about me?"<br>Mairu took one of his arms and led him down the street.  
>"He did. But I have a personal interest in your career. So I'm so glad to finally meet you…Orihara Masaomi-kun."<br>Kida shivered despite himself. Glued to him as Mairu was he was sure that she noticed it. Kida had a million questions but presently Kururi cut them off with her non expressive voice.  
>"According to the family registry as upheld by the civil government of the state of Japan you are part of the Orihara household."<br>"So there you have it. Time to give big brother a call."  
>Mairu's glasses flashed very briefly as she pulled out her phone that she put on loud speak, throwing a wink in his direction.<br>"Onii-chan! We have your kitten with us."  
>"Hello, Mairu!"<br>"He is very, very, very cute."  
>She marked each 'very' with a poke to the chest. It would not hurt if not for the bruises still left from the ropes. Kida had an idea that she knew all about those.<br>"Oh? He is, isn't he? I told you that Masaomi was adorable. But don't tease him too much."  
>Mairu pouted.<br>"But I feel like eating him whole!"  
>"Heh, I bet."<br>"Can we get him some cat ears?"  
>"Sure."<br>"Sister is saying that she misses you."  
>"Give my love to Kururi."<br>"But we're in public. Not that it matters much, no cops around. Give these poor souls something to drool over?"  
>"Ah, not in <em>that<em> sense. Tell Masaomi that we'll be dining out tonight."  
>Kida blinked. He was sure that Izaya knew that he could hear this conversation and he wondered just where he was at the moment.<br>"As in, all of us?"  
>"Yes, all of us. After all, we're a family now. Bye now."<br>"Bye bee! Which means, Kururi…we're going to that place."  
>Kururi nodded.<br>"I understand."  
>"Great. Masaomi, welcome to the family. I'm sure you'll fit in just fine."<br>Kida realized that he was not entirely sure whether that was something to look forward to but he knew that he was right. It was a self professed prophecy, he was sure. He noticed that their eyes were all red, the same color as Izaya's. And the exact same shade as blood.

Mikado had no intention of watching the video. His first impulse had been to simply smash it into smithereens and vent some of his anger that way. But Shizuo's sobering advise stopped him just as he was about to slam the camera into a wall. Izaya's power rested at least partially in his command over knowledge. Without knowing Mikado was disarmed. It was ignorance that had allowed things to spiral to this point, Mikado's ignorance.  
>So as much as he wanted not to watch it Mikado knew that he had no other option. Mikado took a deep breath and activated his device to nullify security systems just in case Izaya had bugged his apartment.<br>"Kida, I know you'll hate me for watching this but I have to try and understand."  
>His conscience was pacified by this confession that he addressed to his absent friend. He pressed PLAY. The tiny screen was suddenly alive with all the high definition one could wish for. Mikado watched with growing concern as Kida, naked, blindfolded and ensnared in ropes, made his way into the living room for reasons unknown. Izaya had filmed this so as that he did not appear which reinforced the sensation that Mikado was actually present.<br>Mikado's eyes widened as Kida's arousal became more and more obvious. Only once had he seen something like this, when he had inadvertently walked in on Kida masturbating in an elementary school bathroom stall.


	43. Chapter 43

Back then Mikado had managed to retreat before he was caught but somehow he found himself in the adjoined stall, peeping through a hole, unable to look away. It had taken months to expunge the memory from dreams and there were moments when his mind ran away with him and replayed the way in which Kida gave himself to pleasure.  
>This spectacle that he was currently watching was much more devastating in more ways than one. Fortunately (or not, as Mikado would very soon realize) the angle from which Izaya had shot this hid him from view so Mikado did not squirm as much as he might have had as the gun came into play.<br>Mikado remained thoroughly horrified but he could not deny that more than ever Kida's lust, so shameless and real, was having its effect on him. It occurred to Mikado that Kida would not have ceased his writhing even if he knew he would be watched. The camera was angled in a way that shifted the perspective so that Mikado felt that he was the one teasing Kida with a cockring and the one causing Kida to tremble in ecstasy. He was not planning it at all but each of Kida's moans made Mikado's body throb from within and before he knew it his pants were around his ankles and his seed was a mess on the floor.  
>Mikado stared blankly and then closed his eyes, finally. Far too late for all practical purposes. He knew that he had just hit a new low. Mikado barely heard the post coital conversation between Kida and the dreadful Orihara Izaya. He buried his face in his hands and wept bitterly. The world was off kilter. And so was he, the realization dawning on him suddenly, if it took this for him to realize that he was in love.<p>

Kida expected Izaya to choose a sushi place for their dinner but he did not expect to be led into a very comfortable but utterly empty room after having his feet washed in rosy water. Bamboo leaves enveloped the white walls with green stylish patterns that became abstract with each twining curve. Low yellow lights suffused the atmosphere into something almost ethereal. And into this chamber Izaya waltzed barefooted, Kida's heart skipping a beat as it always happened upon seeing him after the shortest of absences.  
>Mairu waved at him and sat, casually playing with the hem of her skirt.<br>"I see that everyone is already gathered. Kururi, go get ready. You're it tonight."  
>"Yes, brother. Welcome."<br>Izaya patted her hair as she left via a door that was fully camouflaged by the bamboo illusions. Kida glanced in her direction only briefly and returned to watching Izaya who now sat next to Mairu.  
>"Don't worry, she'll back soon enough. So tell me, what do you make of Mairu? Lest we speak ill of Kururi behind her back."<br>Mairu giggled behind her hands and leant on Kida. She was between Izaya who was casually cross legged and Kida who flailed slightly. Girls did not make him nervous but these were Izaya's sisters and that alone was enough to make him half afraid.  
>"Masaomi-kun, what do you think of me?"<br>Mairu smoothed the pleats of her skirt.  
>"You're most definitely Izaya's sister."<br>"He means that as a compliment."  
>She undid the sailor bow, tossed it aside, then proceeded to unhook her bra which also went over a shoulder. Kida blinked.<br>"I hate when I'm not comfortable, it spoils the whole meal."  
>"So we're eating here?"<br>Mairu smiled and Kida noticed that she had tiny fang-like teeth, pearly and sharp.  
>"Dinner will be here any second."<br>Izaya looked over Kida's head and announced,  
>"I believe it is already here."<br>Kida thought that the Orihara siblings could not surprise him any further but as Kururi walked in wheeling a cart loaded with sushi and wearing only a fluffy robe that she proceeded to remove only to use as a mat on which he lied her fully naked body, bouncy breasts pointing at the ceiling, he knew that they could. Kida's jaw dropped and remained thus as Mairu and Kururi took up chopsticks and began placing generous rolls of fresh fish over her skin.  
>"First time seeing a naked girl in real life, Masaomi?"<br>"Completely nude- yes."  
>Mairu chuckled and added an ootoro nigiri on the bellybutton.<br>"She's got a better rack than I do but we all take turns being table. Onii-chan, why isn't Kida the table today? I still want to gobble him up."


	44. Chapter 44

If this was routine then it might explain how Kururi was able to be so unfazed through it all, Kida thought. Currently he was more concerned about Mairu who playfully bit his ear.  
>"Now, now, no teasing your new brother."<br>Izaya layered a salmon roll on a breast, toying to balance it on a caramel colored nipple and failing. Mairu handed Kida a plate of ootoro bits.  
>"You do it too, Masaomi-kun. Kururi is shy so we keep our Orihara special outings within the family."<br>"That means that no outsiders are allowed."  
>"None whatsoever."<br>The message was very clear. Kida was no stranger to a displaced sense of belonging, he had seen much of that in gangs and experienced it firsthand too. But never in this inclusive all embracing manner. None of this was normal but it was so to the Oriharas. Kida placed his fish covered rice pieces over Kururi's knee and down, choosing a not too intimate area of her body while Mairu had no such qualms and placed pretty pinkish roe around the smooth unshaven triangle of her most private parts.  
>"Mairu is quite a fan of yours."<br>They finished the covering ritual as Izaya added a star shaped assortment of nigiris on her bellybutton. Mairu reached into her pocket and produced a keychain with a teddy bear dangling from it. Something cute. Until you noticed the crossed eyes and the yellow thread tied around its necks, whether as a scarf or as a noose it was difficult to tell for sure.  
>"I got this to remind myself of my favorite gang leader. I was so sad when I heard that you had retired. But then I found out you attended Onii-chan's former school and took it myself to watch you just across the street when you got out."<br>Izaya distributed chopsticks, 'Orihara Masaomi' inscribed in Kida's. Izaya then solemnly split his pair, closed his eyes and assumed a very traditional attitude as he chimed,  
>"<em>Itadakimasu.<em>"  
>Kida found himself saying it with him while Mairu did the same. Only then did Izaya begin to eat from the human table at his discretion. Mairu's elbow brushed against Kida as she joined in the feast and only Kida hesitated.<br>"Masaomi, there's no need to hold back. Kururi will dine later and she is fine with this. Neh?"  
>"Yes, brother."<br>Kida was slightly taken aback by the note of sincerity in her voice. He took a bit of salmon from the left hip, hand shaking a bit, personalized chopsticks clattering against each other. Kida turned to Mairu who was sampling a mini omelet directly from the hollow of her neck.  
>"I never noticed you. Across the street, that is."<br>She adjusted her glasses and gave him a knowing smile.  
>"That's because I know how to blend in. I didn't want you to see me."<br>"If you ever need an undercover agent Mairu is your girl. And hey, that ootoro was mine!"  
>Mairu ate it with extra relish.<br>"Not anymore, it isn't. Anything that on the table is anyone's share. Those are the rules."  
>The scene was surprisingly reminiscent of any family dinner across the nation with these squabbles. Kida picked a roll of tuna with his teeth and scooted over to Izaya who ate it from his mouth, finishing with a kiss. He glanced briefly as Mairu winked at him, by now Kida was very turned on, so much so that he realized that if Izaya were to take him, right there and then, there would be only eagerness on his part.<br>"Hmmm…Masaomi, you know that a month hasn't passed yet."  
>His face must have registered his disappointment because Mairu chuckled around the shrimp. Mairu then decided to tweak Kururi's nipples with her chopsticks, applying them as makeshift clamps and giggling all along as they hardened. She then covered them with thin sheets of algae and licked them off, sucking on the now darker knob.<br>"I guess size really matters, huh, Masaomi-kun?"  
>If so Mairu did not seem at all displeased. Kida stirred despite himself. Izaya squeezed the other breast gently and did some sucking of his own which caused Kururi to moan almost silently. Mairu and Kururi exchanged a smile that was very loaded with meanings and behind which was a history.<br>"Tsk, she always likes _Onii-chan_ so much better."  
>Mairu gave a particular intonation to the word and poked her sister playfully with the chopsticks. Kida struggled for words but none occurred.<p> 


	45. Chapter 45

"But of course. I give her the attention she deserves. I'm afraid you bully Kururi at times."  
>Mairu chuckled with good humor and clambered on top of her sister, skirt riding up, tresses caressing naked skin as if to tickle.<br>"It can't be helped. Everything about Kururi just screams 'Please do naughty things to me.'"  
>"Heh, I won't argue with that."<br>Kida could already see plain pink panties and as Mairu kicked out the skirt he could even see a damp stain spreading on the cottony fabric. He shifted uncomfortably. There was something disturbing about such a regular choice in lingerie that even bordered on childlike and this warped behavior.  
>Izaya picked a bit of rice that Mairu had missed as she washed left a trail of saliva over plump breasts. Her smiling eyes never left Kida as she licked her way down, lathering skin, until she was lapping at the small beads of roe between Kururi's legs. Mairu stopped for a brief moment before parting the moist lips and gently flickering her tongue inside. Just enough to have Kururi moaning and shaking slightly, eyelids half closed.<br>"Ha, so I'm good for something even though I'm not Onii-chan dearest."  
>Mairu played with the folds, tracing them with a finger. Kida stared despite himself.<br>"Masaomi, you've been rather quiet. Is incest the thing that tips over your moral scale?"  
>Izaya asked and took a spicy rice roll and casually poured a cup of sake. Mairu ceased her ministrations to focus on Kida's answer. Kida's voice failed him momentarily. Izaya carried on.<br>"It can't be the lesbian aspect to it or that would be too much of a double standard on your part."  
>The only option left to Kida was the truth. As it always was with Izaya.<br>"I'm not too sure what to say- I mean, it's _supposed_ to be wrong but those are just rules someone else decided."  
>"And such rules don't count. Is that right?"<br>"Yes."  
>Very faintly, at the back of Kida's mind, it occurred to him that Mikado would offer a dozen reasons why there were so many loopholes to this logic but that was because Mikado never understood anything that mattered.<br>"Masaomi-kun! Kururi wants you to see how much fun she is having."  
>Mairu sucked on the tiny knob that stood out very pink. Kururi's hands clenched the robe on which she lied and in a surreal moment Izaya placed a slab of ootoro on her belly and commented as it began to fizzle slightly.<br>"The best fatty tuna melts very easily. See?"  
>"It's just that Kururi is so hot. Neh?"<br>Izaya and Mairu giggled. Kida downed two cups of sake and barely felt the fiery liquid.  
>"Doesn't Kururi have a saying in all this? I mean-"<br>Izaya lifted an eyebrow. For a split second Kida was sure that the switchblade would soon slit his throat. Then Mairu burst out laughing.  
>"She's fine with it, fine. We forgot to tell him! How horrible, Onii-<em>sama<em>!"  
>Izaya finished the piece of half dissolved tuna, licking the foam off salty skin before he spoke.<br>"Ah, we did forget. The rules say, those we came up with that is, that the table can't speak unless addressed directly."  
>"That's what's being a human table is all about. Our big brother is a sucker for humanity, sex, fresh fish, and his siblings."<br>"And why not have them all at the same time?"  
>Mairu spread her fingers on Kururi's insides so that she could add more tongue action.<br>"Which reminds me, which of the girls is more to your liking? Personally I love them both the same because they are my very own flesh and blood."  
>Kida swallowed hard.<br>"I can't say yet."  
>"It should totally be me. Why don't you check my cell phone pictures to see what I mean?"<br>Kida glanced at Izaya for authorization and got a nod over a cup of sake. It was absurd to be coy about anything at this stage but Kida was still reluctant to check on a girl's phone like this. What we found were several pictures of himself. Hanging out with Mikado by his favorite fountain, sharing crepes with Anri, walking down some ally with the Yellow Scarves. Kida nearly let the phone drop. Mairu's giggle was innocent and girlish which made it all the more subversive.  
>"I told you I've been watching you for a long time. At first I was a bit upset about the hair color change but I see that it's so much better this way. Makes it easier to see that you are part of our family. Neh?"<p> 


	46. Chapter 46

Mairu smiled around the delicate flesh that she was teasing ever so expertly. Kida looked at Izaya for an explanation.  
>"It was none of my doing. Mairu has admired you for such a long time."<br>"I considered throwing that glasses girl in front of a bus a few times. Direct competition and all that."  
>Izaya laughed merrily.<br>"Do leave Anri out of this. Masaomi is the chivalrous kind. And you're breaking the rules. No talking about non-Orihara members."  
>Mairu tsked and sat next to her heaving sister.<br>"So sorry. She's all yours now."  
>Izaya smiled and took Mairu's former position above Kururi, his slender fingers replacing hers. Licking the wetness off them before turning to Mairu to casually comment,<br>"Thanks, you prepared Kururi very well."  
>Mairu shrugged and scooted closer to Kida who nearly jumped out of his skin as her pigtails brushed his shoulder.<br>"She gets like that just thinking about onii-chan. It's so not fair. Don't you think so?"  
>Kida had absolutely no idea. By her own admission Mairu was a stalker, a first rate one at that, and Kida could not help but be considerably distress at the thought of her keeping tabs on him without leaving as much as a trace. He was distracted from such concerns by the spectacle unfolding before his very eyes. Izaya was kissing Kururi fully on the mouth with that passion that Kida knew so well. Hands trailed down her body and brushed caresses as if at random even as if they picked up sensitive points that caused the human table to moan softly. Izaya kissed and nipped at the hollow of her neck.<br>"Kururi, are you on the pill like I told you?"  
>"Yes, brother."<br>Mairu rummaged through her purse.  
>"She is, don't worry. No need to worry too much, I have a whole package of morning-after pills. Who said that I'm insane, I am very careful."<br>Izaya chuckled and cupped Kururi's cheek.  
>"Everyone knows that you are insane. That's one of your greatest selling points."<br>For a split second Kida was sure that the light bouncing off Mairu's glasses as she adjusted them was an irradiation of her twisted aura. The impression lingered long after the sudden glow was gone.  
>"Must run in the family, then."<br>Izaya hummed tonelessly.  
>"I don't like to use condoms with kin. But I'd do so if that is what you want. Which is it, Kururi?"<br>"Without. Without a condom."  
>It was the most emotion Kida had heard from her. Izaya licked one of her breasts and looked at him over the mould's soft rim.<br>"See, Masaomi? Kururi has a will of her own. And it is my duty to ensure that it is obeyed."  
>And with this Izaya plunged into her in one swift move that sent her jolting in what Kida knew was the keen bliss that proceeded from gratified anticipation. As he watched Izaya's slow pace that was his way of being playfully cruel, Kida tried to sort out his feelings about what was transpiring. He knew that Izaya was not one to be tied to a single partner and jealousy was not the dominating emotion that had Kida ready to try to beg Izaya to change his mind about his penalty. Not that he was completely over the fact they this kind of deeds between siblings was taboo but more than that it was knowing that tonight he would receive no similar treatment that bothered him. Which meant that the web of distortions that Izaya spun was being irrevocably weaved around him.<br>"Hey, Izaya. Can I take a ride on Masaomi-kun? Since you're so busy as it is."  
>Izaya did not bother to change his quickening rhythm but he did answer.<br>"No can do. Masaomi is mine, you can't play with him."  
>Mairu pouted and crossed her arms as if about to throw a tantrum.<br>"Fine. But you didn't say a thing about him doing things to me. Neh?"  
>"You'll make a fine lawyer when you grow up. Go ahead."<br>Izaya parted Kururi's legs, nails digging, and shifted his angle just slightly. It was enough for her glazed eyes to roll and a throaty gasp to bubble up from lips that Izaya claimed with a deep kiss. Kida was in a daze of sorts. With each thrust her entire frame shook, sweat rolling down bouncing breasts, thighs gleaming with her juices.


	47. Chapter 47

Something landing on his lap did not quite break the spell. Until he realized that they were the pink panties that Mairu had just thrown at him. Before Kida could say anything she silenced him by applying the damp fabric to his nose. He inhaled despite himself. The slightly tangy yet sweet scent was not completely unfamiliar and that disarmed him.  
>Mairu tsked and leant over, crossing her legs so as to rub a foot against the smooth folds of her sex. She twirled a pigtail, sighing dramatically. The glasses did not mask the sharp glitter in her blood red eyes. If anything, the lenses enlivened it.<br>"Being the third wheel sucks."  
>Mairu spread her legs and guided Kida's hand until it was trembling at the slippery opening, fingertips brushing moist flesh. Her smile was full of dark knowledge. Kida opened his mouth to say something but said nothing as she slid his fingers inside.<br>"Did you know that twins have their cycles in synch? Or maybe it's just Kururi and I."  
>A particularly loud moan shifted Kida's attention. Izaya had Kururi pinned down with his body, undulating into hers, speaking something into her ear. Kida could not make it out and it bothered him. Mairu noticed it and saw fit to offer up a hand as if she expected some gallant act on Kida's part.<br>"Rules say that I can't do anything to you but not vice versa. And onii-chan is being possessive. So lick. And I'll show you something very interesting."  
>Kida hesitated before obeying. He did so, overly conscious of the warm wetness that enveloped his fingers. Mairu traced a circle of saliva around her swollen clitoris and Kida found himself fingering her.<br>"Did you know that most female orgasms are reached via clit stimulation?"  
>Kida might have read it but it did not even matter. Mairu flickered her wrist rapidly and he could tell that she was coming only from the suction that tugged at his fingers. The borderline vicious smile did not falter. Mairu sat up contently and ate a few spoonfuls of flying fish roe straight from the cart. Watching her siblings as if it were her favorite TV show, complete with a snack and all. It brought to the forefront the absurd mixture of domesticity and downward pervasion.<br>"I've heard that eating this is bad for pregnant women. Heard that, Kururi? Aren't you glad nice meds make sure that won't happen to you? Ah, who am I kidding anyway. She wouldn't even care if it's aniki's."  
>Mairu shrugged and offered Kida some roe that he declined. Even edging closer to climax with each thrust Izaya did not lose track of this conversation.<br>"Mairu, do stop bad mouthing your sister."  
>Mairu rolled her eyes drastically.<br>"It's true."  
>"That is beside the point altogether. Kururi, do you like this?"<br>"Yes- brother."  
>Kida watched in frightful fascination as Izaya plunged into her for a few more thrusts that caused her to tremble aquiver in a long withdrawn moan that seemed almost painful. Kida understood it all too well. Izaya kissed her tenderly and at length withdrew, a mingled mess of semen and her juices seeping out. Kida was not even particularly surprised that Izaya should take this opportunity for sharing Mairu's roe. Others might go for nicotine to go with their afterglow but the Oriharas were more into fish eggs.<br>"Masaomi, you can touch yourself if you want. And it seems like you do want."  
>Mairu handed him the panties again as if taking the cue from Izaya's suggestion.<br>"You can come in these. Neh?"  
>Izaya giggled and glanced at Kururi who was still flat on her back.<br>"You are a wonderfully obedient girl and a most excellent human table but your duties are done for the night. Thank you for your cooperation as always!"  
>"Yay!"<br>Mairu chimed in as if she was channeling her inner _genki_ girl. Kida scooted over to Kururi and had to clear his throat before addressing her.  
>"Kururi-san, would it be alright with you if I were to, I mean, lick- Izaya's stuff…off you…"<br>He trailed off. Insanity was contagious. From behind he heard Mairu and Izaya whistle as if impressed. Kida made sure that he established eye contact with Kururi and noticed how she asked for visual approval from Izaya and she must have received it.  
>"I am fine with it. And you can just call me 'Kururi'."<p> 


	48. Chapter 48

She smiled. Only then did Kida realize that she was very pretty indeed. Because she looked like Izaya. What Kida wanted from this was not to have a chance of performing oral sex (which was why Izaya allowed this, he was sure) but to drink up Izaya's release from her insides. Which he did with abandon, tongue darting to scoop out every single salty drop. More than anything it was the taste, not as tangy as usual but very recognizable, that had him pumping himself and coming on the panties as he rode out a long overdue climax. Kida silently mouthed Izaya's name as he came and was thrilled to find his arms around him as he collapsed backwards.  
>Izaya had watched all this with great curiosity.<br>"Masaomi, aren't you glad to be part of the family?"  
>Kida did not notice it but Mairu proceeded to feed her sister who seemed much less of a pretty doll. But Kida was more interested in Izaya and in being the centre of his attention. Izaya's blade was out with invisible speed and then it was slicing a finger so that a thin streamlet of blood flowed from a minute cut.<br>"Izaya, don't-"  
>"Hush now. You can see this as an initiation ritual to welcome you properly."<br>Kida looked around for a napkin to use as a makeshift bandage. It did not at all occur to him how willing he was to bleed at Izaya's hands and yet could not endure the sight of an injury on his god. Not even a minor and self inflicted one.  
>"But-"<br>"Now, there is only thing missing. That can only be a baptism."  
>Kida was familiar with such things, any gang worth its salt had a ceremony of sorts for prospective members. It always involved violence but to this Izaya added his own distortion. He proved that yet again by writing in blood on Kida's forehead, his fingers leaving wet caresses in a succession of strokes that Kida recognized even before Izaya spoke.<br>"Orihara [折原]."  
>Kida understood that his role was that of the neophyte and thus he kept his silence and let a shiver alone show the bundle of emotions within. A sense of pride accompanied this bloodied seal.<br>"Masaomi [正臣]."  
>Kida felt the very familiar characters drawn on his very skin. A sense of expectancy was upon him. All he could see was Izaya and all he could do was hang on his every word.<br>"Do you know what the traditional concept of family necessitates? It is sharing the same blood."  
>There was no surprise as Izaya cut Kida's finger and brought their shallow cuts together, a sly smile filling the world.<br>"Hmmm…I feel like saying something highly deep like 'This is the blood of the covenant which God has commanded you.' Is that too pretentious of me?"  
>"It's not. Because you are God."<br>Izaya licked the mix of their blood off Kida's cut. Kida was breathless.  
>"So I am. And you are Orihara Masaomi."<br>The sisters clapped and joined them in a circle of sorts. And Kida felt as if he was absorbing the distortions straight into his blood stream so that they were inseparable from his very being.

Mikado listlessly picked an eggroll from his bento box. He was on the roof, the day was bright and full of sun. None of this he noticed. In fact, he had almost forgotten that Anri sat opposite to him in her silence that was always somewhat anxious. In two weeks' time he would lose his apartment. Mikado found himself studying a trail of ants scurrying about their insect ways. He dropped a bit of rice and immediately one of the ants picked it up with some difficulty and joined the rest.  
>This scene was on his mind and he returned to it during the afternoon classes as he spotted more ants just outside the window. Some carried bread crumbs as they headed in a straight line presumably to their haven. Mikado watched them. A single ant could only transform a minimal amount of food but when they worked together-<br>"That's it!"  
>Mikado jumped to his feet, for once utterly impervious of staring classmates and nagging teacher. Here was his chance, the plan of action that he needed. Mikado decided never to step on an ant again. He sat down but class was the last thing on his mind that was already running away with him and running possible outcomes. His ballpoint pen twirled rapidly in his fingers. If Orihara Izaya was into games then that was just fine. It only meant that Mikado could bring about an upset.<p> 


	49. Chapter 49

"Do you really play human table?"  
>After the most bizarre dinner and initiation rites Izaya and Mairu had settled who the next table would be via <em>JanKenPon<em> as they might have done to settle domestic chores. Mairu won and decided that she would take that honorable position next time. The following day Izaya drove Kida to Raira. An SMS had summoned him there. Anri's, asking to meet him in front of school at a rather late hour. After school was over and the residual students had left the grounds. The tone was polite and laconic. Very in character. After some hesitation Kida decided to comply with the request.  
>"Every now and then. As we told you, we all take turns. Don't worry, you'll have your shot at it one of this days."<br>Kida was not sure whether he wanted that.  
>"It's hard to imagine. You being the table."<br>"Why? Submission can be the other facet of control, Masaomi. As long as it does not contradict your will and is employed for a purpose."  
>Kida contemplated this.<br>"I can't imagine it."  
>"Now that we are alone, care to tell me which of our sisters do you like the most?"<br>The shift in pronoun was deliberate but spoken naturally.  
>"Mairu is more like you. But Kururi is more devoted to you."<br>"That is not an answer although you are correct."  
>Tokyo rushed by in its labyrinths of people, concrete and light. All these interwoven together for they were the city. Kida chose his next words carefully.<br>"I suppose that I prefer Kururi."  
>"Is it because she didn't stalk you?"<br>"That was a bit too much, yes."  
>Izaya laughed.<br>"That reminds me, Mairu has been having some problems with one bully or another. Oh well, you'll hear all about it soon enough, I bet. And here we are."  
>The sleek car stopped in front of the school gate that was deserted by now, lengthy shadows crawling the pavement. Kida looked at the dusky building.<br>"It feels like such a long time since I was last here."  
>"Time can be ever so relative. I'll be seeing you at dinner."<br>The engine purred anew as Izaya prepared to leave. But before that he had a word to impart.  
>"Don't forget your duties, clock is ticking. Dispose of what needs to be disposed. Bye bye."<br>And with a wave Izaya was gone, carried away by vivid speed.

"I am sorry to have called you out all the way here, Kida-kun."  
>He half expected to find Mikado sneaking around in some shady corner but Anri was alone. And immediately Kida realized one thing, and that was that Anri was always alone. They settled side by side with just enough distance. In front of them the fountain burst in watery sprays at regular intervals.<br>"It's okay. Did you want something?"  
>The question cut straight to the point and was unfriendly. Kida still expected her to simply be acting as Mikado's proxy. Anri understood that it was so.<br>"I did not call you out for Mikado's sake. Instead, I wanted to ask you something. And of course, find out how you have been doing."  
>"I am fine as you can see. What did you want to ask?"<br>Anri knew that Kida was lying and yet she knew that it was a conscious lie on his part.  
>"Were you with Harima Mika when she died? I have a feeling that you were. Your message gave me that impression."<br>Mechanically, Kida spotted a few Yellow Scarves lingering just at the periphery of his field of vision that the water refracted with glittery light and bled out red from the setting sun.  
>"I was there. And I tried to help- I really did but- but it did not work."<br>Kida shivered as if skyscraper winds were still swirling their cold tendrils around him.  
>"I understand. Did she tell you anything?"<br>Anri sounded mildly curious but he suspected she had much invested in this.  
>"She said that life was not worth living. That there was no place for her here."<br>Anri nodded as if this settled something for her. Then she got up and bowed formally.  
>"Thank you very much for being with her in the end."<br>If she had reproached Kida would have answered in like and simply dismiss her altogether. But this misplaced attitude caused him to begin crying, his own tears catching him by surprise.  
>"I tried to pull her up but I couldn't- I really did try- I tried my hardest but- but- I couldn't do anything so please don't thank me."<p> 


	50. Chapter 50

Anri placed a delicate hand on his and gave him a handkerchief. Just a polite gesture but it meant much from Anri.  
>"I understand. You did all you could."<br>Kida wiped his tears away and attempted a watery smile. He realized with a certainty that he had been running away from that Izaya could have saved Harima Mika. It was not so much long overdue realization as a clearer insight into it. Kida glanced at the gangers, crying was not an option for a gang leader.  
>"I am sorry, Anri."<br>She shook her head and smiled quietly. Unobtrusive all around.  
>"It wasn't your fault."<br>Kida was not too sure about this. He was implicated at least indirectly. Another sin to carry. Kida found himself mimicking her pale smile in return.  
>"Ah, you are a perfect match for Mikado."<br>Kida was caught unawares by his own words. Suddenly he had an image of Mikado eating his very sparse meals all by himself in his dingy apartment. Anri's smile grew warmer as she shook her head again for hers was an attitude of denial towards this uncertain world that displaced her.  
>"I'm not the one Mikado-kun has in his sight."<br>Kida kicked at a brownish leaf that was like tinfoil at his feet.  
>"Don't discount yourself like that, Anri!"<br>She was silent for a while, trying to reach a decision.  
>"Kida-kun, I know that it is none of my business. But if you were willing to go that far for a complete stranger like Mika was to you, then couldn't you reach out to someone you once saw as a friend? I must go now. Good afternoon."<br>And without waiting for an answer Anri bowed and disappeared into the painless and painful anonymity of Tokyo's many crowds.

As of late Mikado found himself dallying in the streets until it was edging on night. His after school routine was as shattered as everything else. His plan was bearing fruit. Slowly but surely. Mikado preferred to work from his laptop out in the open despite the alarming growth of gang members that seemed to be at every corner. Their yellow color hurt Mikado in a way he did not want to consider. To avoid this he now took it to an ally that should safely lead him to the street right in front of his apartment that would most definitely remain his. Unfortunately, that did not happen.  
>A big shadow blocked his path. Mikado jolted instinctively and held the laptop against his chest as if to protect himself from the group of Yellow Scarves that he could now discern in the gloom between buildings.<br>"Eh, got lost?"  
>"Haven't you heard that it isn't safe to walk around this late?"<br>Mikado took a few steps backwards but only to hit another human obstacle. He flinched away immediately only to realize that he was indeed surrounded.  
>"Ya should know what happens to little kids that lose their way."<br>"Bad things."  
>They snickered. It sounded like dirt whistling in the murky wind. Mikado's heart was pounding. His mind relapsed to his days of elementary school when bigger boys would form a predatory circle just like this and advance, but it was so much worse now, there were no security backups. Mikado knew that the tallest man was about to strike him, he knew a fraction of second ahead, but all he could do was close his eyes. And then there was a loud scream of pain in the air. Not his own. Followed by gasps of awe. Mikado opened his eyes tentatively and realized that he was crouched on the ground.<br>He then noticed blood, a still shrieking gangster clutching a red splattered hand, and amidst the others who retreated in a circle was ever so different, Kida Masaomi. Blade in hand, eyes cold as he turned them to the ruffians.  
>"Kida!"<br>"That's really you?"  
>"It has got to be!"<br>Kida did not retract the blade that shone bloodily. He spared only a glance in Mikado's direction.  
>"We'd heard that you were back but-"<br>"I don't recall telling you that you could speak."  
>Mikado could not quite find his voice. Kida's resounded sharp. The gangsters grew silent. Kida glanced to the injured one.<br>"On whose orders do you think you are acting on? Clearly not mine. What did I say about assaulting civilians? And you may answer."


	51. Chapter 51

They seemed reluctant to do so, though. Now that they were directly addressed their willingness to speak disappeared into apologetic mumbling. Still on the ground Mikado had a vantage point of view that showed the startling difference in heights between his best friend and the big men who did cower in his presence. At length one of them answered.  
>"You said…not to do it, to leave civilians alone."<br>"But Kida, he had a laptop! We needed it-"  
>"And this is our territory-"<br>"'bukuro-"  
>Kida tilted his head to the side as if he was considering these excuses. Which he was not.<br>"'Our' territory? Why don't you refresh my memory as to what rules you're to follow."  
>The blade was back with a flash and with a flash it went through flesh and nailed one of the goons to the nearest wall, easily driving the sharp edge all the way into the hand. Speckles of blood filled the air briefly.<br>"Kida- please, let me go- we won't disobey again!"  
>"Don't get too familiar with me. And you're still not getting it. The rules, remind me of them."<br>Kida twisted the blade without even bothering to spare at glance at the man writhing in pain. Mikado noticed that Kida's expression did not change, he remained impassible with a kind of cold indifference that sent a chill down his spine.  
>"Not to steal or cause trouble-"<br>"-stay in 'bukuro-"  
>"Just defend if attacked by other gangs."<br>"Civilians are off limits-"  
>"The rules are to follow-"<br>"No disobeying them…"  
>Kida retrieved the blade and observed them with his unwavering stare that reduced them to the less than human scum that he knew them to be. The wounded ganger did not even dare crawl away, his only reaction was to make a poor attempt at staunching the bleeding. Mikado was more afraid than he had been before as the blood-stained tip was aimed in the direction of the equally terrified Yellow Scarves. It came very naturally once he swung back into the dynamics of leadership.<br>"Since you know all that already, you know what's coming, don't you? Your friend here just had a taste of it but it wouldn't be fair to let you get away scot free."  
>And with this Kida was a flurry of quick movement, slashing liberally, keeping the damage minimal and still driving the point home. Words never worked with such creatures unless they were backed up by force. Mikado knew nothing about how controlled this apparent bout of violence was. No one heard his garbled and weak protests.<br>"By the way, pass the word. Gather next week at the usual place. Wear no colors. Is that understood?"  
>"Yes- we'll tell the others."<br>Kida nodded and watched them relax visibly as soon as the blade slipped back into the nervous mechanism of coils, Kida wiping off the blood with mild disgust.  
>"Good. Now get out of here."<br>"'kay. Glad you're back, Kida."  
>"Yeah."<br>"Sorry about messing up."  
>Mikado could not possibly understand how such volatile people could turn this meek, especially not after the abuse they had suffered. Kida could have told him that gang members craved two things above all others, one was a sense of belonging and the other was being acknowledged by those atop the pyramid of power and these two were irrevocably enmeshed. They left smiling. Kida waited until they were gone and then spun on his heels and made as if to leave in the opposite direction.<br>"Kida-kun! Thank you. You saved me."  
>Mikado's smile was rather weak as he got up and dutifully dusted off his pants with sweaty hands. Kida could almost taste his fear and it was saddening but part of reality, of the world where people fell to their deaths and best friends were torn asunder.<br>"Don't get the wrong idea. I needed to discipline those punks anyway. And they had a point, this city is getting dangerous. Stay away from the backstreets and don't go out this late if you don't want this to happen again."  
>Mikado tried to swallow the lump in his throat. It did not work. Residues of sunlight trickled from the very distant and choppy sky that was cut by the massive blocks of concrete that stood in defiance to its clean heights.<br>"I wanted to tell you that, that it doesn't matter to me if you're still in a gang or not- I'd still like to be your friend."  
>"Isn't that admirable of you. You can say all that but fact remains that you're scared of me. And if you aren't you should."<p> 


	52. Chapter 52

Mikado was very aware of the puddles of blood scattered in the alley and of the grim stain on the wall.  
>"Anyone would be…but you didn't hurt me."<br>Mikado could tell that Kida's mind was wandering to some other place.  
>"Say, Mikado…have you ever seen someone fall off a skyscraper? The sound when they hit the ground is like when we used to drop eggs from the classroom and unto the road for the fun of it. It's a lot like that, it's a kind of wet cracking noise. As if a person was just like an egg. Really insignificant."<br>This semi-confessional tone was a surprise to Mikado. What was behind it he would rather not guess but it was an opening of sorts. Perhaps only slanted and giving way to more distortions but an opening at any rate. He put aside the laptop and placed a hand on Kida's shoulder after some hesitation, wondering briefly if those ropes had left marks.  
>"I remember, we used to do that back in elementary school. Or you used to do it, I just tagged along."<br>Kida smiled as if he saw a whole different import to these words and foreshadowing in those childish games. He did not acknowledge the hand on his shoulder.  
>"You know what, Mikado? I've been thinking. And it seems to me that you are a better person than I'll ever be. Which is not to say that I'd rather be like <em>you<em>, I really don't, but as far as being 'good' goes, you are most definitely ahead."  
>"What do you mean?"<br>Mikado stalled for time. He was only partially grateful for this odd melancholy that was so at odds with what he had just seen shortly ago (it crossed Mikado's mind that something had to be very unhinged for anyone to go from aggressively in charge to reminiscing in this roundabout way) and he needed to force himself into action.  
>"I think that you wouldn't have let go of her hand no matter what. I could lie and say 'it just slipped' but I know better. In the end I had to make a call - of course it would be idiotic to fall as well, what purpose would that serve - but I know that's what you would've done."<br>By now Mikado was fairly certain that Kida meant Harima Mika. He had an idea as to why Kida kept that newspaper article. A feeling of compassion swept him as his heart went out to Kida. And it only made clearer what he had to do, the hand in his pocket grasping for purchase. His window of opportunity was narrow so Mikado had to act now.  
>It only worked because Kida's guard was down and because he did not at all expect it. The stun gun sent its discharge of electricity and Kida leapt back, instinct kicking in a fraction of a second too late. He got as far as reaching for the blade but his vision was too cloudy – he could only see Mikado holding the stun gun through a growing haze – and his reflexes dulled to the point of making coordinated movement impossible. His surprise, as utter as it was, vanished almost immediately and before blackness descended Kida had time to curse Mikado in his heart.<br>Mikado kept him from falling and gently propped him against the wall. Carefully avoiding the red smears. Unconscious as he was, Kida looked just like a child. Mikado remained calm because any other option would spell disaster. He brushed Kida's cheek in a quasi caress. It would do not good to get distracted at this point for he could not possibly go back after this.  
>He made a call to secure transportation and then another one. While Mikado waited he went through Kida's pockets and removed the switchblade that he held by the tips of his fingers, nearly tossing it away. There were no other weapons. Mikado ended up keeping the blade.<br>He almost expected Izaya to burst out of nowhere with that evil gait of his. Mikado scanned both ends of the alley and only relaxed when the black motorcycle made its appearance, preceded by the trademark neighing. Since Mikado had already made arrangements he needed only load Kida behind Celty and then mount the backseat with him, keeping his arms around him throughout the whole ride. Not so much to secure him as to secure himself.


	53. Chapter 53

Mikado did not know if Kida would ever forgive him for this. He suspected that Kida would not. But if he had to sacrifice their friendship forever, he would do exactly that if it was to bring Kida back to the right side of things. As much as a gamble as it was. He remembered riding behind Kida on a bicycle in another lifetime. Kida had taught him how to ride and in those days as now Mikado had closed his eyes, hiding his face against his back and hoping for the best.

Kida woke up with a latent headache and the feeling of danger. So that despite a certain confusion he realized almost immediately that he was tied up, that he was lying on a couch, and that Mikado was smiling uncertainly at him.  
>"Ah, you're back."<br>"Great way to show your gratitude."  
>Mikado nodded as if he accepted the charge.<br>"I'm sorry I had to use the stun gun on you-"  
>"'Sorry'?"<br>"-but I couldn't just do nothing._ That_ I could never do."  
>Kida narrowed his eyes.<br>"This is kidnapping."  
>"I know."<br>"Izaya will kill you."  
>"Let him try, then."<br>Kida could tell that Mikado meant it. But he merely shrugged at this.  
>"Actually, <em>I'll<em> kill you. It's of no use telling you to untie me-"  
>"Those ropes are there for a reason."<br>"-but if you think you'll get away with this, you have another thing coming."  
>Mikado nodded again.<br>"I know that too. I'm sure you'll hate me but that's just fine. Hate me all you want, Kida. I am doing what's right. Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you were doing the right thing?"  
>It was part of Mikado's strategy to keep any overt references to Izaya at a minimum. He knew that Izaya was more of a symptom than a cause to Kida's problems. Kida flat out ignored the question.<br>"So, what will you do now? Ransom?"  
>"For the time being I'll keep you here."<br>"And where is 'here'?"  
>Kida could tell that he was in a basement of sorts. No traffic noise. Reinforced concrete walls.<br>"I'm not telling you that."  
>A change in tactics was in order. Kida brought to mind all that Izaya had taught him about manipulation and what emotions to tug at in order to get the desired outcome. It was akin to human alchemy, a kind of dark magic of the heart.<br>"Hey, Mikado…give me a break here. I'm at your mercy, you can at least me tell me what you'll do to me. Don't I deserve as much?"  
>Kida smiled. Mikado shook his head slowly.<br>"I'll just let you cool down for a while and make sure you don't end up getting hurt beyond repair. Maybe you don't think it matters if something happens to you but you're important to me."  
>"Then could you untie me, please? These ropes are hell."<br>Mikado only grew icier. He remembered Kida having absolutely no qualms whatsoever about Izaya wrapping him flesh biting ropes with knots that were both a torture and humiliation to endure. While Mikado asked Celty to make sure his movements were restrained without causing too much discomfort.  
>"You'll be untied in due time."<br>"Mikado, you don't really want to do this. We're friends, right?"  
>Insisting on the name, on purpose.<br>"I am your friend, yes. I doubt you're mine."  
>"Mikado, just untie me and we'll talk. You must be regretting this already."<br>"I regret that I let it get to the point I had to do this."  
>Kida had already tested his restrains and found them solid. His next step was to attempt a smile followed by a well-trained wince. And he insisted on using the name of his interlocutor out of a notion that it built some sort of rapport.<br>"Come now, Mikado. These really hurt, you know? How about we just have a conversation?"  
>"We'll do that. You can talk fine as it is."<br>Kida considered pushing the case further but he could tell that Mikado was not about to budge. And Kida was not one to fail to notice true resolution when in the presence of it.  
>"Alright. What do you want to know?"<br>There were many things, so many that Mikado could not immediately select one from the bundle that had so tortured his reflections.  
>"Why did you start a gang in the first place?"<br>It was not the question that Kida expected and he was taken aback. So he was silent for a while. Weighing his options.  
>"'I just wanted not to be alone'? Something like that, you think? Not really. What I wanted was much simpler than that. I wanted power."<p> 


	54. Chapter 54

Mikado was rather surprised.  
>"Power to do what?"<br>"I never quite got around to that. Just power. As a starting point. I remember that one of the first things I saw when I arrived here was some poor fellow getting the beating of his life. I was dumb enough to try to stop it…which only meant that at the end of the day the guys got to beat up two people instead of one. And nothing really changed. So I decided that I wouldn't let that ever happen to me again."  
>Mikado thought that Kida would be defensive but he seemed more open to actual conversation than he had been in a long time. More, Kida's calm was somewhat upsetting. Through it Mikado could see Kida as a gang leader, not the head butting troublemaker but something of a manipulator in his own right. Kida seemed to be following the same train of thought because he carried on.<br>"I suppose I'm not what you'd expect a criminal to be. The tiniest Yellow Scarf could wipe the floor with me if he wanted. But he wouldn't dare. You know why not, Mikado?"  
>"Because they like you?"<br>"Actually, yes. But that's not all. They recognize that I can give them what they need. And that's a sense of order. Outsiders have an idea that gangs are just a bunch of idiots running around beating up people for kinks. It only gets to that point if the leader cops out, really. The idiot part is absolutely true. But gang members want structure, they want someone who'll put them in their place without being 'The Man'. They're all miserable and pitiful. They _do_ feel alone but when they get to 'join hands' they feel strong."  
>Mikado paid close attention to this cruel explanation. He chose his next words very carefully.<br>"I don't think there is anything wrong in wanting to belong to a group but I fail to see how that is connected to hurting others."  
>Kida laughed. It was not the type of laughter Mikado associated with Kida but something cynical that echoed Izaya.<br>"'It's us against _them_'. That's how it works. And as long as you have someone you can trample on, you are above and thus better. And so you climb upward in the ranks."  
>Mikado shook his head.<br>"I could never agree to that."  
>"Remind me to give you a medal for that."<br>"But you quit your gang. Why?"  
>Kida shrugged as much as he could. The ropes made it difficult.<br>"You'll probably laugh and call me out on my hypocrisy. But I actually quit because of you."  
>Mikado blinked.<br>"Me?"  
>"About the time I knew you were moving to Tokyo. I just couldn't bear to see that look on your face, that 'Oh Kida-kun, why do you disappoint me so' look that is worse than your silly rants about 'justice'. I knew that if you found out that'd be your reaction. Oh well, so much for <em>that<em>, huh Mikado?"  
>"Kida…"<br>"Thing is, I'm a great liar. I can lie so well that at one point I realized that I was doing it all the time. It got so tiring. Putting on the 'Kida-kun!' mask every single day and entertain the others."  
>Mikado could see that Kida truly meant it.<br>"Did you also feel you had to entertain me?"  
>"If you must know…yes, in a way. You can be pretty gloomy yourself and there's no way you can hide it even if you try. Of course I could never burden you with my problems. You have your own life to figure out and I know you'd just stay up all night long trying to figure out a solution to what just can't be solved."<br>"You care that much for me…?"  
>"I know this city's harsh and how you worry over little details. So I had to be at my brightest and chirpiest with you because your 'best friend' is a happy if slightly annoying boy, who blabs too much and so covers your silence, who acts as a foil when you can't come up with a topic of conversation and who takes liberties jumping on you in a trademark 'Kida-kun tackle' because you're so reserved that someone has to unwind you a tad if that means ruffling your feathers."<br>Mikado opened and closed his mouth a few times. He smiled a bit.  
>"You really know me, Kida."<br>"The world you want…there is no place for me in it. You know that, right? It is a world that denies my existence."


	55. Chapter 55

"I'm not too sure about that. You were talking about Harima Mika back in the ally, weren't you? You tried to save her. That counts as something-"  
>"Didn't change a thing."<br>"-even if you couldn't. You can't say that it didn't change a thing because it must have meant something to her. And it shows me that you're capable of putting a stranger's life first. That's something I admire. It's also what my best friend would've done."  
>Kida's smile grew vague.<br>"And yet I couldn't reach out to someone I once viewed as a friend, huh."  
>"I think that if you do nothing to save a person then you are guilty of their ruin."<br>This hit Kida. More than Mikado at all expected. For the first time in this conversation he saw Kida falter. At length he seemed to have reached an emotional foothold of justification.  
>"That may very well be true. But only as far as us humans go. God can do as he pleases and he answers to absolutely no one. And God is Orihara Izaya."<br>It put an end to this exchange as far as Kida was concerned.  
>"Even if he is, if he has no respect for the life of those weaker than himself then he deserves no respect in return. In fact, it is doubly so if you believe him to be god."<br>For this Kida had no answer. He retreated into obstinate silence. Half regretting a few good deeds.

"Here's your money, Orihara-san."  
>Mikado carried no physical currency. Instead he showed him his laptop where a monetary transfer was confirmed. Izaya lifted an eyebrow.<br>"Oh? So it is. And ahead of time, too. If only all tenants were as dutiful as you are, Ryugamine-san."  
>Mikado made a point of going all the way to Izaya's apartment. Which was unnecessary in practical terms.<br>"I paid for the next two months' rent as well."  
>"Marvelous. I must say, the way you employed Dollars to pay was very clever."<br>Izaya had monitored Mikado's every move, tracking them online. Mikado had managed to rally each individual in his network to offer a minimal amount that combined formed the sum he needed. Without burdening anyone. Very much like the ants that alone could do nothing but that together built their nests. The logic was somewhat inverted. In this case the benefits were not for the collectivity's sake but for a single person. Mikado was not particularly bothered. He would contribute in the same way to help others if the chance presented itself.  
>"I don't care for your praise so you might as well drop it, Orihara-san."<br>Mikado stood, having politely but surely declined the offer to sit. His attitude was one of calm antagonism. Shoulders perhaps a bit too stiff. Izaya shrugged.  
>"Oh well, can't win them all as they say. But do tell me, where is Masaomi?"<br>"You're the one living with him. You should know better than I."  
>Izaya chuckled.<br>"He has been missing, it seems. I was just about to report him as a missing person."  
>"No you weren't."<br>Izaya calmly walked to the kitchen and fixed a cup of tea that he sipped from without hurrying.  
>"Ryugamine-san, I believe that you are in possession of Masaomi. Which counts as kidnapping. I would absolutely hate to turn this into a legal matter but I may be forced to."<br>He smiled over the rim of the cup.  
>"I wouldn't do that if I were you. If you involve the police, I will have you arrested on the charges on child abuse, neglect, and rape of a minor. Since Kida is one even if he gave his consent there is such a thing as 'statutory rape'. The fact that you are his legal guardian will undoubtedly make your sentence heavier."<br>Izaya crossed a leg over a knee, smoothly.  
>"You can join Mairu in becoming a lawyer. But you are forgetting that one is innocent until proved otherwise."<br>Mikado smiled.  
>"I'm sure the court of law will take that into consideration when it sees that video you shared with me. You were clever enough not to film yourself but Kida calls your name-"<br>"Such a faithful boy he is."  
>"-and there's voice recognition, not to mention the footage was clearly shot in your apartment."<p> 


	56. Chapter 56

Izaya clapped loudly.  
>"Bravo! Indeed. Of course, I can easily make the legal channels forget all about that. You'd be amazed at what money can accomplish. Of course you have never seen much of it. Speaking of which, I suppose Masaomi has told you of his exemplary aid in your behalf?"<br>"What are you talking about?"  
>Izaya rubbed his chin.<br>"Hmm…so he didn't tell you. For shame, that Masaomi. Always so ready to make himself appear a villain. Guess I'll let you in on the deal, then. The contributions you received, they were all anonymous, weren't they?"  
>"Yes. What does that have to do with this?"<br>"So you can't be sure that it was _your_ precious Dollars doing all the donating, now can you? Because I have it from a highly reliable source that the Yellow Scarves were, how should I put it, greatly incentivized to give as well. I say 'highly reliable' because it is none other than Masaomi himself."  
>Mikado covered his surprise by remaining blank.<br>"And why are you telling me this? Assuming you're not lying, that is."  
>"I'm not lying. I just thought you'd like to know that quite a lot of the money you forwarded me was made from selling drugs and stealing. Do you understand, Ryugamine-san? No one is innocent."<br>Mikado made as if to leave. He would not give Izaya the satisfaction of carrying on this conversation any further.  
>"I am busy. If you'll excuse me."<br>"You know, if you at all like Masaomi you'll let him go."  
>"I told you already that I don't know where he is. Maybe he got fed up with you at last and-"<br>"Now _you_ drop the pretence."  
>Mikado had no idea how Izaya was suddenly so frighteningly close. Close enough to block his exit route even.<br>"Get out of my way, Orihara-san."  
>"Not until you listen. Masaomi has plans of his own as you must have realized by now. Next week he'll be meeting with his gang. Do you know what'll happen if he fails to make that appointment, for lack of a better word? They'll tear him to shreds."<br>Mikado blinked.  
>"You actually care about him."<br>Izaya shrugged.  
>"It would be perfect for you if I were a perfect monster as you believe me to be. Believe it or not I do have emotions. Do not waste Masaomi's resolution."<br>Mikado was not precisely uncertain of where he stood but he was forced to take these words into consideration.  
>"If you'll excuse me now, I have got to go."<br>"One more thing. Don't forget that there are other people looking for Masaomi. Keep that in mind."

Kida stepped into the shower and turned on the warm water. As he expected Mikado was thorough in all things and that included keeping the headless monster as a most efficacious guard. So that while Kida was not tied up and his incarceration was very light indeed (it even included the latest chapters of his favorite manga) it was impossible to escape. He tried to think, touching on the mark left on his side by the stun gun. It was a rather ugly reddish burn like blemish but it would soon fade.  
>Kida had figured out that the headless creature had been responsible for tying him up at Mikado's request in such a way as to leave no trace of it on his skin. He could not precisely understand just what Mikado was up to in doing something this drastic as kidnapping him. Kida needed to find a way out of his place. There was still quite some time until the reunion but he suspected that Mikado would be even more adamant about not letting him go if he found about it. With no way of telling what Mikado was plotting Kida was left with only a choice and that was to wait for Izaya to find him.<br>Kida leant his head against the wall and sighed. The thought of Izaya coupled with the pattering water and his withdrawal from sex had Kida moving a fist along a budding erection. His mind conjured up Izaya with distinct clarity. From the hint of cruelty that was never fully absent when Izaya took him to the precise shade of red of his eyes, so much like blood.  
>There were two knocks on the door. Kida did not hear them, he was too busy listening to invoked voice that was telling him just how much he deserved to be punished, his fantasy veering to the masochist. Nor did he hear:<br>"Kida-kun? I'm bringing you some towels."  
>Mikado dropped these and stood grounded to the floor. He opened his mouth to speak only to close it again.<p> 


	57. Chapter 57

It was part of Mikado's personality to be able to hold his ground against anything if he believed it to be the right thing but to be rather helpless in embarrassing situations. This one-sided awkwardness lasted long enough for a telltale blush to creep over Mikado's cheeks and for Kida to work himself into something of a frenzy. His eyes were shut so that he could better envision just what Izaya would do to him and he only opened them when orgasm was imminent. And that was when he spotted Mikado.  
>"Can't I get <em>some<em> privacy?"  
>Kida pulled the shower curtain brusquely. Mikado turned around and fumbled.<br>"Sorry, I knocked and all, I did not mean to intrude on-"  
>"Just leave!"<br>The door banged after Mikado as he left in a hurry. Kida cursed under his breath. The mood was thoroughly ruined and he finished himself off more to get rid of some of his irritation than anything else. He expected to find no one when he got back to the main basement room but there Mikado was, sitting at the end of the sofa, knees together and that look of deep embarrassment that could be so endearing. Currently Kida found it anything but.  
>Mikado jumped to his feet immediately.<br>"Kida-kun, I am sorry."  
>"For keeping me here against my will or?"<br>Mikado smiled weakly. He wanted to ask Kida about what he intended to do with the Yellow Scarves but this renewed hostility made it difficult to approach the subject. Or any subject of importance, for the matter. Mikado decided to take a roundabout route.  
>"I hope you're not very uncomfortable here. I brought you some things."<br>He scurried into a bunch of plastic bags and made a lot of noise to extract some packages of ramen, snacks and loads of pocky. Kida's annoyance disappeared on the spot. These were expensive items for Mikado.  
>"You don't have to do all this. Just let me go."<br>"Kida, you- did you help me pay my rent?"  
>A shrug.<br>"I didn't do it to help you. That was Izaya's money to start with. I just made sure he received it."  
>Mikado nodded. He was afraid that Kida had made it so to drag him to a muddle of illegal affairs but he could tell by this dismissive way that it was not so. Kida joined him on the couch and vigorously dried his hair with a towel. It had been a surprise that Izaya turned out to be the proprietor of Mikado's apartment and Kida was sure that it was no coincidence. Kida found the appalling condition of the place to be unacceptable but he kept his silence on the issue. That Izaya was responsible for it gave Kida a very distressing feeling. Knowing, in abstract, that Izaya exploited virtually all people that he came in contact with was one thing. Knowing that this extended as far as treating Mikado as if he were less than human was a whole different thing.<br>"Oh. Right. Thanks anyway."  
>Kida felt a strange need to defend Izaya even though there was no attack, covert or overt, apart from the one his conscience launched. At the back of his mind he wondered if Izaya had contributed as well as a deed of fine irony.<br>"It'll become better, your apartment. I've seen the plans and it'll look great and the walls will be isolated so you won't freeze to death when winter comes 'round."  
>Mikado smiled a bit more decidedly. On particularly cold nights Kida would often invite Mikado over and turn the occasion into a slumber party under warm fluffy blankets.<br>"I was fine with the way it was."  
>Kida did not want to pursue this subject any further. He did not even need to imagine Mikado in his small water-stained one room apartment, he had seen it before and it never failed to make his heart go out to him.<br>"Shouldn't you be in school or something?"  
>"School is over for the day."<br>"And you dashed here right away?"  
>It sounded like an innocent question enough but Kida wanted to find out something, anything, about his present location. Knowing how long it took Mikado to reach it from Raira would give him an idea of the area in which he was secluded.<br>"I had a few things to take care of first."  
>"Oh? Could it be a hot date with Anri-chan!"<br>"Nothing like that."  
>"Are you okay? With how I got the money? Since I did use the Yellow Scarves."<br>"I don't like you getting involved with criminal activities but I am glad that you helped me. Even if your objective was something else."


	58. Chapter 58

The look of pain on Mikado's face was very familiar. Kida remembered it from when Mikado found needles stuffed in his shoes.  
>"At least you'll be better off from now on."<br>Mikado had his serious doubts about this.  
>"While the renovation is taking place I'll be staying here. If you don't mind."<br>Kida laughed.  
>"Heh, there's nothing <em>I<em> can do to stop you. I'm the hostage here, remember?"  
>"I wouldn't say hostage…"<br>"Fine, 'permanent and unwilling guest', then."  
>Mikado produced a pile of books from a packback.<br>"I brought you schoolbooks and some of my notes. You're still taking the exams, right? I figured you might want to study."  
>Kida flung himself, lying on the sofa, head almost on Mikado's lap.<br>"Yay…I'm locked here with no way out _and_ I've got to study. Thanks a bunch, Mikado."  
>"You don't have to study but I just thought you might want to."<br>"And if I don't Mikado-kun will spank me."  
>Kida laughed. It was his usual banter but Mikado found himself blushing.<br>"I wouldn't do that."  
>"Heh. Great to know that. By the way, you say you're staying here…there's only one bed that I know of."<br>"Oh, I brought my own futon."  
>Mikado proceeded to unroll it. Kida took notice of the old and saggy mattress along with the small duffel bag that he knew contained all of Mikado's belongings.<br>"Just put that thing away. The bed's big enough for the two of us."  
>"Okay, Kida-kun."<br>"Can I at least call my parents? I'm supposed to keep in touch every now and then."  
>"I'll dial the number for you."<br>Kida did not let it show but he was angry. He hoped to simply call Izaya and stay on the line long enough for him to trace back the call. Kida forgot all about this as Mikado handed him his cell phone and he saw the straps.  
>"Kida-kun? It's ringing."<br>"Just forget it. I'll call them later."  
>"Are you sure?"<br>"Yes."  
>Mikado closed the phone. Kida wanted to ask about the straps. He went as far as opening his mouth but decided to keep his silence.<p>

Shizuo turned the key in the lock and stepped into the large apartment. He found Izaya staring intently at a laptop, hands laced together, chin resting on them. Izaya did not lift his pixel reflected eyes from the screen.  
>"You alone?"<br>"Hello, Shizu-chan. So I am."  
>"Yellow Scarf walked out on you?"<br>Izaya chuckled. His relationship with Shizuo oscillated dangerously but Izaya's emotions were as his intellect: unfaltering. Only now did he look away from whatever entertained him on the screen.  
>"My Masaomi has been taken from me. I don't suppose you're here to offer me some vital information as to his whereabouts?"<br>"Not really."  
>Shizuo sat on the sofa. He was not even sure himself why he trampled on Izaya's territory as he did. Shizuo knew that if he did not take the initiative to meet him, Izaya would come to him. Being passive only encouraged Izaya to spin more of his venom, putting himself in contact with Izaya was a way of stealing the delight he took in sneaking up on Shizuo. But there was more to it. It was also a way of making a stand and facing the darkness that was the bane of his existence.<br>"It's not like you to get so worked up over anything."  
>"Jealous, Shizu-chan?"<br>Shizuo did not even blink. Izaya carried on.  
>"I do not like it when someone steals what's rightly mine."<br>Cigarette smoke curled upwards in a grey tendril. Izaya sat on the sofa, keeping a tactical distance.  
>"'Rightly yours', huh. The Yellow Scarf's friend seems to think he owns him too."<br>"So Ryugamine-san has contacted you. The question is, was it before or after he stole Masaomi."  
>"You'll destroy those two. In one way or another."<br>Izaya's smile was slow and sharp.  
>"Perhaps. But as you say, in different ways. People who make me cross do not fare well at all. Yet apart from those I am also loved, Shizu-chan. It's part of the grand irony of things that both attitudes lead to self-destruction."<br>"'Self' with a lot of your help."  
>Izaya giggled.<br>"I never once pushed anyone over the edge. I've stood on rooftops and listened to sob stories. Pitiful excuses. In the end they chose to jump."  
>Shizuo smoked in silence for a while. Izaya eased back, leisurely.<br>"Penny for your thoughts, Shizu-chan."  
>"Just wondering."<br>"About what?"


	59. Chapter 59

Izaya knew Heiwajima Shizuo. He knew how Shizuo mulled over things in grim reflections, that this disenchanted side of him was so much deeper than the volatile first impression he caused. This dark perspective was perceived by Izaya as a point of contact, a border where he deemed them closer despite being on opposing hemispheres.  
>"About you. Just wondering when you became so fucked up. Were you born that way or did something go wrong somewhere along the way."<br>Izaya tilted his head to the side.  
>"There was no great traumatic event in my life. You know this already. I had a good childhood and loving siblings."<br>Shizuo nodded.  
>"Always thought you were fucked up from the start."<br>"That is very harsh of you."  
>"It's also true."<br>Izaya chuckled.  
>"I am what I am."<br>"And that's a shame."  
>Shizuo walked to the fridge and sipped some oolong tea.<br>"How come?"  
>"'Cuz you don't have an excuse for being a bastard."<br>Izaya shrugged, flickering his wrists, palms turned upward.  
>"I cannot possibly go against my nature."<br>"Not that you try."  
>"Hmm…true. By the way, how have you been handling those anger issues of yours, Shizu-chan?"<br>Shizuo grimaced but kept on drinking. Izaya kept a supply of all of Shizuo's favorite drinks, it was one of his ways of telling that he was welcome any time and that he was privy to such details about Shizuo. There had been times when Shizuo had dropped by during one of Izaya's many sex sessions only to have Izaya dismissing his partner on the spot, mid coitus even, and skipping to Shizuo's side with a ready smile that was not even fake.  
>"Same old."<br>"Ah. See? There is no point to trying to counter your instincts. In the end it is absolutely pointless."  
>"If that was true I would've smashed you under a vending machine by now."<br>Izaya sighed and grew silent. Thoughtful, too. The smile faded. Shizuo waited.  
>"I entertain the forlorn hope of your adding some, I suppose 'desire' would be the word, to that violence of yours regarding my person."<br>"You sure talk fancy."  
>"You know what I mean."<br>Izaya reached into Shizuo's vest and extracted a cigarette that he held between two fingers. Sitting with one leg crossed over the other, all long limbs and ready to transition into swift motion at any moment.  
>"I'd rather not know."<br>Izaya lit his cigarette on Shizuo's, leaning over as he did so, then taking a deep drag. He only smoked around Shizuo and even then on rare occasions so that the bitter taste of smoke never became familiar but was always connected to Shizuo.  
>"Ah. Of course. For you do hate me."<br>"Don't make it sound one-sided."  
>Izaya blinked. He remained very close to Shizuo.<br>"Oh? Are you saying that I hate you too?"  
>"Pretty much."<br>It was rare for Izaya to be genuinely surprised. He was so now.  
>"What makes you say so?"<br>"Everything, pretty much."  
>"Everything?"<br>Shizuo folded his arms.  
>"Yeah. You fixate on me because I call you on your bullshit. If you ask me, this obsession is nothing more than your way of hating."<br>Izaya puffed out some smoke. Drawing it out with relish.  
>"That is an interesting theory as far as my personal psychology goes."<br>"More blabbing."  
>"Not quite. Of course, I readily admit that I am abnormal in some respects-"<br>"You sleep with your own sisters, I think 'abnormal' doesn't cut it."  
>"-but of all the emotions I have for you, 'hate' is not one of them."<br>Izaya handed him an ashtray.  
>"That's even more fucked up."<br>"Do elaborate."  
>"I'll do just that. If you drop your 'I'm so fucking smart' act. I've seen it many times before and it's not getting any better with time."<br>Izaya finished his cigarette. Almost regretfully.  
>"I'm listening."<br>"You're about to pull the 'I love you, Shizu-chan' card. All I got to say to _that_ is, if you actually 'love' someone and still make his life a living hell then you're more than fucked up. Then you're just sick."  
>Izaya lightly touched Shizuo's knee.<br>"'I love you, Shizu-chan.'"  
>The provocation was pointed.<br>"Not gonna work. You can't play me, Izaya."  
>Shizuo got up. His visit was over. Normally Izaya would make a few more sly insinuations before letting him go.<br>"Do you believe that I am a monster?"  
>Shizuo turned around because the tone was gone.<p> 


	60. Chapter 60

"You seem to think that yourself and you're fine with it."  
>"Ah. Indeed. But you've hit me plenty of times so you know that I bleed as humans do, my bones break as those of a normal person and I have longings as anyone else does."<br>"Don't bother spinning it."  
>Izaya got up. Slowly.<br>"It is the truth, though. See?"  
>The switchblade was out. Izaya cut a thin a line across the palm of his hand and bled on the floor. Blood fell silently in a stark red trail. Izaya did not break eye contact.<br>"Thought you hated a mess."  
>"I'm making a point."<br>"What point is that?"  
>"That I am ever so human."<br>Shizuo lifted a single eyebrow.  
>"Good for you."<br>"Shizu-chan? You haven't answered my question. Am I a monster to you?"  
>"What does it even matter."<br>Izaya took a step in his direction.  
>"It matters the world. You will not accept me as a monster. You will not accept me as a human. If you wish to know what my prime motivation is, I believe that I have already given you enough hints as it is."<br>Shizuo headed for the door.  
>"I don't care, Izaya. I just think you're very sad."<br>"Sad? How come?"  
>"Dumb people can be screw ups, idiots don't know any better. But you're smart and more fucked up than this whole city. I suppose…I suppose at times I think you <em>could<em> make an effort to become better. Doubt you ever will. And that's why you're pitiful. Not because you were born a monster but because you have fun at it."  
>Shizuo left without a further word. Izaya had no complaints, he had heard more than he had hoped to. He waited until the steps disappeared completely into silence before he addressed the empty apartment.<br>"Indeed, Shizu-chan. You will not accept me as I am, either a man or as a monster, and that is why I will have to become God and leave you no choice in the matter. Granted, it is wanted all along. But as God you will accept me. I will remain true to my nature and go beyond it. You have the qualifications to become God yourself but you lack the will. And for that I shall become God to you, Heiwajima Shizuo."  
>Izaya smiled. It was not a cunning smile. Instead it was happy and hopeful. Twisted or otherwise, Orihara Izaya's dreams were on a universal scale but driven purely by personal motives that bypassed mere reason. It was a long time until he bothered to bandage his shallow wound. Life was ever so precious.<p>

Mikado was surprised at how Kida seemed to accept their living together. Dinner was cheerful and afterwards they read manga and chatted. At the surface it was a seamless display of friendship but Mikado was not too sure. The suspicion that Kida was trying to get him to lower his defenses made him uneasy but he could not help it anyway. Mikado now fluffed a pillow and smiled uncertainly. Kida stretched and climbed on the bed and lied on side of it, hands folded under his head as he stared at the ceiling. Mikado hesitated before joining him. Something like fear made him stay as distant from Kida as the narrow bed allowed.  
>"Can I turn off the light?"<br>"Go right ahead."  
>Mikado did so. He had the impression that this was going to be yet a long night. Darkness was almost absolute. He was debating whether to break the silence when Kida did that for him.<br>"Those cell phone straps. Why did you keep them?"  
>"We bought them together. I couldn't just throw them away."<br>Kida turned his back to him. He too did not want to at all get close but for different reasons. Kida considered how much of his game he should disclose if any at all.  
>"Mikado, if he- if Izaya decides to hurt you- there's nothing I'll be able to do."<br>"I know. That's okay, I know there's some danger involved-"  
>"Trust me, you don't know. For every day you keep me here Izaya will up whatever punishment he has prepared for you."<br>Kida left out that he too might very well suffer at Izaya's hands. Mikado was silent for a while. Gathering his thoughts.  
>"Kida, I don't mind it terribly if something very bad happens to me. If that's what it takes to make you wake up."<p> 


	61. Chapter 61

"Why do you always have to take the martyr route?"  
>"That's not what I meant. I don't like suffering but I accept that it may come to that. You're the one that seems to enjoy getting hurt. Those marks in your body- those are rope marks. Done on purpose just to hurt you. Even if you tell me you're fine with it-"<br>"Which I am."  
>"-that only makes me even more sure that what I'm doing has to be done. Try putting yourself in my shoes."<br>"Gee. What does that even mean?"  
>Mikado was slightly hurt at the jeering tone.<br>"Imagine you had a best friend- doesn't have to be me- whose partner tied him up and routinely hurt him and led him down a path of-"  
>"'Perdition' is the word you're hunting for."<br>"If you want call it that. If you were in my place would you just let it go because 'love' just makes everything acceptable?"  
>Kida considered this.<br>"It seems that 'friendship' makes you do some pretty insane things too. Like kidnapping. You'll be in a world of trouble when Izaya finds me. Because he will. He always does."  
>Mikado had many things he wanted to say. Such as telling Kida that he too was acting for the sake of love or asking him why he had not brought up the deal with the Yellow Scarves. But something stopped him. Instead he asked something else entirely.<br>"Kida, I know that- that you're in love with him but if you could choose not to be- I mean, if you could let go of those feelings…would you do it?"  
>Mikado omitted the name deliberately.<br>"Weird question. I wish that things were easier but I wouldn't change how I feel for Izaya even if I could. Then again, people can't just decide to change their emotions like that."  
>Mikado would gladly push aside the conflicting longings in his heart for the sake of being a helpful friend. But he knew that Kida had a point in this.<br>"Right. Goodnight, Kida."  
>"Yeah, yeah."<br>Kida fell asleep shortly after. Mikado stayed wide awake. And he was still running the many possible scenarios in his mind when he felt arms looped around him and a warm body brought against his back. Immediately Mikado thought that Kida was attacking. Then he heard a moan close to his ear and felt something hard poking him.  
>"Izaya…"<br>Mikado froze. Kida was sleeping and having a dream of sorts. Mikado did not know what to do, his very occupied mind was now blank. He squirmed a bit in the hopes that Kida would wake up without it becoming too embarrassing. Kida sensed movement and grinded against him, hands sneaking under clothes to cover Mikado's warming skin.  
>"Er, Kida?"<br>Mikado kept his voice low. Almost as if he did not want to be heard. Mikado gritted his teeth and cursed himself. He was becoming aroused. Kida pulled him closer so that Mikado could not even wiggle out. Mikado was already flailing considerably but that became so much worse as Kida rolled him until they were facing each other, the friction between them unhinging Mikado's tumultuous thoughts. Even in the gloom he could make out Kida's face, eyes shut, a look of need on his face. That was the final straw.  
>He got on top of Kida, pressing him down. Kida blinked a few times as he woke up.<br>"Mikado…? What the hell are you doing?"  
>Mild confusion. Mikado caressed his cheek, fingertips barely brushing.<br>"Can you just- try doing it with me? Don't say no, Kida."  
>Mikado made a fist around Kida's erection and tugged at it. Kida jolted as a reflex.<br>"What the fuck? Can't get laid so you're turning to me? Let go of me right _now_."  
>Mikado could not for the life of him obey. He rubbed hard flesh against hard flesh, lust mingling with a deeper desire for intimacy. Mikado tried a kiss but found himself tasting blood as Kida bit him. But there was no stopping possible. Mikado rocked a few more times and then there was a mess covering them both, a mixture of both of their releases.<br>Kida jumped on him, hands locked around his neck.  
>"You- you <em>rapist<em>."  
>Mikado could not even protest. He choked and then he was thrown and landing heavily on the floor with a thud. Kida towered above him, full of menace. For a split second Mikado was sure that Kida was about to hit him and indeed the thought crossed Kida's mind. Instead Kida chuckled. It was a dry sound.<br>"Kida, I didn't mean to-"  
>"So this is the kind of person you really are."<p> 


	62. Chapter 62

Kida dug his fingers and pressed down on Mikado. Rage filled him but did not flare up, instead it triggered the killer instinct that had helped Kida become a first rate gang leader.  
>"Kida-"<br>Mikado's vision grew darker and dim. His hand slipped on Kida's cheek and left a wet trail. And then air was rushing back into his lungs and Mikado was spluttering for breath on the floor.  
>"You're a coward. Hiding behind others, attacking me when I least expect- and <em>humiliating<em> me like this. Fucking coward."  
>Mikado hardly noticed the splatter of spit. It accompanied the scorn in Kida's words.<br>"Didn't mean- it like that- Kida-"  
>"Shut the fuck up. Get out of here right now, Mikado. Or I swear I will not answer for my actions."<br>Mikado knew that Kida meant it. For Kida was not speaking out of immediate anger but there was a kind of calculation to this. Perhaps it was Kida's way of snatching the act of hatching plans, playing on Mikado's lack of self-control to turn the tables around. Since the grounds on which their stakes rested were of an emotional nature, it did not matter that this was Mikado's territory and that he had an almost all powerful person (as he viewed Celty) on the floor above.  
>Mikado left the apartment, aimlessly putting some clothes on and found himself standing in front of the dusty place where Shizuo had led him to. He knocked on the door, half expecting not to find anyone or to be kicked to the curb by whoever answered him. Shizuo opened the door and stood on the threshold smoking without a comment.<br>"I didn't know where else to go. Can you please let me stay here? I've got money."  
>Mikado spoke with his eyes on the floor. Shizuo finished his cigarette.<br>"I'm going home now. You can tag along, I don't really care."  
>Throughout the trip Mikado did not even once lift his eyes. Shizuo let him into a cramped but considerably normal apartment. Mikado stood in the middle of the living room as Shizuo got a can of beer from the fridge and sat on a formless sofa sipping.<br>"Kid, the one thing you got going for you is that you look people in the eyes. Don't go giving up on that now. And sit, you're not on detention. Looks like you only need to hold two buckets."  
>Mikado slumped on a chair. Shizuo tossed him a can of tea and broke the silence.<br>"Guess you screwed up royally, huh. With Yellow Scarf?"  
>A nod.<br>"Shit. I'm not your babysitter, you know."  
>Mikado nodded again.<br>"I just did something- awful. I can't take it back and- I don't know how to correct it. What should I do? You're not like most adults, you listen."  
>Shizuo lit another cigarette. The scent of tobacco was ingrained in the surroundings but Mikado did not find it offensive.<br>"No clue how to fix your mess, kid. But one thing I can tell you. If you fuck up, you have to get right back on your feet and keep moving. Or you're dead meat."  
>Mikado smiled wanly. It was a very poor attempt.<br>"Heiwajima-san, can I have some beer, please? I think that tonight I'll need some."  
>Shizuo was already offering a can. Mikado found the bitter liquid distasteful all over again.<p>

It always ruined Celty's day. But today it was particularly horrible.  
>"Hello. How are you this fine day?"<br>Izaya sat astride on her motorcycle, casually enough. She typed rapidly.  
>"'Get out of my vehicle right now.'"<br>He obeyed with one of those thin smiles firmly aimed at her. Celty shivered despite herself. More than once she had wondered if Orihara Izaya was not some species of creepy alien. A supernatural being or not, Celty found him deeply frightening in a way that Shinra did not really understand. To Shinra Izaya was an amusing if a bit freaky childhood friend, to Celty Izaya was a scary entity that made her skin crawl in a visceral way.  
>"I'll be brief. I believe that Ryugamine-san asked you to 'look after' something that just so happens to belong to me. And you'll be giving me back Masaomi."<br>"'I have no clue of what you're talking about.'"  
>She hated how he was one step ahead in all things. Perhaps Izaya was a demon and his sources were in fact evil spirits. Celty did not completely discount the possibility. Izaya put his hands into his pockets.<br>"I am offering you a trade. You give me back what is mine and I will give you what is yours. And yes, I do mean…your head."


	63. Chapter 63

Celty jumped despite herself. Her fingers trembled as she typed.  
>"'How do I know that you're not lying?'"<br>Izaya presented his cell phone screen where a picture of where he held her head could be seen.  
>"Now, this could be a fake, of course. The question is…are you willing to take the chance. I'll let you decide for yourself. Make sure you give it some thought but do hurry. This city may end up in flames if Masaomi does not accomplish a few pending matters of his. Bye now."<br>Izaya was already walking away, waving a hand in the air. Celty shivered. Izaya had implied much in this surprising demand of his, making it so as to be impossible for her to confide in Shinra. Izaya did so without making a fuss or even alluding to it. It was simply that he knew how to not so much place wedges between people as to add stress to already incumbent obstacles. It occurred to Celty that it did not even matter if she did tell Shinra, Izaya was bound to have predicted the possibility and found it satisfactory. Almost as if the result was rigged beforehand to suit Izaya's goal.  
>Humans could be the scariest creatures.<p>

Mikado was deep in thought as he left school. He was in something of a daze, conflicted emotions pulling at him from different directions. Mikado was distracted. So much so that he almost missed Anri's figure as she crossed at a distance and disappeared into the darkness of a narrow alley. Alarm bells were already ringing inside, his memory of the danger that lurked in such places very fresh. He ran after her.  
>"Sonohara-san, you shouldn't be here. It's dangerous."<br>She stood with her back to him as if staring at something that Mikado could not see. His worry increased. He knew how prone she was to becoming a target for bullies. Mikado tapped her on the shoulder, a liberty he would not have taken if he was not this concerned.  
>"Sonohara-san…?"<br>He realized that something was wrong but a bit too late. The girl spun around and immediately there was a blade poised against his throat. Tiny fangs glimmered.  
>"Ah, can't tell girls apart very well now can you? It was worth stealing a uniform and all. It's the glasses, isn't it? So much for 'character type'."<br>Mikado recognized her now. Even with the wig.  
>"You're Orihara Mairu."<br>"Correct! And you're the boring one. What was his name again?"  
>A quiet voice answered behind Mikado.<br>"Ryugamine Mikado-san."  
>Kururi stepped from a shadow.<br>"Who cares anyway. You really don't look too impressive. Where's our little brother?"  
>Mikado blinked.<br>"How should I know about your family?"  
>Mairu giggled and twirled the blade in the air.<br>"Aren't you funny."  
>Kururi was now closer. Her typical blankness was banished, instead she stood firm albeit quietly.<br>"Ryugamine-san, please return Masaomi to us. I can pay you a ransom if you demand one."  
>He expected a threat but he was taken aback by the very formal bow that followed and the fan of bills extended in his direction. Mairu giggled.<br>"Tsk, foolish sister of mine. She might just offer to blow you, you know. Ku-ru-ri! Seems like you've got a thing for Masaomi."  
>Mikado could not forget the blade even if Mairu seemed to have done so herself. He needed to find out if these two odd girls were acting on Izaya's orders of freelancers of sorts. Mairu carried on.<br>"Besides, you wouldn't be giving him money if you knew that this guy is not exactly 'best friend' material as much as he is 'stalker in the making' stuff. Takes one to know one."  
>Mairu smiled as she produced her cell phone and went through several pictures, chatting amicably enough as she did so. The light from the screen bounced off the lenses and Mikado had the very creepy feeling that he was dealing with a female version of Izaya.<br>"See, here's Ryu whatever giving Masaomi some rather dubious looks, here he is clearly checking him out and in this one the bitch is in the way."  
>Mairu made it so that Mikado too could see the slide presentation of photographs of himself, Kida and Anri. He suddenly felt weak at the knees.<br>"You've been spying on us…?"  
>"Not 'us', I don't care about you or the chick. It's just difficult to track down Masaomi on his own but I still managed to get an entire gallery of solo shots of him."<p> 


	64. Chapter 64

"Did Izaya set you up to do this?"  
>Mikado was suddenly chilled to the bone and far too freaked out not to ask overtly. Mairu burst out laughing, the wig falling to the ground so that her pigtails swept gently in the air as her entire body shook.<br>"So not. I'm just a fan. A very devoted fan. Now, Ryu…whatever-your-name-is, I don't suppose you've been doing naughty things to my sweet little brother?"  
>"Kida is not your brother."<br>Mairu's smile grew wider. Kururi chimed in.  
>"According to the civil government of the state of Japan-"<br>"Yeah, yeah. I've heard all that before. And I see you're not denying it…Ryugamine-san."  
>Mikado was set on ignoring her taunts. What was important here was that Izaya's faction (as Mikado immediately termed them) must be flailing at least to some degree if these two were dispatched to force information as to Kida's whereabouts from him.<br>"Fan? Kida has many of those. Just what kind of 'fan' stalks their idol?"  
>Mairu waved the phone, very much like she was eager to answer some question in class. The glasses cast a strange illusion of a studious girl, neatly subverting the cliché.<br>"I do! I do! It's my hobby. Other hobbies include collecting sharp objects and making people like you shit their pants."  
>Mikado believed her on both accounts.<br>"Why are you so interested in Kida anyway?"  
>Mairu skipped around him, hands behind her back, leaning forward teasingly.<br>"One, because he's my all time favorite gang leader. Two, because it is fun to mess with him. And three, because I want to gobble him up. He does some amazing things with his tongue. Ask Kururi about it."  
>Being directly mentioned made Kururi step into the scene again.<br>"We would like to know why you took Masaomi-kun from us. He is happy with us. I am sure."  
>Mikado had a feeling that she did not even see anything wrong in Kida and Izaya's distorted relationship. Something seemed off with this twin, not so much in twisting reality to fit some warped concept as Izaya and apparently Mairu did but more in a clueless non-acknowledgment of normality. And it seemed that Mairu too agreed to this because she now tsked and added,<br>"Kururi, do use your brain for once. I'm sorry, my sister got the boobs while I got the smarts. That's justice and genetics for you. But really, think about it. Why would anyone kidnap a cute boy like Masaomi and not demand a ransom even if he's poorer than most hobos? Easy to see. That kind of kidnapping can only mean bondage, trippy stuff, toys, probably cameras all around, gags, the whole lot. 'Best friend' has been jumping Kida's bones all this time. I bet-"  
>"That is a ridiculous lie."<br>Mikado could tell that Mairu was trying to rattle him. And unfortunately it was succeeding. Mairu rolled her eyes.  
>"Yeah, right. I can't <em>stand<em> you fake goody good shoes type. Bet you're even a class rep and all. Which means you don't hit girls. At least not officially. I could pluck out an eye and see how that goes. Which reminds me, Onii-chan likes to go on about the bible. How does it go again, Kururi? She keeps track of nii-chan's sayings."  
>And indeed Kururi recited,<br>"'And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.'"  
>Mairu's blade was back, sharp and playful.<br>"Great pearl of wisdom, huh? But you'll do fine with just an eye, I think."  
>Mikado took a step backwards. He wondered if Mairu was indeed acting on her own and if so if her intentions were not so much to find Masaomi as to torment him. After all, according to herself it was enjoyable to mistreat others. Kururi stepped in between them.<br>"Ryugamine-san, I will never forgive you if you hurt Masaomi-kun. He is important to us. We are family. We do not want him to come to harm."  
>To Mikado's surprise there were tears brimming Kururi's eyes, the odd color making it seem as if she was about to bleed.<br>"What are you saying? It's your brother who's been treating Kida like he's his property. I'm the one that has his best interests in mind. I don't know what's wrong with you people but you got a lot of nerve to say to my face that _I_'m exploiting him."


	65. Chapter 65

Mikado's hands were balled into fists. He did not even care if the switchblade was still gingerly held and ready to strike. Kururi did not even bat an eyelash.  
>"But Masaomi is Onii-sama's property. Everyone is."<br>Mairu laughed again. It animated her with genuine joy.  
>"Onii-sama! And she means it, too!"<br>Mikado was considering making a run for it if she grew any more volatile but suddenly Mairu switched gears and became solemn in a heartbeat.  
>"You see, I have something of a predicament with some bullies. Masaomi was supposed to take care of that for me. If he isn't around I have to opt for plan b. How about you deal with them instead?"<br>Mikado folded his arms.  
>"Just why should I help you?"<br>Mairu spun around and held Kururi from behind, wrapping arms around her waist and speaking over a shoulder.  
>"They are also mean to Kururi. Isn't that awful? All because they don't approve of our sexual orientation."<br>Mikado was not surprised at these overtones but still disturbed. How much of the sisters' quirks were a result of Izaya's contamination he could not tell but it was not his battle to fight.  
>"Get Izaya to fix that problem."<br>"Heh, Onii-_sama_ is so busy being…well, Orihara Izaya. So you won't do it? You could try talking to them."  
>Mikado narrowed his eyes slightly. He remembered the inside of lockers a bit too well.<br>"That never works."  
>"First intelligent thing you've said so far."<br>Mairu seemed to have reached some inner revelation. She stepped from behind her sister. Her blade was out, slashing the air. It occurred to Mikado that she could throw it at any time. He did not notice the steps on the alley's narrow entryway but Mairu's ears perked up immediately.

Celty paced back and forth. She was torn. Deals with Orihara Izaya always had some catch and even if they did not, he was still not someone she wanted to get anything from. On the other hand, her goal was on the line and she was only doing Mikado a favor anyway. Celty tapped her foot against the floor. She should contact Mikado but she was reluctant to do that. Eventually she decided that talking to this Kida might tell her a few things.  
>She found him sitting very quietly and staring at the door with some intent that she could not quite understand. Celty joined him, her fingers typing rapidly.<br>"'This may seem like a weird question but what's your name?'"  
>Kida studied her. From the cat ears helmet to the nervous way her feet were poised.<br>"Orihara Masaomi."  
>He could tell that she was not expecting this.<br>"'So you're a relative of Izaya's?'"  
>"Something like that. I'm his lover and adopted brother. Is it true that you don't have a head?"<br>Kida switched topics abruptly and on purpose. He was realizing something that Izaya had figured out as well when dealing with Celty: the lack of a face made it difficult to read her accurately so that it was best to rely on body language. The way she jolted right away told him much.  
>"'I am looking for my head. Do you know anything about it?'"<br>Kida saw an angle here. He decided to take a chance.  
>"So you've been walking around without a head? I don't believe you. Show it to me."<br>Celty hesitated. All humans freaked out to varying degrees. But she had the impression that this one might not. Celty removed her helmet and indeed Kida was not very impressed. His eyes merely widened a bit and he sat closer to her.  
>"So you really are the famous headless rider of the legend."<br>Kida wondered how her body worked. He was very alert.  
>"'About my head, does Izaya have it?'"<br>He could see just how much the question meant to her. The black spurt of matter that spewed from her neck intensified. Kida was silent for a while. Then:  
>"Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't."<br>"'Do you know anything about it? Anything at all?'"  
>Kida was almost sure that Izaya had told her something to that effect. But he was not at all sure what he was supposed to say. At such times the truth could be better than bluffing.<br>"Even if I did, I would not divulge that information without Izaya's consent."  
>"'Ah, right. I see.'"<br>Kida tried another approach. This weird creature was surprisingly civil and normal and even more so because of the supernatural aspect.  
>"What are you going to do next? Torture? You have that scythe lying around somewhere, right?"<p> 


	66. Chapter 66

Celty jolted again. She had some difficulty believing that this boy was Mikado's friend. There was a certain calculation here that she found upsetting.  
>"'Torture? Of course I wouldn't do that.'"<br>"Oh? Really now. You may not want your head back all that much, then."  
>She hesitated before typing a reply.<br>"'Of course I want it. But I won't hurt you to get it.'"  
>Kida smiled.<br>"Ah. Strange thing coming from a monster like you."  
>Celty nearly dropped the PDA.<br>"'You don't have to put it like that. I mean, just because-'"  
>"Say, are you immortal?"<br>Again Kida shifted the course of the conversation.  
>"'I don't know. Possibly.'"<br>Celty now had Kida's undiluted attention. Suddenly all the pieces fell into place. He discerned Izaya's plan in a glimpse and adrenalin pumped into him.  
>"How does that feel? To maybe live forever?"<br>"'I can't say, I don't think too much about it.'"  
>Kida thought this absolutely absurd.<br>"Why do you want your head back?"  
>"'Because of memories that are inside it.'"<br>He grew silent.  
>"Memories, huh. We are also a product of our past. I guess that applies to fairy tale creatures as well."<br>Kida knew that he was so hopelessly in love with Izaya because of an inner darkness that had always been there. It was the same obscurity of the heart that had made him form a gang and to rule over so many people with an iron grip.  
>"'Something like that, yes.'"<br>"Good luck with that. Can't say that I'll be of much help to you. I wonder just what Mikado told you about me."  
>Celty's idea of this strange boy had changed. She could see that he was broken and she nearly hugged him to piece him back together. There was vulnerability just underneath the twisted coldness that confronted her and both of these were at odds with the Kida Masaomi she had seen wandering about Ikebukuro. She was reminded anew that humans were very complicated.<br>"'That you were best friends and that you needed some time off.'"  
>Kida laughed.<br>"Best friends, huh."  
>Celty was beginning to share Mikado's need to rescue Kida. So much so that she strayed from her topic of interest.<br>"'Can I ask you, why do you follow Izaya?'"  
>"I am getting tired of being asked that but if you must know…there is no reason. Why should anyone need a reason to love someone?"<br>Kida would never tell her about how Izaya fully understood him and could read his very soul with a single glance, how he had no need for masks when Izaya drew him into that sleek net of complicities. The blackness flared from her neck with redoubled force.  
>"'You have a point there. I suppose there is no reason…love is just like that.'"<br>To her absolute surprise Kida bounced on the sofa and laughed without reservations.  
>"Ah, should we now ride into the sunset together! But no, society would never approve! But I am so taken by your lack of deep eyes into which I can peer and lose myself!"<br>Celty had to recalibrate her thoughts about Kida. She left without a shred of information but despite everything feeling a bit happier for the amusing bit at the end of their conversation because it told her that this was indeed Mikado's best friend.

"If you girls need some help you should ask me."  
>Shizuo lit a cigarette and waited for Mairu to retrieve the blade and skip in his direction.<br>"Shizu-_chan_. You're offering to take out some evil bullies?"  
>"Good afternoon, Heiwajima-san."<br>The sisters closed in on him and away from Mikado who blinked at the scene. Mairu was within touching range of Shizuo while Kururi kept a distance.  
>"I'll have a chat with them."<br>Shizuo turned as if to leave and Mikado took the cue and stayed put. The sisters were very short as they walked side by side of the very tall man. Shizuo was used to handling them. How much of their warped personalities was a contamination of Izaya he did not know but he entertained them whenever the chance presented itself. In Mairu Shizuo saw a kind of occasionally harmless teasing and in Kururi a quiet resolve, all of these reflections of Izaya.  
>He knew that this was why he both liked and felt so sorry for them. Shizuo had given up on trying to fix them but he did keep something of an watchful eye over them.<p> 


	67. Chapter 67

Izaya had tried to freak him out by sending him Kururi's blood and semen stained panties from when she lost her virginity to her brother. It had worked and earned Izaya a broken arm. Since then Shizuo had been protective of the girls, wondering if he would even care for them if not for Izaya. But the point was moot. For good or worse Kururi and Mairu were who they were because they were Izaya's sisters.  
>Mairu looked behind as they left the alley.<br>"We'll keep in touch, Ryugamine-san."  
>They disappeared around a corner and Mikado swiftly made his way out from the other end of the alley. He made his way through menacing crowds of Yellow Scarves that he avoided as much as possible. Fortunately they were too engaged in clustering in dark areas, discussing something with great heat, to even notice him. Mikado was dreading facing Kida again but he could not put it off any longer. And he had some idea of what he should do.<br>Mikado was careful as he entered the basement. Kida did not ambush him as he half expected but was instead reading a schoolbook and taking notes.  
>"Kida-kun, I will let you out of this place."<br>Very slowly Kida put down the book.  
>"It's about time. The catch? Because there is one."<br>Mikado nodded.  
>"On one condition. You'll take me with you to the meeting with the gang."<br>Kida blinked.  
>"What for?"<br>"Because I want to be there."  
>"I'll think about it."<br>"Good."  
>Kida pretended to read some. In truth he was trying to read Mikado. The silence that fell was strained and it remained unbroken until it was time for bed. At which point Kida glowered, his curbed anger flaring up momentarily. Mikado placed his futon as far apart from Kida's bed as he possibly could. Kida made no comment but seemed satisfied enough since he turned on his side and closed his eyes. Mikado did not turn off the light. He kept on, deliberately so. No longer taking the cover of darkness as an excuse for anything. Mikado was sure that Kida was awake.<br>"I have something to tell you. You'll probably hate me for it but then again it seems you already hate me enough as it is. You called me a coward last night and maybe you were right about that in a way. But you never trusted me enough to find out anyway. You just assumed I'd look down on you and that I'd 'never understand'. Maybe I wouldn't, I can't say. But I would have listened and tried to help you. You never gave me a chance. Part of the reason why things are the way they are between us is because- you never gave me a chance."  
>Kida chose not to answer.<p>

Izaya sat on his swivel chair and played with a soft hair of the disembodied head that stood on his desk. He hummed a toneless melody and cast occasional glances at a laptop that was vaguely eerie in the way its bluish light washed over the pretty features of this head that seemed asleep. His chin was propped on a hand, elbow firmly planted on the desk, and he smiled as if his own thoughts were an endless source of amusement. Which they were.  
>He eased back and picked up the head with both hands. He held the key to divinity. Or in more practical terms he was in possession of the means to grasp divinity. Normally Izaya kept it in a special safe but tonight he wanted to indulge in some musings that were made so much delectable by its presence. This was not an object of worship but simply a way of obtaining what he wanted. As such Izaya was clinical in his study of the closed eyes, fine nose and slightly rosy lips.<br>He imagined that it was a sphinx about to impart him with some solemn enigma that was a personal revelation meant for him alone. The idea pleased him. Izaya pictured those eyes fluttering open and that endless silence finally shattering as it spoke words to obey his will. The will of god. Izaya traced the forehead. The touch of skin was not cold but warm and uncanny. Alive. Alive only to be Orihara Izaya's tool.


	68. Chapter 68

He approached the panoramic window and placed the head facing the city bustle. In the reflection the face was glassy and otherworldly. Izaya contemplated the silhouette of buildings drawn in light against the black night and wondered what his eyes would see once they opened to become the eyes of god. Would he perhaps see through walls or would his vision grow intuitive to the point of unraveling the hidden thoughts of man.  
>After all, he knew that no matter what riddle any fantastic creature had to offer, it could not match the shifting riddle that was humanity. The humanity upon which he trampled. To stand above all others.<br>The world was structured as a pyramid and to be undisputed at its apex was his vocation. His love for mankind was not so much an abstraction as much as a utilitarian take on those that just happened to exist for his convenience. Without people to reign over and to serve as stepping stones Izaya could not be god.  
>He resumed his vague melody, singing to no one.<p>

Izaya made two calls. One to request Celty's services without revealing his name and another to the landlord of one of his many buildings to inform him that one of the apartments had burnt down and thus there was a pressing need to get the current occupant onto the premises to assess the damage. He then waited for the pieces to move on the board as they must. And then he made his way to a certain basement, easily picked some locks along the way, dropped something on a table with a succinct message attached and walked down a flight of stairs.  
>"Masaomi, come out come out wherever you are! Your owner is here to pick you up."<br>Kida was not even surprised when the door swung on its hinges and Izaya stood on the threshold smiling broadly. His heart did skip a beat though. Kida was on his feet immediately and his first words were on point.  
>"You have the monster's head."<br>"Ah, so much for a romantic reunion. We are leaving. Unless you've grown attached to this place?"  
>The undertow of mockery was biting.<br>"No. I was kept here against my will."  
>"That much I had gathered. Question, do you want to leave Ryugamine-san some message? You have time to write down something."<br>"He took my switchblade. I want it back."  
>Izaya chuckled.<br>"I can get you a new one. You may want to leave him this."  
>Kida took a Yellow Scarf from Izaya and placed it in the middle of the room. It was fitting. On the upper floor Kida spotted something that he did not at all expect.<br>"You need that, Izaya- why is it here?"  
>"Trust me. I know what I am doing. I always do. With that said, the stage will soon be yours. And I can hardly wait to see just what you do with it. It's time you finally put to use all the power you've been gathering."<br>Kida followed him to the sports car that was parked just around the bend. Izaya drove fast and Kida was in a somber mood, already anticipating what he needed to do.  
>"Masaomi, I have many questions for you. But first and foremost, did Ryugamine-san touch you in any way, shape of form?"<br>"I'll make him _pay_ for that."  
>"Ah. I'll leave it at that, then."<br>Kida was too caught up in his anger to take notice of the expression on Izaya's face. If he had paid attention he would have seen pure and unadulterated joy therein.

Kida sought refuge in the comfort of the leather sofa. Izaya let him sit in silence and only softly patted his head, running fingers through his hair. It was a soothing caress.  
>"I could be wrong about this but I am quite sure that you can physically outmatch Ryugamine-san. So why didn't you?"<br>"It wouldn't have worked. Even if I beat him up there was still the headless thing."  
>"Indeed. I must say, I am somewhat angry at you. For disappearing as you did."<br>Kida pulled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them.  
>"I'm sorry. I won't fail you, I know what to do now."<br>"Wonderful."  
>Kida crawled until his body was touching Izaya's.<br>"I- the month isn't done yet and I know that getting captured is unacceptable but-"  
>"Why did you get captured, though? Or how."<br>Izaya brushed aside the overture into intimacy on Kida's part.  
>"I let my guard down with Mikado."<br>"Hmm…so it was your fault, wasn't it? After all, Ryugamine-san wants to fuck you. He wants it really bad. Surely you knew this. Neh?"


	69. Chapter 69

Kida shivered. Izaya's choice of words was crass and deliberate as was the childish linguistic quirk that he seemed to have temporarily borrowed from his sister.  
>"He just wanted to humiliate me."<br>"For a kidnapping it seems that you were treated rather well. So well, in fact, that it felt more like an extended sleepover than anything else."  
>Kida disentangled himself from the loose embrace and looked Izaya in the eye.<br>"Mikado kidnapped me. It was careless of me but I was kept against my will."  
>"'Careless' is something of an understatement, wouldn't you say? I did some information gathering from your gang and it seems that you just happened to save a certain Raira boy from a sticky situation. Do tell me, Masaomi, why you did so."<br>The tone was cordial. Thoroughly civil. Kida was not at all fooled.  
>"It's their orders, to leave civilians alone. It didn't matter if it was Mikado or not-"<br>"Oh really? Now why don't I exactly believe that."  
>Apprehension kicked up a notch. Kida had to be at his most resolute.<br>"I was disciplining unruly members. They had it coming for disobeying my rules-"  
>"Makes you really wonder what I will do to you next, doesn't it? But before that, do tell me how the leader of Dollars, indubitably a force to be reckoned with, at all qualifies as a 'civilian' as you put it."<br>Kida forced himself not to let fear creep into his thoughts and throw them into disarray.  
>"Dollars aren't concerned with territorial disputes so they're not in direct competition on the streets."<br>Izaya giggled.  
>"And? There's far more to wielding power in this city than simply occupying a few blocks. I'd forgive an average gang leader for that naivety but not you."<br>Kida licked his lips nervously.  
>"Izaya-"<br>"Do you want to hear what I think? I think that when you look at Mikado, you see the helpless boy that bullies target, who gets his lunch stolen and who is a sweet boy at heart and trying to do what he believes is for the best. Even if he happens to be missing the point – and we agree he does that a lot – you believe that there is no way Mikado would cause anyone harm on purpose. That is what you see in him instead of the crafty leader he actually is. And for that reason you saved him from those terrible goons."  
>There was always something when Izaya shifted denominations. He switched to first name with a clear intent and that was to articulate Kida's thoughts for Kida himself.<br>"I can handle Mikado."  
>"I know. But apparently you are rather unwilling to do so. I figured out where Mikado was staying easily but I took some time to retrieve you because I did not think he would actually keep you in the same place."<br>It was a half lie. Kida was too busy thinking of a proper reply to even consider the validity of Izaya's statement.  
>"Mikado had some agenda, that much I concede. He wanted to go to the meeting with the gang. And he might know about the head, too."<br>Izaya produced his switchblade, it took all that Kida had not to flinch. Izaya calmly worked the blade to manicure his nails.  
>"No changing the subject, Masaomi. This isn't about gangs or plots. It's about you and Mikado. Got it?"<br>Kida nodded.  
>"I understand."<br>"Of course you do. You're a smart boy. Very smart. Too smart. Far too smart not to have realized by now that Mikado is an issue. A troublesome issue."  
>Kida shifted uncomfortably.<br>"If- if you order me to take him down then-"  
>"We've covered this before. But you see, ordering you around is simply no fun for me. And never forget, all I do is for my own enjoyment."<br>Kida bit his lower lip.  
>"I miscalculated his character. I didn't think that Mikado would-"<br>"-would want to fuck you? I could tell the moment I laid eyes on him. Now, what is the most grievous error you can possibly commit? I'll make it easy for you and tell you. It is to not grasp reality. And reality is, Mikado borrowed your strength when he needed it, wormed his way into gaining your confidence and all along he has been planning to jump on you. That is the truth. Once you know this…his conduct suddenly makes so much sense, doesn't it?"  
>Izaya inspected his by now very neat nails.<p> 


	70. Chapter 70

Kida hesitated before this insight that Izaya offered as fact. Izaya took the opportunity to carry on.  
>"In fact, I would say that you can't possess a full understanding of a person's deeds until you know what motivated them. For example, should I see the fact that you did not kill Mikado as a wonderful presence of mind on your part, since he does have a formidable alley in the headless rider? Or should I see it as your being lenient on Mikado? Do enlighten me."<br>Kida flailed for an answer.  
>"It's true that I didn't want to kill him but still- I almost did."<br>Izaya produced a new switchblade and used it to slowly peel an apple.  
>"There is also a third option, that you were too needy that you didn't mind just who touched you."<br>The casualness with which Izaya mused about this was more painful than blades to the skin. Kida fumbled through a haze of sorts.  
>"I am absolutely faithful to you."<br>"Ah. After all, you do belong to me. Is it so because god says it or is it so because you yourself wills it? I'll let you be the judge of that."  
>Kida closed and opened his clammy hands.<br>"It's both- I think."  
>"Hmm…have you ever heard about Epicurus? Being the concerned adult I am, I shall take this chance to educate you. He came up with some interesting ideas about God. Ultimately to claim that such a thing as 'god' is not relevant but let us focus on this: is something good because god says so or is it so because god recognizes it and hands it out to man? Take your time to think about it."<br>Izaya took a bite from the apple. Kida was forced to bring his mental resources into play when he wanted to launch into some emotional plea, the efficiency of which he knew beforehand to be flawed.  
>"I think that it's the second option. God knows what is right because He is God. So when he says it we can see it as the truth that was there all along."<br>"Is that your final answer?"  
>Kida nodded somberly.<br>"Yes, that's how I see it."  
>For a while Izaya ate his apple.<br>"You just admitted two things. One, there is something above God, namely, 'the truth'. And two, God does not lie."  
>Kida was on the edge of the seat.<br>"So if God would lie then he could know what is true and not say it. So God saying something in itself would not mean anything?"  
>Kida trailed off.<br>"That was the implication, yes."  
>"I can understand that but why would that mean that there is something above God?"<br>"If 'the truth' is simply apprehended by God and not created by Him then He is subject to it and therefore inferior."  
>The meanderings of this conversation bifurcated at every point. Kida was not precisely sure how they could be tracked back to the pressing reality all around him.<br>"I suppose."  
>"'What does any of this have to do with anything?', you'll now ask."<br>Kida's smile was slow and far too jaded for his short years.  
>"I can't say that I see the connection."<br>"Let us say that I am God that deals in knowledge. Why do you think that I am an informant? To learn how the world works, learn its shape, structure, laws. That is vital in grasping reality and dominating it. With that said, which do you think is more powerful? Mikado's Dollars or your Yellow Scarves?"  
>The transition was sudden but this was a subject on which Kida was familiar and he easily slid into the mechanisms of leadership.<br>"It depends. In terms of actual physical force my gang is greater. Make it a street brawl and even outnumbered my gang would win. They know the city inside out and they are used to working as a team. But in terms of overall influence and versatility Dollars have the upper hand."  
>"Why is that?"<br>Izaya handed him the remains of the apple on which Kida nibbled.  
>"Dollars are individuals and act as such. That makes them unpredictable. It also means that they don't really need Mikado at all. Their anonymity makes them a different kind of gang altogether. The Yellow Scarves are my tool and more of a herd than anything else. They cannot function properly without a leader. They thrive on being identified immediately by wearing their colors."<br>Izaya picked another apple, a green on this time, and bit it, fangs digging into the fresh fruit.  
>"Mikado is not a civilian at all and you know it. It's so not because I say it, it is so because it's the truth and that, ultimately, trumps all else "<p> 


	71. Chapter 71

Mikado stared at his charred apartment without even being surprised. The walls were black and the small division was thoroughly burnt while the rest of the apartment complex remained spotless and on several stages of a massive makeover. It was obviously arson. Mikado hardly listened to the fake explanations from the landlord. He was not surprised at it nor was he surprised at finding Kida gone when he returned. But he did not expect to find a head on the table and Celty trembling next to it, black bursts of what he perceived as her essence spouting madly at random intervals.  
>"Celty…? Is that- is that your head?"<br>It took a lot of time for her to communicate properly because her fingers kept shaking as she tried to punch the keys.  
>"'No! It's some else's head, a human head- Izaya's idea of a joke is just, sick! Did he kill someone just to do this?'"<br>Mikado wondered as well. Celty could not possibly express the horror she had felt upon finding this replica, the premonition of dread that froze her to the floor, how for all her powers she was utterly powerless. No amount of frantic typing could convey it. Realization had hit just as hard. Celty had not even picked it up, her own face mocked her with the most placid of expressions, and she now attacked the PDA with all her might.  
>"'Izaya- I knew he wasn't human. He's a demon! How can he have been Shinra's friend, or Shizuo's, or Kida's- whatever!'"<br>Mikado studied the head, coolly.  
>"Kida is too sick to know any better. Celty-san, can I ask for your cooperation in ridding the world of a demon?"<br>"'What do you want me to do?'"  
>Her hands were steadier now.<br>"I have a few ideas. Please listen to me."

Kida took in Izaya's reasoning with all its harsh conclusions that he now saw were undeniable.  
>"I have a plan. For my gang, it'll solve a few things."<br>Izaya hushed him by placing the apple scented blade to Kida's lips.  
>"Shh, don't tell me. I want to see it with my own eyes and know just how right I was all along about every single thing. Because that is what makes me your God. Now, for your punishment. I could hurt you but I doubt that would make much of a difference at this point. So instead I should just make a call to Mairu and tell her to go right ahead and throw Anri in front of a bus?"<br>Izaya withdrew the knife.  
>"She has nothing to do with this-"<br>"'Everyone is connected'. I'm sure you've heard it a few times. Ah, but you hate cliché phrases, don't you? 'They're just stock words that don't mean a thing'. But at times there is more to them than just that. That's human nature, each of us is something of a bead arranged on a string. You pull at one and the rest must follow."  
>Izaya resumed eating the apple.<br>"You wouldn't win anything by hurting Anri."  
>"Actually, that's not true. First, it would make you sad would it not? And that is what I am aiming for since this is about delivering punishment. And second, Mairu would rejoice. Needless to say I am an excellent older brother and hope to see my sisters very happy."<br>Kida shifted uncomfortably.  
>"And you dangle that string from above."<br>"That may very well be. So should I be kind to Anri-chan?"  
>Kida knew that answering directly would make matters worse.<br>"I was the one that failed you, so you should punish me and me alone."  
>Izaya eased back and stretched. Not acknowledging Kida's resolve.<br>"Ah, always so serious, Masaomi. Just whatever happened to you? I thought you'd make me laugh with your bubbly ways. Instead you sit there and sulk. Tch."  
>Kida took an apple and held it with both hands.<br>"I can't play 'Kida-kun' anymore."  
>Suddenly, something like grief struck Kida anew. He felt close to tears.<br>"But you don't need to worry too much. I'll leave Anri alone. Your punishment will be much simpler but perhaps almost as painful to you."  
>"What is it?"<br>Kida envisioned many possibilities. Some sort of sex based torture that would demolish him completely. Izaya smiled a calm and soft smile. The kind that gave him that deceptively angelic look with which Izaya could charm the world.  
>"Your punishment is a piece of truth. And that is, that you are rather pathetic. 'No one can understand me', isn't that ever so sad. Forgive me if I don't cry at the mere thought of poor Masaomi being ever so misunderstood."<p> 


	72. Chapter 72

Kida lowered his head. There was no anger to Izaya's delivery. He carried on.  
>"You're pathetic. Because you want to be a victim. Few things can be more pathetic than that. Does it hurt to hear me say this?"<br>The thickness in Kida's voice delayed his reply. Allowing for a heavy silence to sink between them.  
>"It hurts, of course- it hurts."<br>Izaya gently forced Kida to face him. It was a peculiar way of exacting command that could only work if the other part was not just willing but eager to submit to it.  
>"It's a different kind of pain than ropes, cuts, and broken bones, is it not?"<br>Kida nodded.  
>"Yes."<br>Kida was laconic out of a sense of inescapable inner pressure. Izaya brushed his lips on Kida's forehead.  
>"I understand how you feel. Anyone can harm your body but it takes someone you love to bring you such suffering with a few remarks."<br>And in Izaya's case there was also a blankness without words. Kida smiled without as much as a hint of joy.  
>"It's strange, I can lead a dangerous group of people but I still break so easily-"<br>"That's one the things that makes you so interesting. You're frail and deadly. Tell me, how do you think your life would be like if you had never found me?"  
>Izaya transferred the onus of acting unto Kida. It was not even a sleight of hand of the mental kind as Izaya used so often to entrap him. As it turned out, Kida had given a lot of thought to this scenario.<br>"I would stay at school, with Mikado and go to class, do club activities, bothering the disciplinary committee, until one day the uselessness of it all would become too much and I'd jump off a roof. Or I'd go back to my gang and probably end up upping the level of violence until I got killed in some street brawl."  
>Izaya ran his fingers through Kida's hair that was soft as a child's.<br>"Does that mean I saved your life?"  
>"In a way. To an outsider I know that our relationship seems to do me no good but I know that in its own way it did save me."<br>"Ah. I feel heroic now. But yes, if child services or your parents were to find out they would cry bloody murder."  
>Kida smiled weakly.<br>"Oh, my parents wouldn't care. They never did, I don't see why that would change now. They were glad that you adopted me, I bet they wanted someone, anyone, to take responsibility so that they could wash their hands from me."  
>Izaya handed him a lollipop. It was something of a weird joke, the kind that Izaya found highly amusing because in itself it was so harmless but had such dark implications. Such as the fact that Kida was a kid pushing himself into adult affairs with plainly disastrous consequences.<br>"This is the first time you ever spoke of your parents. Very telling. Psychologists say that the people in your life that you don't mention are every bit as important, if not more, than those you do speak of."  
>"Is that why you hardly ever speak of Heiwajima Shizuo?"<br>Izaya was almost surprised.  
>"Aha. That may very well be. I do not like to talk about Shizu-chan. It suffices that I know why he is special to me."<br>Kida's hands turned into fists at his sides.  
>"Are you angry, Masaomi?"<br>"I can't help it. I know that I have to tolerate him. But at times I wish I was more your equal- maybe that's not exactly right, I wish you'd see me as an equal as you see Heiwajima Shizuo."  
>"I regard Mairu as an equal of sorts as well."<br>And with this Izaya deflected the flow of the conversation. Adding more lines to be pursued so that the thread bundled up on itself even as it branched off. It was akin to chess.  
>"Mairu is different. She is insane."<br>Izaya giggled with genuine humor.  
>"Oh my. You are of course right but so am I, in my own way. But love is not at all egalitarian, it perceives flaws very differently according to the person."<br>Kida had an idea of what Izaya meant but he wanted to delve deeper into this because it felt like a solution.  
>"What do you mean?"<p> 


	73. Chapter 73

Kida had popped the lollipop into his mouth, Izaya retrieved it and proceeded to lick the saliva covered candy.  
>"For example, if you heard about an informant who has sex with an underage boy including bondage, gunplay, cutting and routinely exposing him to emotional as well as physical danger and going to the extent of adopting him into a highly dysfunctional family while using the boy's past to employ him in the highly perilous affairs of one of the most volatile cities in the world, if you were given this information in abstract, I am sure your reaction would be along the lines of 'what a horrible man!', but the moment this person becomes 'Orihara Izaya' and the poor captive 'Kida Masaomi', your point of view changes immediately."<br>Kida found himself staring at Izaya and how he sampled the hard candy. It was a sign of his short years that the littlest gestures on Izaya's part were enough to set Kida's desire against his mind that was carried away against all reason.  
>"That's because only I know how I feel and how much you mean to me. And it should be 'Orihara Masaomi'."<br>Izaya had been very deliberate in the name shift, as ever.  
>"This is precisely why you can't know anything without knowing the motivations and emotions that propel people to act."<br>Kida could tell that Izaya was granting him a chance of perhaps climbing in his estimation but he was too caught up watching tongue darting on the sweet candy surface, shiny fangs gleaming slightly. Kida had failed to reach a few important inferences, at least presently, and that meant that Izaya could still wind him up more. Izaya smiled around his lollipop as he picked up the subject again.  
>"When I first had sex with Kururi I sent Shizu-chan some evidence in the shape of blood and semen dirtied panties. I never told anyone this. Put like this, it sounds like I was absolutely dreadful to rape my sweet younger sister. But it says nothing about how she crept into my room, into my bed, and begged me to do it with tears on her eyes. Or how it would have broken her heart for life if I had said 'no'. Ah, but incest is wrong and all that."<br>Kida smiled faintly. Private disclosure on Izaya's part always made Kida happy, it was like grasping a bit of a secret meant only for him.  
>"I can't blame her. If we were related by blood I'd still want to have sex with you."<br>Izaya nibbled on the lollipop. Teasingly.  
>"Yet the law does view me as a molester. As your Mikado has brought to my attention. In fact, I remember something about how he wanted to go to the police to the account of my 'abuse' of you."<br>Normally Kida would rant against Mikado in a not particularly coherent way that was merely his way of venting childish discontent. Now he was calmer despite the growing need to have Izaya pin him down there and then.  
>"That would be dumb of him. There's no direct evidence and I would deny every single thing on the stand. I can lie better than Mikado ever could tell what he sees as true."<br>"Ah."  
>Izaya's near silence was a prompt but it left Kida plenty of room for interpretation without telling anything about incriminating videos. Kida took the cue. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and reopened them full of uncertainty. Placing a hand over an arm, hiding in a nook of the sofa.<br>"'It's- it's Mikado. He's the one that's been doing bad things- to me. I…thought he was my friend but- he tied me up and-"  
>Tears streamed down Kida's cheeks. Izaya clapped.<br>"Bravo. You deserve an Oscar for that. And on a court of law it would look highly convincing. Even I am a bit sorry for Mikado now."  
>Kida sat closer, having cast this mask of betrayed childhood without even realizing that it was not a mere fabrication. Currently he was more interested in the lollipop. Each time Izaya sucked on it Kida was reminded that this kind of indirect kissing was the closest he had been to feeling Izaya in a long time.<br>"I don't think you were ever sorry for anyone."  
>Izaya laughed.<br>"You may be right about that. Do you want the lollipop back?"  
>"Yes, please."<br>Kida shivered despite himself as he got the chance of tasting the vanilla sweetness again. Izaya was very amused.


	74. Chapter 74

"It's a misconception that 'love' is a positive thing in itself. Another of those silly myths that adults fill children's heads with. Like, 'you can be whatever you want to be and accomplish all of the goals you set for yourself!' or 'as long as you try your very best you will succeed'. Of course you know that isn't so at all. After all, no amount of your trying kept Harima Mika from falling. So much for 'your best'."  
>Kida suddenly found the lollipop without taste.<br>"I know that the world isn't that much of a gentle place."  
>"But I wouldn't say that what you did was useless. It was so to her but she isn't particularly relevant yet it meant something to you and that is what matters. This is what one could call 'the essence of love'."<br>Kida was at a loss.  
>"Essence…?"<br>"It sounds trite, yes. But love is a form of election. By the same token you say 'this person is so very important to me' you are also saying 'and thus all other people are meaningless'. Love anyone strongly enough and you must hate others with just the same intensity."  
>Kida considered this.<br>"I never saw things like that."  
>"And now you can't help but see them in this light. 'Once thought it can't be un-thought'?"<br>Kida nodded. He could reach out and touch Izaya at any moment but he could feel that it would not please him. So Kida restrained himself against his wishes. Izaya could tell all this as if Kida had said it, a mere glance sufficed because Kida was transparent to him. It was as if the boy was a glass container through which darkness was all too obviously visible in all its crippling might. Seen through a glass darkly.  
>"Once you say something- and it doesn't even matter what it is, it just seems like it's right. Even when I wish you were wrong."<br>"And when has that happened? Your wanting me to be wrong, that is."  
>"I mean the way you see everything. It's always cruel, in one way or another."<br>"Oh? Are you criticizing me, by any chance?"  
>Izaya lifted an eyebrow. The questioning lilt was interested. Kida shook his head.<br>"Not exactly. But when you show me your perspective it becomes so absolute that I feel powerless to at all change it. It's as if there's nothing I can at all do, not even help you."  
>More than rather abject submission it was this inner conflict that Izaya found worth pursuing.<br>"'No one can understand me' is a self fulfilling prophecy. Take it as a premise and it will become true more likely than not because you'll act on it to assure that no one ever does understand you. But I'm not the kind of god to give heed to prophecies. I'm the god that breaks them. I do understand you. How you've longed for power for ages only to find real strength in abandonment. How sad you truly are."  
>Kida swallowed. He felt stripped to his very soul where structural faults compromised the edifice of his personality.<br>"I'm happy when I'm with you."  
>Izaya very well knew that this was part of Kida's deeper problems.<br>"I make you happy, do I not? When I take care of you, when I fuck you, when I hurt you. Tell you what, Masaomi. I'll ask you to use your imagination for a bit here. Imagine that you were a grownup and I was your age. How do you suppose our relationship would be like?"  
>Kida sucked on the lollipop again. He was drawing a complete blank.<br>"I can't at all imagine that."  
>Izaya got up and returned with a picture that he handed to Kida.<br>"Here, that'll help you picture it a bit better. I was your age when that was taken."  
>Kida scanned it intently. Izaya was smiling, a school uniform half done, standing against a vending machine that made his small size even more patently obvious. Slightly less narrow eyes but the exact same borderline sardonic smile with which young Izaya scorned humanity, the world, the universe. Kida turned the picture on his hands.<br>"You can keep that if you want."  
>"Thank you."<br>Kida kept on comparing this snapshot of the past with the present Izaya. Suddenly he became aware not so much of the age gap between them but of the years that Izaya had spent without him. Vaguely, Kida was aware that this lost time was important.  
>"So? Let us pretend that you are older and one would expect wiser and that I was the kid on that shot. What would you do?"<p> 


	75. Chapter 75

Kida tried to think about it.  
>"I'm not sure but I'd like to share whatever I'd know with you and make your life easier, somehow."<br>The whole idea was too absurd to even be entertained. Izaya had Kida just where he wanted him now.  
>"Would this 'sharing' of yours include having sex with me?"<br>"No, not at all. I couldn't do that if-"  
>Kida caught himself. Izaya bounced.<br>"By your own admission our relationship is harmful. You don't even need outsiders to tell you as much."  
>Kida was startled.<br>"I wouldn't do anything to hurt you because I love you- but it's okay if you hurt me."  
>"The double standard is fascinating here. Care to explain it?"<br>Kida was caught off guard. He wrapped his arms around his knees in a gesture subconscious protection and rocked back and forth slowly.  
>"I can't put it into words. I see that you were right, you look just the same back then as you do now but I could never hurt you."<br>Izaya smiled wickedly. Then brought their foreheads together and placed his arms on Kida's shoulders so that he almost held him. Kida was trembling.  
>"There, there. Don't get too upset."<br>Izaya waited until Kida was calmer and only then did he sit back and let go of him. Physical contact could also be soothing. If not for the comforting that Izaya knew how to offer his control over Kida would not be this complete.  
>"Say, Masaomi. Just a while ago someone asked me how and when I became so, you could say, 'abnormal'. And it got me wondering about you. Did you have a happy childhood?"<br>The completely absent parents were already a clue but Izaya was genuinely curious. Kida finished the lollipop and folded his hands on his lap. He turned his mind back.  
>"There wasn't much to see in my village but I had fun exploring with- with Mikado. For the most part I was happy but there were times, as far as I can remember when I felt strange. I found myself thinking that the world around me should just be destroyed. When I got back home to an empty house or when I stared at the green fields through the classroom's windows. 'I don't belong here, this world should just disappear'. I'd often go to the junkyard on my own and think such things. One day I realized that if you don't belong in one place you should just go somewhere else."<br>"And so you decided to come to Tokyo."  
>Kida nodded.<br>"Yes. I always wanted to see how the city was like but that afternoon it became clear that it wasn't just a dream, it was what I had to do. I was only seeing a tiny part of what the world had to offer so I needed to see what more there was to it."  
>Izaya caressed his cheek. A kind gesture.<br>"Weren't you afraid you'd be lonely?"  
>"My house was already empty back home so I wasn't too bothered."<br>Izaya wondered if Kida realized how telling this was.  
>"I suppose you counted on making friends easily. And somewhere along the line you decided to screw the <em>nakama<em> crap and pull out the big guns, gang style."  
>Kida smiled.<br>"Something like that. I never had many close friends to start with."  
>The one he did have Kida was very unwilling to at all consider.<br>"And now that you've seen more of the world, what do you make of it?"  
>Kida looked Izaya in the eye. He could gather his resolution to meet Izaya.<br>"The world is harsh, it doesn't care for a bit about me. It's without order. I wouldn't serve the god that created the world but the one that can truly change it. Orihara Izaya…"  
>Kida kissed him. Deeply. Forgetting all the technique he had picked up from girls and from Izaya so that his kiss was clumsy. Izaya chuckled.<br>"Your month isn't over yet."  
>"Kissing isn't sex."<br>"I'm offended now. I get a feeling you've said this same line to your many girlfriends. Tsk. Which reminds me, why didn't you ever get in on with any of them?"  
>Kida did not want to talk about it. Not when he was still in a sort of buzz from the kiss that made his lips tingle.<br>"The mood was never right-"  
>"Heh, 'the mood'? Ah, Masaomi. You're a warm-blooded teenager. Sex should be about the only thing in your mind. In your case there are plenty of quirks to that, of course."<br>"When things got more heated up I'd see you- in my mind, and no matter what girl it was she became dull."


	76. Chapter 76

"Flattering. I suppose you can say that you saved yourself for me?"  
>Kida nodded again.<br>"After I am done with the gang, will you do it with me?"  
>"Hmm…sounding a bit pitiful there, I must say. But you've got a deal."<br>"Will you be there? To see what I can do. What I can accomplish."  
>Izaya decided that breaking any further tonight was not very viable.<br>"Of course. Do show me your stage, Masaomi."

It was indeed a stage, Kida realized as he stepped unto the clearing between the bundles of junk where a large group was assembled. All in yellow scarves. Kida had picked this place because a junkyard was undoubtedly fitting. Surrounded by discarded things, both material in human. In the background the river was a slimy dark mass encroaching on them. There was a deadly hush as soon as he stood in the very middle of this stage-like spot. On both of his sides stood Mairu and Kururi.  
>Kida waited in tense silence. Nothing was left to chance. The timing was his. He was at ease in this role. Kida turned his gaze around, establishing direct eye contact with no one with particular but creating the illusion that he saw each and every one. Personally. He wondered just where Izaya was then cast the thought aside. Kida needed to stay absolutely focused.<br>"All of you who have gathered here tonight, I am speaking to you as your leader to tell you that as of now the Yellow Scarves are disbanded as a color gang."  
>The commotion was immediate. Voices bubbled up in the crowd until a member stepped up.<br>"Kida! You can't do this to us!"  
>He waited a while longer. People were shuffling on their feet. Doubting him. Kida walked in a slow circle.<br>"Gangs are limited in what they can achieve. They do not aim high enough. No, we are not a gang anymore. From now on we are an army."  
>Kida produced a gun and released the security in the same move. The hush was one of awe now. He stopped.<br>"Haven't you noticed? How the world is not right. Society spits on us. We won't spit back at it. We are going to clean this city."  
>More murmuring.<br>"You mean like those pansy Dollars are doing?"  
>Kida smiled.<br>"We deal with force. Cleaning graffiti? Acting 'nice'? Bullshit! We're not like Dollars. We'll show Tokyo how things really work. From now on, we'll take out every single gang. We'll beat them up until they beg us for mercy. We'll wipe out crime completely with a fist of iron. And then the world that has so denied you will be forced to say 'We were wrong'. We'll control this city by handing out…justice."  
>Kida deliberately delayed the word so that it would have an extra impact. It worked. He could almost see the mood in the human pack (for they were indeed dogs) changing.<br>"Yeah! We'll kill those Dollars!"  
>"Burn them to the ground!"<br>Kida shot into the air. The suddenness of the bang broke the spell of incoming violence that was beginning to breed.  
>"You will be silent until I am done speaking. Or the next bullet will be on you. Is that understood?"<br>"Yes, Kida."  
>Spoken in unison. Kida was reminded of Izaya's chess board with its pieces dancing to a tune always set by others. He understood now that the most important was not the king but the hand that pushed him from square to square.<br>"Good. We will leave Dollars alone as we will do civilians. We'll crush them by being effective where they fail, by showing power where they display weakness, by acting as a family while they scatter in fear. We have cast away all things and are only accountable to ourselves. Betray me and you betray every single of your brothers. You, you, you, you, you. All of you. All of us."  
>Kida pointed not quite randomly. Not to single out but to perpetuate the illusion of belonging that was what held these rejects together and turned them into a weapon. It was Kida's policy to employ a language that often went over their heads and then translating them into the simplest of terms so that even what they could understand was his decision. Izaya had taught him that manipulating knowledge was to gain dominance.<p> 


	77. Chapter 77

"Anyone that disagrees with this law is free to leave at this point. Give up your colors. Go back to whatever hole you crawled from. To teachers that don't even bother to scold you because they don't give a shit, to parents that are too fucked up to even notice you're gone, to bitches that leech off your money. Leave now, leave your color behind and I assure that no harm will come to you. However if you join a gang afterwards, or Dollars, or if you act in our name you will be shot dead as the stray dog you are."  
>Kida waited, the gun dangling from a finger. Knowing that not a single one would budge. This was what he did best, casting a spell over these many people that were entangled in a web of their own doing. His life was spent under spotlights for that exact reason. Kida waited a bit more. Then,<br>"Very well. Those who remain are my soldiers. You will answer to me. In my absence you will answer to my girls, Kururi and Mairu."  
>Mairu curtseyed and smiled. She was atypically solemn. Her sister was too but it fit her character. They both wore yellow scarves and matching skirts. Kida was taking a chance here in including the twins in his schemes but the moment he decided to up the stakes he was committed to accept the risks that were involved.<br>"We are fighting a war. Disobey me and you'll be judged, expelled and severely punished. Recruiting new members is off limits until further notice. Our first battle will be against the East Ikebukuro gangs. You'll receive the details about the formation and the schedule. Now, gentlemen. The floor is open for questions."  
>Kida allowed himself this bit of irony that he knew would go unnoticed. A pimple covered boy raised a hand.<br>"State your business."  
>"A couple of us guys have been hearing stuff about you and that Fur Fringe guy. Orihara something…so we wanted to know what that was all about."<br>So here was the challenge. Mairu cast him a sharp glance over her glasses.  
>"Orihara Izaya is a free agent. I recognize him as such. He can act as he sees fit."<br>From the top of a tower crane Izaya smiled widely and adjusted his binnacles. He spoke to himself, the wind sending whirlpools of air that flapped his jacket about as if it were dark wings.  
>"My, you are so brave Masaomi. Mairu as your right hand man? I see. Keep your friends close and your potential enemies even closer. Give her enough power and she will not exceed her limits. Heh, you're a wonderful politician on top of everything else."<br>From his vantage point Izaya could see much. He had bugged the place so that he could hear everything as well. He watched Kida impersonate authority in his very person and was highly pleased.  
>Meanwhile, the pimpled pawn wanted further clarification.<br>"'Free agent'? But Kida, you're the one that should rule this city."  
>More voices joined him.<br>"Yeah! You're Tokyo's only leader. That Izaya guy is in the way-"  
>Kida took a step forward and a fearful hush descended upon the crowd.<br>"You are in the presence of Orihara Mairu and Orihara Kururi. That they are fully fledged members of our army means that Orihara Izaya is on my side. Any and all actions taken against him will be the same as acts of betrayal. Do you understand?"  
>A nod.<br>"I get it, I guess. We just don't like it when people say that you're like, his pet or something like that…I didn't say it, it's just word on the street."  
>There was a phenomenon of identification of sorts between the members and the leader of a gang, or army, or whatever label a human pack just happened to have. The leader's image reflected on everyone else so that they lived vicariously. For good and for bad. This dependence also impacted upon the leader who became nothing else than the sum of what the members did. Which was one of the reasons why Kida had reached the conclusion that a sterner approach in which every action had its consequence promptly delivered was the best course to follow. As long as his will was enforced then the machine moved on its tracks as it should.<br>"Do I look to you like I'm anyone's pet? Next time you hear that you can just ignore it."  
>Kida was sure that they would do no such thing. But that was not necessarily bad. He fully expected to have the chance of delivering some exemplary punishment.<p> 


	78. Chapter 78

"'kay. But we've been hearing that he's the leader of Dollars-"  
>"We're just looking after you, Kida. Cuz you're our chief."<br>On his perch Izaya chuckled. Knowledge was the one currency that was distorted the moment it hit the streets. Its very nature was distorting. Kida lifted an eyebrow.  
>"And as your chief I am telling you that Orihara Izaya's role is one of those things that only I can decide on. You don't actually expect to know everything, now do you? There are complications that only I can handle. Precisely because I am your leader."<br>Izaya laughed. Normally praise lured in idiots to serve greater purposes but Kida apparently pursued the alternative route of insulting. He noticed too that Kida did not exactly correct them on who was behind Dollars which Izaya found very clever indeed.  
>"Sure. We won't butt in."<br>Another voice piped up.  
>"There's also the headless rider, what should we do about it?"<br>Kida began to pace around again. For some random reason he remembered his 3rd grade teacher telling him right after a school play how 'Kida-kun, you're a natural actor!'.  
>"The headless rider is some sort of monster. That much is obvious. People should see that right away but they can be dumb. That is why I want you all to tell everyone you know how you saw it kill little children by decapitating them with that scythe. Word spreads like fire. Not even a supernatural monster can go against the twelve million humans in Tokyo. Support whatever negative you hear about it. Soon enough the authorities will come to realize that it is behind violent gangs anyway."<br>A murmur ran through the crowd. Kida was sure that they had missed that he was lying but at the same time this was the closest he had come to revealing the truth. Which meant that he had to cover his bases very fast.  
>"Of course, the 'authorities' are fucked up. We're just using them. Is that understood?"<br>Kida put on his smuggest look.  
>"Yes, sir!"<br>Spoken in unison.  
>"Good. You have your orders. Clean up this city of its scum. Wear your colors only during battle. Keep a low profile on all other situations. Now go out and make Tokyo mine."<br>As the crowd cheered in an ululating shout of sorts Izaya clapped. For the first time in his life he was actually proud of someone. It was an odd feeling. He waited for the ruffians to leave as they presently did in smaller packs. Dispersing back into murky uncertainty. Izaya was faintly disappointed that Mikado had not crashed the ever so endearing reunion between Kida and his gang but he knew that the night was still a child.  
>Mairu's glasses shone dangerously as she leant over Kida.<br>"Say, you really are great at this. Seeing it up close and personal like this is a whole different manner. I am officially in love with you."  
>Kururi touched her shoulder very lightly.<br>"Please do not say that. Masaomi-kun belongs to onii-san."  
>Mairu rolled her eyes.<br>"Oh really? Guess that's to be expected from you. Still, it's a shame that the boring one never showed up. I was revving up for blood."  
>Izaya's smile grew sharper. Mairu was indeed a girl after his own heart but perhaps too much so. Not for the first time he wondered if there would not come a time when he would have to do away with her. Izaya contemplated this option coolly but he could not deny a certain reluctance to think deeply into this further.<br>"You girls ought to leave now."  
>Mairu was prepared to argue but Kururi firmly if gently dragged her away after a formal bow with which she excused herself and towed her sister to the emptiness outside the stage. That was how Kida saw it. He wondered if the girls were walking over the auditorium or the backstage area. This superimposition of meaning to reality made for no fixed landmarks. Instead the distance between objects shifted, changed, eroded and grew depending on a number of variables. It was an image to display the landscape of the heart.<br>Kida waited until he felt the loneliness strongly and totally. As ever, after taking the leadership spot he was reminded of how there was no one truly with him. The lights that reached him looked very dirty to him. For a split moment he wanted to run away. To simply turn his back to this metropolis of horrors, its pleasures and pain and go away to some sort of soothing oblivion.


	79. Chapter 79

It lasted only a heartbeat but it made him realize that he had a headache. Kida rubbed his temples and turned his eyes to the ground. He remembered movies in which dramatic speeches were pivotal points and grimaced. In real life Kida was reminded anew that whatever power he wielded he did so at the cost of continuously fooling his underlings. He was not even bothered by this. It was a simple brute fact with which to deal such as gravity, night and day, reality. All things from which Kida could not hide.  
>He closed his eyes. There would be casualties from the stand he had taken here. Kida was very much aware of this. The weight of responsibility was grim to endure. Blank sorrow followed.<br>Then arms wrapped around him from behind. Kida could feel soft fur and that intangible scent of mint of something else surrounded him. Sharp teeth grazed his neck, not quite biting.  
>"Izaya…"<br>Kida's listlessness lifted immediately and he waited in expectancy. His heartbeat very loud, filled the world and setting the tempo of his excitement.  
>"Your idea of 'disposing' is rather alternative. I like it. I like it a lot. And how should I describe what you just did? For me and for yourself? It was nothing short of epic, Masaomi."<br>Kida shivered. He wanted to see Izaya badly but he could not even quite move. Izaya folded lean hands around Kida's waist. A gentle gesture even as he nipped at an earlobe.  
>"Thank you…I knew that you were watching me."<br>"You were brilliant. Stirring the masses in just the right way. One word too many, one word less, one wrong sentence and they would've torn you to shreds."  
>Kida could have killed for the raspy tone of this beloved voice that spoke to his heart even if only to pierce it.<br>"I did what I do best."  
>"Aye. I work one on one, that is my approach. You can master large crowds of the blood thirsty kind. You are an excellent leader. Surely you must know that leading is your prime vocation."<br>Kida sank into Izaya's wisdom.  
>"I'll lead anyone if it's for your sake."<br>"You'll lead them to their doom?"  
>"Yes."<br>The lack of hesitation pleased Izaya.  
>"I am so proud of my little brother. Tell me again, why do you really need me?"<br>"Because I love you."  
>"Ah…but you also love me because you need me. The snake eats its own tail."<br>Kida had Izaya's name burning on his lips but he snapped out of his lustful infatuation as soon as he noticed a subtle but very real shifting in the darkness. He easily spun out of the embrace and nearly made it to the gun. Kida failed to do so because tendrils of shadow snatched it from him. Opposite him stood Mikado, wrapped in the living dark.  
>"Put your hands in the air, Kida. And you too, Orihara-san."<br>Kida's many options ran through his mind in a millisecond. He was sure that he could throw a blade at Mikado but even so the weird dark material swirling around would probably buffer it. So Kida ended up obeying even as he tried to gain time.  
>"What do you think you're doing, Mikado? Just what the hell do you think you're doing?"<br>Izaya piped,  
>"Ah, I surrender."<br>"Shut up."  
>Kida was fully aware of what his senses could catch. The consciousness of danger made them keener. Not so much for himself as for one much greater than him. His very own god. Kida could read from Mikado's stance that he could not be talked into stepping down. He suspected some hidden intention in this.<br>"Why don't you let go of your pet monster and we settle this between the two of us as they do on the streets?"  
>"Because I'm not stupid. You have the upper hand on that kind of thing."<br>Kida expected this. Presently all he could do was divert Mikado's attention by keeping it fully focused on himself and not on Izaya. For that same reason he fought the urge to turn around just to confirm Izaya's security. The uncharacteristic silence from Izaya's part hinted that he was following this same train of thought. Not that Kida forgot that Izaya always had his own personal reasons that not be guessed but currently he was far too engaged to consider these.  
>"So, what? You want to take me as a hostage? Maybe torture me a bit for kinks?"<br>Mikado shook his head slowly but resolutely. Kida did not at all care for the lack of expression on Mikado's face.  
>"No. I'm saving you by getting rid of Orihara Izaya once and for all."<p> 


	80. Chapter 80

Kida believed him. He stood between Izaya and Mikado who was shielded by a shifting cover of darkness that Kida supposed could very well double as an offensive weapon. Wisps of shadow crossed Mikado's face. Kida decided to change tactics completely and took a step forward, tentatively.  
>"Come on, Mikado. You don't really want to kill anyone. I'm sure."<br>"Tch. You've screwed up badly, Masaomi."  
>Kida turned back immediately at the sound of Izaya's voice. He was very much afraid that anything that Izaya said at this point could get Mikado to make true his threats.<br>"Izaya-"  
>"Royally screwed up, even. Let me tell you a little something. I tricked Mikado there into giving you a yellow scarf. He had no idea of what he was doing. And you didn't even see through <em>that<em>."  
>Kida realized what was going on almost immediately. He stared at Izaya but remained ever so aware that Mikado was standing by with a hellish being at his beck and call.<br>"What are you talking about?"  
>"If you had used your brain you'd see that it was way too convenient for me to 'just' be there to give you some well needed consolation. Oh and by the way, I sent Mikado a video of us fucking-"<br>"What? How could you do that to me- when I love you so much-"  
>Kida's voice trembled. Mikado narrowed his eyes a bit more.<br>"That would because I don't really give a damn about you."  
>Kida fell to his knees. Warm tears rolled down his cheeks. Just as Mikado gave some signal to Celty. Tendrils of darkness wrapped around Izaya. Kida watched this with growing despair. Ominous and spooky, it brought home just how endangered Izaya was. Kida nearly lost heart but he remembered his 3rd grade teacher. Obscure scripts were guessed by the heart alone.<br>"I'd do anything for you, Izaya- anything. I've given up all I had- and placed my _life_ in your hands- and- Mikado, please don't hurt him. Do whatever you want to me but don't hurt Izaya. I'm begging you."  
>Kida waited. He was unsure about the silence on Mikado's part. At length Mikado broke it.<br>"Are you done acting, Kida? You're putting an act so that I'll get close to you and then you'll get me in a chokehold or something. You can lie very well. Don't think I'd forgotten that. I know that you're too sick to even be upset at the way that man treats you. Why else would I be doing this. I'm not going to try reasoning with you."  
>Kida faltered. But only for a brief moment. Then he took the dirt smeared jagged tip of a shard of glass and in a swift movement that bespoke of a vast experience with cutting objects brought it to his own neck. Mikado started and raised his hand.<br>"Call off your monster or I'll slit my throat. Good luck saving a dead body, Mikado."  
>Mikado bit into his lip. Kida smiled.<br>"You want to take a chance on what's faster, my stabbing or your monster's tentacles?"  
>"You picked that up from the ground. That's why you dropped like that."<br>"Your call, Mikado. What will it be?"  
>"If you do that I'll kill Orihara-san."<br>Kida chuckled.  
>"You were going to do that anyway."<br>Kida drew some blood. He could see Mikado's resolve give way to worry.  
>"You're so sick. So sick."<br>"Wrong day to patronize me. I'm not bluffing."  
>Mikado could keep his fake detachment no longer. His 3rd grade teacher had often told him that he lacked the right attitude to pull off a good stage performance.<br>"Don't you love yourself? Kida, don't you have enough self-love not to do this? Put down the glass."  
>"I love myself plenty. But do you want to know what 'true love' is, Mikado? It's being selfless. Loving someone more than yourself. Isn't that kind of stuff just the type of talk you like so much? What I'm doing is just that."<br>Mikado closed and opened his hands. Sweaty palms.  
>"No it's not! Put it down right now, Kida. Or I'll put a squeeze on that man! Literally."<br>Kida chuckled again.  
>"Am I finally addressing the leader of Dollars? Nice to meet you."<br>"Kida!"


	81. Chapter 81

It crossed Mikado's mind that even if Kida did the unthinkable he might get Celty to staunch the wound but the risk was far too high. He was not one to let his loved one die. Kida spat on the ground. He held the piece of glass hard enough for it to bite into his hand so that the scent of blood was strong around him, made even more so by the shallow but very real cut across his neck. It did not make him nauseous, however. Perhaps because he was so used to it already.  
>"No idea who this 'Kida' person is. I'm Orihara Masaomi."<br>"That man would watch you die without battling an eyelash. And that's the name you choose for yourself."  
>Kida was very familiar with this lowering of the voice. It meant that Mikado was beyond furious.<br>"Call out your monster, Mikado. Call it out right now."  
>Mikado hesitated briefly.<br>"Leave us, Celty."  
>For a while the darkness remained, uncertainly, wavering. At length it receded.<br>"How do I know it's not just waiting to ambush us?"  
>Izaya stretched, free from his shadows constrains.<br>"Oh, I can easily confirm that. Celty! Oh Cel-ty! I'm about to make a phone call now. And get a few of my guys to rough up Shinra a bit. He should live through it! I hope."  
>He waited. Nothing happened.<br>"Ah. She's gone now."  
>Kida sighed in relief. He tossed aside the bloody glass and was about to simply beat the living hell out of Mikado when he suddenly froze. A gun was firmly aimed at him. Mikado's grip was steady. Kida had no time. So he had to rely on instinct. That was what told him just when Mikado was about to shoot more than following the muzzle as it zeroed in on a point over his shoulder. Where Izaya was. Going on gut feeling Kida jumped sideways, almost pivoting in the air. Twisting.<br>Then many things were happening at the same time. A deafening gunshot report. Mikado dropping the gun, his expressive blank horror. The flare of pain that exploded on Kida's chest and blood soaking him immediately. Kida took a staggering step forward. He did not know that such pain was even humanly possible to feel. But victory was his. Kida choked on blood and collapsed on the litter strewn ground. Mikado was buzzing about, his hands working frantically on trying to stop the bleeding. Kida felt that he was still falling.  
>"Kida! Orihara-san, call an ambulance!"<br>Mikado did not panic despite the pressure at the edges of his mind that nearly caused it give in stress. Already he had removed his belt and was applying it to gaping wound.  
>"Kida, hold on there, okay. You'll be fine. Celty can't be too far, she'll get you to a hospital-"<br>"Liar- you're a bad liar, Mikado."  
>Kida smiled faintly. Mikado did his best not to look at the spreading red puddle. His fingers were slippery on the cell phone keys as he dialed Celty's number.<br>"Celty, come back as fast as you can, bring the horse-"  
>Izaya waltzed to the scene and easily picked up Kida.<br>"What are you doing, you're not supposed to move wounded people! You'll kill him!"  
>"I don't think there's much point in worrying about that now."<br>And with his Izaya turned around and began to walk away. In the distance a horse was screaming. Mikado nearly dropped the gun as he again reached for it. Slippery fingers far too red.  
>"Put Kida down. Celty will be here anytime now, she'll take him to-"<br>"Masaomi won't make it to any hospital. I've seen enough people die to know that. Let him at least have some peace in his last moments."  
>"I won't accept that."<br>Mikado was ready to simply wrestle with Izaya if need be when Kida's voice reached him. Very softly.  
>"Mikado? You're my best friend, right? Then…let Izaya take me. Okay? Mi-ka-do…"<br>Mikado slipped on blood and lost his balance. Only now did he notice a deep red trail. Kida had to fight off a great exhaustion to wave Izaya to turn around so that he could see Mikado.  
>"Kida…"<br>"Throw the gun…into the river, okay? Leave- no evidence. And don't be afraid of storms anymore…and confess to Anri already…"  
>Somehow, the crime of trying to kill god seemed rather dim and distant to Kida now. He felt a strange need to protect Mikado. The curtain had fallen on the stage and it made everything so much simpler.<br>"It's you that I love- Kida-"  
>"Heh…lame as ever. You just can't be cool…"<p> 


	82. Chapter 82

Mikado was crying now but he barely noticed it. He did not hear Kida whispering something to Izaya. All he knew was that Izaya put Kida's limp body on the ground and then like lightening he was on Mikado, giving him a clean chop, causing him to black out on the spot. Izaya then retrieved the still hot gun, put it in one of the pockets of his jacket which he proceeded to wrap around Kida.  
>"Your will, Masaomi. I'll let him live if you say so. And now I have something to show you."<br>Kida cuddled into the deceptively lean arms that picked him once more. He felt weightless. Even the pain receded. Kida tried to breathe in Izaya's scent and live a bit longer on that alone.  
>"Izaya…sorry. I screwed up…"<br>"You did very well. I am proud of you."  
>Kida could hear a hollow echo. It was the river lapping at dark shores. Izaya cradled him on his lap. Facing the city.<br>"See all the lights, Masaomi? Beautiful, aren't they."  
>Kida smiled.<br>"Yes. It's like Tokyo is sending me off to…whatever."  
>Blood trickled down his lips. Izaya kissed them clean.<br>"Next life. Next life you need to find me before I meet Shizuo. You do that and I will be yours as much as you are mine."  
>Kida drank up the image of god. The red eyes now a bit strained. A single tear running down his cheeks. Kida traced it with a finger.<br>"I am happy. Because I could make you cry for me. Orihara Izaya…you have a deal…for next life."  
>"Are you afraid?"<br>"Surprisingly…no. You said that living forever proved that love is real…but…I'll die and go on loving you despite it. Death's got nothing on me."  
>The relapse into humor made Izaya wonder at the crushing feeling in his chest.<br>"These are your colors. Broken gold amidst the darkness. Know that, Masaomi. These are your colors. And your god loves you."  
>Kida sighed. The world was fading away from him, swimming into formless nothingness. Dying. At the end of his life he was at his happiest.<br>"Kiss me."  
>Izaya brought their lips together and linked their hands. He deepened the kiss, tasting everything that could be tasted, and by the time he pulled out Masaomi was no more. Izaya closed Kida's eyes and watched the soft smile. Kida was a dead child in his arms. Izaya carried him to the shadow waters and let the doll like body - a body that he had held, hurt, and pleasured - sink under layers of darkness. He watched Kida disappear without budging.<br>At length Izaya tossed the gun into the river. He heard heavy steps behind him.  
>"Ah, Shizu-chan. You joined the party? I'm afraid you're too late."<br>"Took a while to figure out where you were. Poor kid."  
>Izaya faced Shizuo.<br>"'Poor kid'? I wish I could be half as fortunate as Masaomi. To die in the arms of your one true love...I've been trying to experience that for so many years now."  
>Shizuo puffed some smoke.<br>"Did you come to love that kid? In a way?"  
>Izaya shrugged.<br>"No one would believe me if I said I did."  
>"I'd believe you."<br>Izaya thought about it.  
>"I guess I did. Do you know why people just can't match perfectly? It's because they're not puzzle pieces all nicely cut to fit in with the rest. People are made of jagged edges."<br>"For once I think that you are absolutely right. Gotta go, someone needs to watch over the other kid. Celty's there too."  
>Izaya nodded. He watched Shizuo retreat into the distance and for once was perfectly reconciled with being left behind by him. For the rest of the night he watched the scatter of shattered light on the river and wondered, when dawn infiltrated the barren sky, from where Masaomi was watching him. Because he most definitely was a living witness. In death.<br>"See you next life. Neh?"  
>Izaya waved before sauntering away. And he knew that he was not quite alone. Perhaps he never would be. For now he had his very own angel watching over him. And the thought was a radiant one that lit up his path as he wondered how to wage his private wars.<br>Perhaps there was a way to align the jagged edges into a whole after all.

**The End**

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**A/N:** I decided a while ago that I wanted someone to die in this story but I hesitated between killing Mikado or Kida. Killing Izaya would be interesting as well but I needed his comments to close the narrative. With that said, this conclusion posed a few problems. I was not sure of how to get Mikado to accidently kill Kida without it seeming as if he was acting out of impulse which he was not. Which leads me to something I wish I had alluded to but I did not want to clutter these final passages with too much non Kida/Izaya information, and that is Mikado's plan.  
>While I am no fan of Mikado I do not think he is stupid and the plan he came up with did not simply include killing Izaya and leaving it at that. He made arrangements to neatly erase all of Kida's memories regarding Izaya (by calling favors from Namie) and was going to cover up the gap by a fabricated story about an accident that would be responsible for any memory problems. Then he would ship him to a small town and act as the amazing and supporting best friend.<br>The moral of this ending is that Mikado could very well be more evil than Izaya since destroying someone's memories may be worse than anything Izaya did to Kida. Rebooting people is not exactly acceptable even if Kida would go back to being very bubbly. I discarded this finale because I did not want Mikado to be too important even if it would be interesting in terms of a certain slippery slope of morality. As it was Mikado will have to live the rest of his life knowing that he killed his best friend which will basically ruin him completely.


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